AIBU to be upset - comment at Ru Paul’s Drag Con …

[13umpuu]

Before anyone has a moan about drag in general, please don’t, the post isn’t about that…

I’m a fan of Ru Paul’s drag race UK. I love seeing all the effort that goes into the make-up looks and I admire the creativity of the outfits. I also enjoy the behind the scenes footage of the contestants as they make friends and share their experiences.

DP got tickets to Drag Con for Xmas - an event which is a combination of shows, catwalks and meet/greet. I hadn’t asked to go and I was a bit reluctant. I’m fairly shy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we went and it was fun. As we were leaving I spoke to one of the performers and gushingly said how amazing I thought their dance routine/song had been (the only person I’d spoken to during the event except DP)… they really are incredibly talented. Their reply seemed very heartfelt and was something like… ‘oh that’s so sweet of you, thank you’, followed by an air kiss/hug… then they said ‘get your hair done’, as if under their breath but really very much out loud, to a group of people nearby who’d seen us speak and clearly knew the comment was about me. It was greeted with much laughter.

I felt (and still feel) so upset. Partly because it was a bit of a shock but partly because I know it’s true. I’m relatively pretty but I’m just a mum, wasn’t wearing jeans/anything really scruffy and I’m not particularly polished (and my hair probably could do with being done!).

I turned away so nobody could see and promptly burst into tears. Now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel so upset.

YABU - why be upset - it’s just a stranger making some throw away remarks to have a laugh, brush it off, it’s funny (and you’ve just said it’s true!)

YANBU - I’d be upset too

Drag queens hate women, that's the gag. So they will always slate women, it's not particularly personal. It's part of the act, to get the laughs when dressed in persona. Some believe in it, some don't. Some may even be straight.

Drag ridicules women, don’t understand your reaction to what is their modus operandi

That’s their whole thing- stupid caricature of bitchy, catty women.

You need thicker skin.

And this, friends, is precisely why drag is shit.

@Gunpowder - thank you for the kind words - and for the other comments here too… hopefully will feel like water under a bridge tmw

The thing is they don't even want what we have.

They just use "artistic" license to justify their misogyny.

It's not a coincidence most DQ's are gay men. They see no point in women - until they want to reproduce...when all of a sudden those "fishy" bits take on a degree of importance....

I would expect this at a drag con. My reply would have been I know but at least mines real 🤣

Oh no, I’m sorry that happened, I bet it totally spoiled your day. However I’ve seen a few meet and greets online and loads of the people seem to delight in getting read by the queens. Was it a queen known for being especially shady? Don’t dwell on it, just chalk it up to someone making an ill-judged joke.

Depressing that women are paying to see and therefore supporting this shit.

Yes - and that’s why I don’t go anywhere near this stuff.

sorry but I don’t know who it was - not someone from the UK series (which is all I’ve seen)

I can't stand drag....the new/current form where its all about miming and awful dance routines. I don't mind drag comedians who make fun of themselves rather than others.

But YABU...drag Queens are known for catty and bitchy comments. That's what they do. It's funny because there is a grain of truth and it cuts close. Fans get a kick out of those comments. It's all part of the act. Like that restaurant where àll the staff are rude to customers.

Drag is vile. Nobody has ever been able to explain to me what is entertaining or funny about it. As a kid people used to laugh at Dame Edna Everidge and I never understood the joke.

I think it’s almost always a grotesque caricature and quite insulting to women. Hard to see how it is any different from blacking up.

So OP now that you've seen the misogyny close up, are you still going to watch drag?

Wait? The misogynistic act whose whole remit you find hilarious is punching down at women, is checks notes punching down at you, a woman.

Well colour me surprised. Maybe you are like those other girls after all.

This is a good point! I’m assuming OP went because it was “funny”… annnnd then she was the butt of the joke…🙃

It’s a bit shit but not surprised in the slightest. It’s one of the reasons I went off drag race pretty fast, with only one queen I actually like because they seem to be a respectful rarity.

unfortunately for this mass majority of twats, there is no other way to behave. It seems to be so ingrained in their community.

My issue with it would be that the comment wasn't even witty. The drag queens I watched when I was younger were funny. They'd insult people but with wit. They also didn't have the crass juvenile names like nowadays. I think like many other things, drag has become dumbed down and sadly taken over by misogynistic assholes.

I know drag is very divisive on here and I am sure lots of people will disagree with my opinion, but I think when drag is done well and is how it used to be, then it's not a woman hating shit show like most of it nowadays. Cheap laughs, cheap costumes, tacky innuendoes.

Nasty fucker. I don’t care that he’s ‘pretending’ to be a bitchy woman persona. Only a nasty fucker would humiliate someone like that in public after that person has been nothing but kind. They’d probably (hopefully) feel bad to know they’ve upset you, and rightly so.

its part of the drag persona surely you should know that from watching RPDR UK 🙄

I went on Saturday. Tickets were a Christmas present too - I wouldn't have gone otherwise in a million years (one thing watching the show for some brain switch off tv when the kids are in bed, quite another going to the event)!

I thought the whole thing was a pisstake from start to finish, to be honest. With DQs charging minimum £20 for a picture, and a lot of them sitting behind curtains so you couldn't even see them? The proper fans would not only have been bankrupted, but also insulted, it seems. Friend and I were in there for 20 mins, then pissed off to Westfield and had a lovely afternoon shopping and eating tiramisu.

Although, with a Disney convention, Comic-Con and DragCon all on at Excel on the same day, walking through the exhibition centre was totally brilliant. As was seeing a bloke dressed as Homer Simpson having a fag with two drag queens and a storm trooper!

@13umpuu - are you getting a bit of insight into why, exactly, so many of us have a problem with drag….?

DQ is a sexist parody and utterly demeaning to women so sadly doesn't surprise me. No idea how this ever came to be mainstream "funny" at all tbh.

But whatever the setting, their behaviour was disgustingly rude and offensive. I am sorry you were subjected to that, you most certainly did not deserve it and I too would have been upset.

People dressed in outlandish costumes, acting as personas and insulting each-other, is different from a person in a costume, acting as a persona and insulting someone else who is being open, authentically themselves and trying to connect.

The costume and persona is armour. The person in their own clothes, giving a heartfelt compliment is vulnerable, no defences or armour up, so of course it stings.

Its really poor form for this bloke to have done this, particularly as his costume and persona is an unflattering parody of the type of person being insulted.

I think it technically makes him an ungracious, unprofessional, misogynist arsehole.

Women who go to these things are being good sports, when they really shouldn’t be. These are men who hate them and would rather they weren’t there.

@13umpuu so sorry your night out was ruined by this! Like you, I love drag (and have spent a fair amount of time with DQs.. long story!) - YANBU - here's my thoughts.

1. is there a possibility you misheard or that the comment WASN'T about you?

2. "I'm just a mum" is an insane phrase - please don't belittle yourself! Being a mum (and managing a night out 🤪) is phenomenal 💪 part of what hurt you and is hurtful to read about your experience is that you** felt inadequate in some way. Even though you know you're pretty. So the words, even if meant as a joke, actually stuck. You shouldn't need your hair done (literally who can be bothered to get their hair "done" to watch a show) to feel good about yourself but what I'd take away is that you deserve to spend some time on yourself and boosting your self esteem so no fucker can bring you down like that again, whatever they say

3. if you heard correctly, what the DQ said was unacceptable and I think damaging to the mega brand of Ru Paul if performers are being misogynistic to guests - if you knew the name of the performer I'd recommend "calling out" (hate this phrase, but SJWs love it, so) the bastard to make clear this kind of shit is not on, but you don't, so not much you can do unless you look him up.... There's a chance he'd be mortified if he found out he hurt you - maybe he felt he was just in character and reading - but maybe not, and it sounds like you felt it was more callous and you may have to trust your instinct. For those saying this is typical DQ and just reading - disagree, not to open a debate about this as it's about OP's night but, drag is (or was) supposed to parody stereotypes of womanhood and the stereotypes women are held to, and defy masculinity, not to enforce stereotypes on actual women via masculinity like this a hole. Also the library wasn't open, OP was a guest and actual woman. He could have said it to anyone - the majority of us don't get our hair "done" - it's a generic catty thing to say so please don't think it's an actual reflection on your appearance.

Wish you'd told him to GF in any event. Never too late if you can find a name..!

But most importantly, please remind yourself that you're pretty and wonderful and by hook or by crook make some time to do something nice for yourself as sounds like you really need it OP! ❤️