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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset - comment at Ru Paul’s Drag Con …

401 replies

13umpuu · 14/01/2024 22:15

Before anyone has a moan about drag in general, please don’t, the post isn’t about that…

I’m a fan of Ru Paul’s drag race UK. I love seeing all the effort that goes into the make-up looks and I admire the creativity of the outfits. I also enjoy the behind the scenes footage of the contestants as they make friends and share their experiences.

DP got tickets to Drag Con for Xmas - an event which is a combination of shows, catwalks and meet/greet. I hadn’t asked to go and I was a bit reluctant. I’m fairly shy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we went and it was fun. As we were leaving I spoke to one of the performers and gushingly said how amazing I thought their dance routine/song had been (the only person I’d spoken to during the event except DP)… they really are incredibly talented. Their reply seemed very heartfelt and was something like… ‘oh that’s so sweet of you, thank you’, followed by an air kiss/hug… then they said ‘get your hair done’, as if under their breath but really very much out loud, to a group of people nearby who’d seen us speak and clearly knew the comment was about me. It was greeted with much laughter.

I felt (and still feel) so upset. Partly because it was a bit of a shock but partly because I know it’s true. I’m relatively pretty but I’m just a mum, wasn’t wearing jeans/anything really scruffy and I’m not particularly polished (and my hair probably could do with being done!).

I turned away so nobody could see and promptly burst into tears. Now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel so upset.

YABU - why be upset - it’s just a stranger making some throw away remarks to have a laugh, brush it off, it’s funny (and you’ve just said it’s true!)

YANBU - I’d be upset too

OP posts:
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PoinsettiaLives · 14/01/2024 22:35

It’s part of the act, it’s not personal. If anything, it was probably intended to be flattering and amusing that they included you in the cattiness.

13umpuu · 14/01/2024 22:35

@SayBaby - think I was surprised as their act was dancing/singing but you’re right, I should have expected it

OP posts:
ohdamnitjanet · 14/01/2024 22:36

Alcyoneus · 14/01/2024 22:20

Why do dudes dressed as women get a free pass for being nasty. It’s like it’s designed to be a parody of women implying that women all bitchy airheads. Taking the piss out of women in this way is just nasty and misogynistic. It’s not art. That’s just the guide under which it is justified.

Agree totally. And @13umpuu come on, please don’t be upset by, or take style advice from a drag queen. I bet you look lovely and he’s a cunt.

MeinKraft · 14/01/2024 22:37

Spirallingdownwards · 14/01/2024 22:27

Did they see? I expect they would be horrified if they realised. As you were at DragCon they presumably thought you realised the kind of humour and were playing to a fan.

Yeah, I think this too really. I would have been hurt too though OP but then like most of mumsnet I'm not a fan of drag queens. But I'm guessing they probably presume it's safe to roast their fans, you know like comedians sometimes do at live shows.

RedHelenB · 14/01/2024 22:37

SayBaby · 14/01/2024 22:16

Standard DQ chat. They're very catty, that's part of their thing.

This.

ChihuahuasREvil · 14/01/2024 22:38

Man who engages in misogynistic role-play behaves in a misogynistic manner.

this is what drag is OP, misogyny sold as entertainment. Have you ever interrogated the reasons why so many of us women find drag unacceptable? You’ve just had a taste of it. What you experienced is a feature, not a bug.

Ladybrrrd · 14/01/2024 22:38

Rolling my eyes at people under the impression that DQs put on a whole different personality/are catty because they're trying to say women are catty. They're often catty/bitchy in and out of drag! Any of you watch the confessionals?!

Nasty comment, I hope they'd be horrified you were upset. Please try your best to let it wash it over you. Two middle fingers in your mind to them! Glad you had a good start to the day. Unfortunate that they put a stain on it for you.

I'd use the opportunity to have a good bitch IRL to a mate about them!

1AngelicFruitCake · 14/01/2024 22:39

Name them please! I love drag race but that’s awful 🙁

kisstheblarney · 14/01/2024 22:39

@13umpuu would you go again after being publicly insulted like that?

FKAT · 14/01/2024 22:40

That was a shitty thing to happen to you. Unfortunately men being nasty to women is a feature, not a bug, of drag.

I cannot wait for the current cultural obsession with untalented beta men with bad wigs and contouring to go the way of the fidget spinner, loom bands, the Cheeky Girls and WHAAAASSSSSSUPPPP.

This is literally a group of 'artistes' who rely on local library budgets and Groupon bottomless brunches to make a living. The pity only goes in one direction as far as I'm concerned.

BrassOlive · 14/01/2024 22:41

Yes I'd like to know who it was.

Sugarfish · 14/01/2024 22:41

It’s just nasty. I’ve had to pull up a gay member of staff before who thought he could get away with bitchy comments. He particularly liked to refer to his female colleagues as slags, bitches and whores. His defence was that they all new he was joking and basically implied because he was gay he could say it.

OneMoreTime23 · 14/01/2024 22:42

I travelled 5 hours on a train for a work do, ended up in a drag bar with a DQ from my town. Who told me everyone from my village were meth heads. It’s what they do. 🤷🏻‍♀️

13umpuu · 14/01/2024 22:42

@winewolfhowls not one of the uk performers - but I think you’re right, the show feels pretty kind hearted so I guess that was part of the surprise too…

OP posts:
Frasers · 14/01/2024 22:42

It was bitchy, I think though the concern is why did you immediately start crying? If habe told him to fuck off and laughed. Or said I just did. Yes it would have played on my mind, but there is no way I’d have immediately cried, nor any woman I know. Are you a very sensitive person?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 14/01/2024 22:42

You were read, and reading is what? Fundamental. If you love drag race surely you know that bitchy/ rude/ catty etc comments are part of the act and fairly standard, especially on the US version. I expect he made similar comments to lots of other people too. I guess lesson learnt and probably not a good idea to go to a live drag act again!

Leyenda · 14/01/2024 22:42

Drag queens hate real women and enjoy mocking them. That’s their whole thing.

If you like watching beautiful costumes and artiatic talent there are better places to do it.

senua · 14/01/2024 22:42

I have to agree with everyone else.
You didn't mind drag when the bitchy comments were aimed at somebody else but, now they have been aimed at you, I hope your eyes have been opened.

August85 · 14/01/2024 22:43

I mean, their whole schtick involves sending up women, so YABU to be even remotely surprised!

Nineteendays · 14/01/2024 22:46

What a tosser he is. Pay no mind op.

Ponoka7 · 14/01/2024 22:46

Alcyoneus · 14/01/2024 22:22

Wow. It is now actually accepted that it’s sort of a man’s persona to be belittle women.

No, it isn't acceptable, but it's excused. The OP didn't want a discussion on drag, but other posters are correctly summing it up. I'm anti drag btw. A middle aged man puts on full make up and sexualised clothing, but somehow still gets the audience laughing at women and gets a lot more stage work than middle aged women do.

13umpuu · 14/01/2024 22:46

@Spirallingdownwards - no, they didn’t see (maybe things would have been different if they had) - the moment kind of moved on anyway so I probably should too

OP posts:
FKAT · 14/01/2024 22:49

Leyenda · 14/01/2024 22:42

Drag queens hate real women and enjoy mocking them. That’s their whole thing.

If you like watching beautiful costumes and artiatic talent there are better places to do it.

Well quite. Some dude miming sweatily to Lady Gaga in Shein spandex - hardly the Royal Ballet is it?

senua · 14/01/2024 22:50

the moment kind of moved on anyway so I probably should too
What!? Have you not read anybody else's response. Don't 'move on', get angry.

TedWilson · 14/01/2024 22:50

Just remember... HE will never have the things that you do ;)

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