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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset - comment at Ru Paul’s Drag Con …

401 replies

13umpuu · 14/01/2024 22:15

Before anyone has a moan about drag in general, please don’t, the post isn’t about that…

I’m a fan of Ru Paul’s drag race UK. I love seeing all the effort that goes into the make-up looks and I admire the creativity of the outfits. I also enjoy the behind the scenes footage of the contestants as they make friends and share their experiences.

DP got tickets to Drag Con for Xmas - an event which is a combination of shows, catwalks and meet/greet. I hadn’t asked to go and I was a bit reluctant. I’m fairly shy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we went and it was fun. As we were leaving I spoke to one of the performers and gushingly said how amazing I thought their dance routine/song had been (the only person I’d spoken to during the event except DP)… they really are incredibly talented. Their reply seemed very heartfelt and was something like… ‘oh that’s so sweet of you, thank you’, followed by an air kiss/hug… then they said ‘get your hair done’, as if under their breath but really very much out loud, to a group of people nearby who’d seen us speak and clearly knew the comment was about me. It was greeted with much laughter.

I felt (and still feel) so upset. Partly because it was a bit of a shock but partly because I know it’s true. I’m relatively pretty but I’m just a mum, wasn’t wearing jeans/anything really scruffy and I’m not particularly polished (and my hair probably could do with being done!).

I turned away so nobody could see and promptly burst into tears. Now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel so upset.

YABU - why be upset - it’s just a stranger making some throw away remarks to have a laugh, brush it off, it’s funny (and you’ve just said it’s true!)

YANBU - I’d be upset too

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SayBaby · 14/01/2024 22:16

Standard DQ chat. They're very catty, that's part of their thing.

fourelementary · 14/01/2024 22:17

Yanbu but I wouldn’t care what some Drag queen thought of me tbh… but it’s nasty and horrible of them to think that’s okay.

Alcyoneus · 14/01/2024 22:20

Why do dudes dressed as women get a free pass for being nasty. It’s like it’s designed to be a parody of women implying that women all bitchy airheads. Taking the piss out of women in this way is just nasty and misogynistic. It’s not art. That’s just the guide under which it is justified.

Ponoka7 · 14/01/2024 22:20

It's part of their persona. Do you cry quite easily or are you feeling very insecure/low at the moment?

winewolfhowls · 14/01/2024 22:22

I would have cried too! Sorry your special treat was ruined.

This behaviour just reinforces stereotypes of drag being catty and unkind and misogynistic. In reality it doesn't all have to have that vibe. Even on the TV show itself that kind of attitude seems to be getting to be frowned upon on more modern series

Which queen was it?

CountFucula · 14/01/2024 22:22

Welll… I know you don’t want a debate about drag… but this is a clear example of a man who loves to embody the physical extremes of woman but actually doesn’t like women very much and is happy to use them as the butt of a joke and humiliate them for fun.

Alcyoneus · 14/01/2024 22:22

Ponoka7 · 14/01/2024 22:20

It's part of their persona. Do you cry quite easily or are you feeling very insecure/low at the moment?

Wow. It is now actually accepted that it’s sort of a man’s persona to be belittle women.

Makeupalley · 14/01/2024 22:22

Coming from anyone else it would be rude but from a drag queen, its part of their act isn't it? I've watched some of drag race UK and the US version and they are really bitchy / cutting... its part of their persona

Theunamedcat · 14/01/2024 22:22

They are bitches in wigs there isn't a natural hairstyle among them pay them zero mind on it

BreadInCaptivity · 14/01/2024 22:23

Are you really that surprised when the MO of drag is to diminish women?

From the "drag language" to the names chosen and outfits.

You simply (sadly) got too close to the flame.

Rather than reflect on your appearance you might want to think about why you enjoy being entertained by men who are denigrating womanhood?

Greenshake · 14/01/2024 22:24

This was nasty and horrible, but….isnt that the very essence of all this? I can’t stand it.

Catusrusty · 14/01/2024 22:24

This reply has been deleted

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RebelMoon · 14/01/2024 22:25

They are bitches misogynistic men in wigs there isn't a natural hairstyle among them pay them zero mind on it

Corrected that for you.

bedknobsandstickbrooms · 14/01/2024 22:25

SayBaby · 14/01/2024 22:16

Standard DQ chat. They're very catty, that's part of their thing.

Yes, this was my initial thought.

It wasn't about your hair. If it hadn't been your hair it'd have been something else.

He did it for the laugh.

Shame it ruined the experience for you though x

BayCityCoaster · 14/01/2024 22:26

Before anyone has a moan about drag in general, please don’t, the post isn’t about that…

But this is exactly WHY we have a moan about drag….!? Because it’s so inherently misogynistic!!!

I knew exactly what you were going to say happened before I got to the part of your OP. I knew it was going to be a cruel, bitchy remark. And sure enough, it was.

You might love the drag queens, but believe me, they do not love you.

Forget about it, and move on. It’s seriously not worth losing sleep over. Flowers

kisstheblarney · 14/01/2024 22:26

I'd have hated it, but it gets passed over as "entertainment ".

Raspberrymoon49 · 14/01/2024 22:27

Can’t stand drag either and their favourite phrase “I’m serving fish” is revolting

Spirallingdownwards · 14/01/2024 22:27

Did they see? I expect they would be horrified if they realised. As you were at DragCon they presumably thought you realised the kind of humour and were playing to a fan.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 14/01/2024 22:28

YANBU to be upset. But YABU to be surprised. Drag is inherently misogynist - mockery of women is what they do.

2chocolateoranges · 14/01/2024 22:28

Such a shame it spoiled an otherwise great day. I’d have been hurt too but I would have had a quick comment back at him. Cheeky bastard that he is! So uncalled for, you spent your hard earned money to go and see them.

SapphOhNo · 14/01/2024 22:29

It's sad that it's ruined your experience but presumably as a drag race fan you've laughed along at the 'reads' they do to other people.

It's easy to get sensitive when the piss taking is directed at you but they are in character whilst in drag so a bit naive of you to think you were somehow immune.

I imagine your hair was fine btw. They probably used the same gag multiple times.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/01/2024 22:30

Men who make a living from denigrating women make cruel comments about women. I’m not shocked.

PickAChew · 14/01/2024 22:31

That guy who made that comment literally has nothing better to do as he gets paid to dress up and act.

Meantime, you are living in your own real life and not getting paid to look trashy. Your hair was most likely perfectly fine. The man dressed as a parody of a woman was almost definitely an arsehole.

5128gap · 14/01/2024 22:32

Well yes. You don't want anybody criticising drag, but that's essentially what drag is. Men making fun of, belittling and insulting women to varying levels of offensivenesss depending on how far they're allowed to go in that particular context. And tbh you got off lightly.
The whole premis is to portray women as a gross parody, a walking stereotype of all thats 'bad' about women. The man you spoke to was portraying a woman as a two faced person who will simultaneously air kiss and insult you, with the added bonus of a cheap laugh at your expense.
Its upsetting when you see it for what it is. That they dont 'love and admire women' but are just misogynists doing what misogynists do. Don't take it personally. Any woman would have got the same.

Gunpowder · 14/01/2024 22:33

I completely understand why you were upset, that would have given me a shock too. I understand it’s part of the drag queen schick but I think it was ill timed. Better to save that sort of thing for a brunch or bingo where you expect to be read/picked on, like you do if you go to stand up. It’s a bit mean to insult a fan who has just complimented you in order to get a cheap laugh.

OP I bet your hair is natural and beautiful. I’m sorry this upset you and I hope you can do something nice for yourself and not dwell on it too long. I bet the queen would be mortified if they knew they’d really upset you.