To wonder what happened to Janet and is she ok?

[letsbepositive2024]

Trying to keep this concise and sort of lighthearted as it's weirding me out.

DH friend Dave was/is married to Janet. He met up with Dave for gigs etc as they have a shared music interest. Janet also went to gigs with them as did her best friend, Sally. I met Janet and Sally quite a few times and all very friendly.

Six months ago Dave and Janet suddenly split up due to his excessive drinking, apparently. He's now sober and came around last night, and introduced Sally as his girlfriend! We had a pleasant enough evening but I just wanted to ask 'where is Janet? Are you still friends with her Sally? Was this an affair? Does she know?

I know it's none of my business and DH doesn't know anything but it's like Janet never existed and that her and Sally were never bestfriends. Sally was talking away quite happily about their plans and future and they're moving in together, but no mention of Janet.

It's makes me want to shout JANET and see if she metaphorically appears.

She did exist as I met her!

Am I losing it? Is this weird? Should I ask?

I'd start singing "Dammit Janet" from the Rocky Horror Show.

Hmmmmm no sorry, i think if you weren't friendly enough with Janet to have her number to be able to ask her yourself, or friendly enough with Sally to know anything about it then it's not your beeswax.

And blurting out 'How's Janet?' will just make you look socially backwards.

Please do this! Just stand there wearing the T-shirt whilst chatting about other things. See who breaks first or maybe you’ll all just continue to avoid the topic 😁

#teamJanet

Did Sally's plans for their future include engagement/wedding? Gives you an opportunity to talk about divorce etc. Did she have a partner before or was she single? Thinking Janet might have taken up with him (I once knew 2 best friends and next-door neighbours who literally switched husbands - one couple still together years later.)

Surely it’s quite a common and not even particularly intrusive question to just say “how did you to end up getting together”. If it was an affair they’ll probably just lie about it anyway.

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Can you go full weird and just place one of these but with Janet's face over Sally, but do it silently. Please? For me?

I'd ask outright about Janet, but I'm very blunt. I don't think it's a weird question to ask, considering the circumstances. I'd just say that was surprised to see them together as a couple and ask and take it from there.

I am the Janet in this situation. Of course it was going on before. 'Sally' had her claws in him long before we split.
I disappeared from radar as I wanted nothing to do with friends that listened to their bullshit.

Janet is probably nursing her bruised soul and trying to recover. I hope she is out there partying and has a new man / wasn't for me

Sounds like Janet dodged a bullet. Maybe she is happier without Dave and thinks that Sally is a prize tit for getting involved with him.

😂😂

My DH would definitely have asked! It's just too weird to ignore it.

It's makes me want to shout JANET and see if she metaphorically appears.

You could happen to mention your new fictitious work colleague called JANET and watch how they react.

YABU to type out that long story instead of simply asking the couple sitting opposite you, how Janet is.

It would've been a completely normal/average question given that they were all friends.

I just can't imagine being 'friends' with anyone enough to have them round your house but not enough to know they've split up with their partner and got with someone else. And knowing something about it no matter how small Talking about OPs DH here.

My Dh works in the most emotionally constipated male environment you can imagine, but even they tell each other when they've split up with a wife/girl friend and then got with another.

"I always thought you and [Janet's Ex] would make a great couple. How did you two get together"

Followed by "and where did you bury Janet's body you WITCH"

I also like the idea of wearing a T-shirt saying #teamjanet and not mentioning it until they do.

But yeah, this would drive me bonkers not knowing and I'd be deep diving into social media to find out. I'd then report gleefully back to DH each night and he would.not.give.a.damn.

Ok, I had a similar situation, and I DID ASK. The equivalent of Dave & Sally then sent me a message a few days later and told me never to contact them again 😂😆

Let us know what you find out!

Not sure I’m liking Janet much at the moment😊

Janet was initially heartbroken.... but only because she was far more interested in Sally than Dave. [Dave doesn't know this]

I'm currently living next door to Janet... in Thanet.

My dad did this to my mum, sort of. It wasn’t her friend, but an OW she knew nothing about. Within weeks he was taking the OW around all the places they used to go together, people cooing over how happy they were together and not anyone even mentioning my mum’s name.

The speed at which their so-called mutual friends dropped my mum was almost as upsetting as the initial betrayal. Not saying that is the case for you because clearly you aren’t exactly mutual friends, but it’s def a thing!

If she’s not with Roy, then she’s definitely with John. I think they now have Pat the dog too.

Find out what?

I'm as nosey as they come - but you've found out haven't you?

Dave & Janet split 6 months ago due to his drinking.

He's now with Sally.

Yes, probably an affair.

But there's no mystery about what happened to Janet, surely?

Please do this 😆

Agree.

It is different if OP was actually close to them and it doesn’t sound like OP’s DH was even close enough to Janet to know what happened to her after they split. My guess is OP’s DH was friends with Dave more than Janet or didn’t really see Janet as his friend but as Dave’s wife and didn’t talk to Janet after she split with Dave.

We know what happened to Janet. She chose to stop sharing her life with an addict. Hopefully she is better now than she has been for a long time. Sorry to be so literal and boring!