AIBU to be upset - comment at Ru Paul’s Drag Con …

[13umpuu]

Before anyone has a moan about drag in general, please don’t, the post isn’t about that…

I’m a fan of Ru Paul’s drag race UK. I love seeing all the effort that goes into the make-up looks and I admire the creativity of the outfits. I also enjoy the behind the scenes footage of the contestants as they make friends and share their experiences.

DP got tickets to Drag Con for Xmas - an event which is a combination of shows, catwalks and meet/greet. I hadn’t asked to go and I was a bit reluctant. I’m fairly shy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we went and it was fun. As we were leaving I spoke to one of the performers and gushingly said how amazing I thought their dance routine/song had been (the only person I’d spoken to during the event except DP)… they really are incredibly talented. Their reply seemed very heartfelt and was something like… ‘oh that’s so sweet of you, thank you’, followed by an air kiss/hug… then they said ‘get your hair done’, as if under their breath but really very much out loud, to a group of people nearby who’d seen us speak and clearly knew the comment was about me. It was greeted with much laughter.

I felt (and still feel) so upset. Partly because it was a bit of a shock but partly because I know it’s true. I’m relatively pretty but I’m just a mum, wasn’t wearing jeans/anything really scruffy and I’m not particularly polished (and my hair probably could do with being done!).

I turned away so nobody could see and promptly burst into tears. Now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel so upset.

YABU - why be upset - it’s just a stranger making some throw away remarks to have a laugh, brush it off, it’s funny (and you’ve just said it’s true!)

YANBU - I’d be upset too

Drag queen humour is catty . BUT - a good performer should be able to identify if they think the recipient will be able to take it in good humour or not. The aim isn’t to upset people, if there is a risk of that then they shouldn’t tell the “joke” (and I use the word joke here as I don’t think ‘get hair done’ is particularly clever or funny comedy!). There’s usually plenty of confident people at a drag night who will happy take the roasting from the queen, and say a few remarks back too!

i used to go to a drag Queen bar when I was 18 with college friends (20 years ago!!). One night the drag queen DJ called our introverted friend a “plain Jane” on the mic in front of the whole bar. It was humiliating and very cruel. The drag queen should have known that a shy 18 year old girl would not be able to shrug that off and laugh, especially as the drag queen was 40+ years old.

im sorry the Queen upset you. If you are feeling brave do consider dm’ing them on Instagram and tell them how they made you feel. Standing up for yourself might make you feel better.

They let themselves down a bucketful. You did not. I doubt the comment was anything to do with your hair. They wanted to say something 'witty' by insulting the fan who approached them. They have embarrassed themselves.

I think drag is fundamentally misogynist. Performative femininity cannot understand and therefore is threatened by womanhood.

I was at a festival once, and in one of the retro tents a trans woman sitting opposite me asked me how to work a typewriter (ikr!). Anyway I happened to see what they typed after they’d gone and amongst lots of bad, off the cuff poetry they’d typed “If I ever turn out like her, someone please shoot me”.

That festival was my first outing anywhere with my child since my partner had died and after all the Covid restrictions. I’d been so tentatively happy, and their bitchy remark deflated me. But these people are very narcissistic and immature.

I genuinely believe all “Drag Queens” have a hatred or at least a resentment of women.

Exactly.

It's all I'm good Jack pull the ladder up when you're watching them on TV being catty misogynistic men in womenface to other people in the name of "persona", but when they do it to you OP, suddenly you realise you've been offended, and that's what many of us think and feel all the time once the rose tinted view of entertainment has worn away.

It's just not funny. It's offensive.

YANBU

Whilst I appreciate the craft I also know that they do not represent real women and I do find the whole thing a little insulting - plus hate that people still think being a woman means a face caked with makeup and perfect hair 24/7.

When something is true and catches his of guard it is very upsetting (from a mum that has let herself go to another mum x) - I would hate for someone to make a remark about my hair and make up because I really do not spend a lot of time on it. But truth is I have a lot going on in life that’s postive and yes, you are a mum, but I’m sure there is so much more to you x

Either ignore it and shrug it off - it’s a mean joke from someone who has an exaggerated view of femininity (at least that’s what I would tell myself).

or accept that you may want to do something new with your hair and treat yourself (a stranger once told me my hair was dry and recommended me a butter to use - I was very offended but went home, tried it as I had it at home and my hair is now shiny - at least after weekend washdays!)

I wouldn't necessarily be impressed with their singing- my DD works as a professional singer who has provided backing tracks for drag acts. Many of them can't sing for toffee and rely on actual talented singers to bolster up their tone deafness!

I don't understand why you're posting because

1. you love drag, so presumably you love what it's about, which is literally the kind of superficial appearance-focussed, bitchy parody/stereotype of women you've just described
2. you agree with the comment, which is why it hit hard. Why not use your uncomfortable feelings as the impetus to change your hair? Posting on MN for us to say he's mean isn't going to improve your life or appearance, is it?

Sorry that happend to you OP. But it's not you - it's them. Same thing happened to a friend who went to see a drag performance. She and her sister went over to say how much they enjoyed a performer and how she watched every drag race. 'He' said well you could certainly do with an hour away from the fridge. Friend was taken aback and got teary and her sister called him out on it. He laughed and said, 'Was it me or did she catch a glimpse of her reflection'

Friend (gorgeous by the way - not that it matters) was so upset. Luckily, it's put her off the whole murky genre.

Yep. It’s a nasty business.

Eh
I think I'd expect something like that tbh. They can be quiet sassy....

Men who make a living from denigrating women make cruel comments about women. I’m not shocked.

This ⬆️

Also
Nice to see people slamming drag when specifically asked not to 😒

It's a very, very, very old form of entertainment. It's not something invented modern times.

And you get drag Kings. Women do this too.

Get over yourselves.

Get over yourself.

The reason the OP is upset by this aspect of drag, is the reason so many of us have an issue with it.

The scales are falling from her eyes.

Deal with it, quite frankly.

100% this.

Black Minstrels was a very, very, very old form of entertainment too. So what's your point? People now know better about that. So why not womanface?

And drag kings are 0.0000000000001% of them. So get over yourself, yourself.

I genuinely hope the scales are falling from her eyes. It's 2024 and we need to ask these women why they lack all self-respect that they support such vile, malicious and malignant hateful misogyny. If you go to those things, you deserve all the pain and hurt you get, imo.

I can hardly bear drag. It's performers are catty/bitchy and mean, and hate women. There's also a hollow, lonely kind of nastiness to it all, a bit of personal tragedy about it, which pervades the worst bits of gay culture that really sets me on edge and made me feel very out of step as a young lesbian back in the day, when all I could see of gay life was this stuff that just didn't seem compatible with a happy adulthood

Why are you surprised? They hate women and think they're a superior version of us.

Learn from this and find feminism.

This is proof they do drag to mock and hurt women. These men hate women with an intense viceral passion. Why would any self-respecting women who was brought up properly go to these things. Women who go to these things are like African Americans going to Black Minstrel shows and enjoying it. Sorry your friend was hurt, but then again not sorry. I think women who go to these things need a reality call and finding out what these pig of men truly think about women is the wake up call they need to stop supporting this disgusting abusive practice.

I’m very sensitive( not that it’s obvious I keep my insecurities to myself)and would feel the same but I’m also very feisty and would have given him an even worse reply. I’m sorry it hurt you x

Why the fuck should we not point out that this toxic shit is toxic.

@13umpuu

It's all part of the contrived catty9 so called entertainment,

Rember their hair and look is all fake as fuck

nothing real or natural about them

Well not much is there,
let's face it,

I reckon they are just under the surface or deep down a bit envious that they aren't the real thing women,

they are just faking it...

L.o.l 🤣

Now the jokes at them...

I don't mind
Well i like seeing them in a family Christmas pantomime show like the ugly sisters in Cinder's

but i don't find the sexualised talk or cattyness act that funny at all..