AIBU to be upset - comment at Ru Paul’s Drag Con …

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Before anyone has a moan about drag in general, please don’t, the post isn’t about that…

I’m a fan of Ru Paul’s drag race UK. I love seeing all the effort that goes into the make-up looks and I admire the creativity of the outfits. I also enjoy the behind the scenes footage of the contestants as they make friends and share their experiences.

DP got tickets to Drag Con for Xmas - an event which is a combination of shows, catwalks and meet/greet. I hadn’t asked to go and I was a bit reluctant. I’m fairly shy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we went and it was fun. As we were leaving I spoke to one of the performers and gushingly said how amazing I thought their dance routine/song had been (the only person I’d spoken to during the event except DP)… they really are incredibly talented. Their reply seemed very heartfelt and was something like… ‘oh that’s so sweet of you, thank you’, followed by an air kiss/hug… then they said ‘get your hair done’, as if under their breath but really very much out loud, to a group of people nearby who’d seen us speak and clearly knew the comment was about me. It was greeted with much laughter.

I felt (and still feel) so upset. Partly because it was a bit of a shock but partly because I know it’s true. I’m relatively pretty but I’m just a mum, wasn’t wearing jeans/anything really scruffy and I’m not particularly polished (and my hair probably could do with being done!).

I turned away so nobody could see and promptly burst into tears. Now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel so upset.

YABU - why be upset - it’s just a stranger making some throw away remarks to have a laugh, brush it off, it’s funny (and you’ve just said it’s true!)

YANBU - I’d be upset too

That’s what Drag acts are all about, a lot of bitching! I don’t think you get it.
It is harsh, and can be downright not nice. Depending on the artist.

I used to go to Drag acts a lot as my best friend, a gay man, loved them. As a woman at the time I was one of the few there, and always, always got picked on!

A man who thinks being a woman is about embodying extreme and sexualized stereotypes of femininity makes a catty remark to a mum-next-door kind of woman.

Colour me shocked.

If you watch Rupaul's drag race you know that type of remark is totally par for the course

Its all the cattyness jokes on women smelling of fish implying that women smell down under

that is extremely offensive 😒 so called drag artist entertainment humour,

There's nothing even remotely funny about their sense of humour

You never hear sexist jokes about men smelling of goat down under nether regions do you...

Yep the scales are finally starting to come off my eyes too,

It's like misogynistic shitty mens type of humour under the guise of dressing up hyper feminised sexualised fetishism crass "look".

if they didn't dress the way they do,

More people would start to see it for what it really is...

I don't know why i didn't realise 😕 this before?

It's very over rated really in reality...

Drag queens refer to women as “fish”. It’s hardly a shock that they tend to be nasty in other ways too.

This has got to be a wind up , surely? It's giving "it's hilarious, unless it's directed at me" vibes.

He would have said it about literally any woman OP because they have ridiculous made up OTT wigs so unless you’ve spent hours cultivating a huge pink sparkly beehive they are going to put you down as ‘plain’ or ‘undone’.

It is a bitchy persona I wouldn’t take it personally. But I do agree with most posters drag is another form of men taking the piss out of women in general & demeaning women to get their kicks.

Just remember too “just a mum” is a massive put down too against woman & motherhood and reflects internalised misogyny. A mum is an incredibly important and powerful role in raising and shaping how a human being forms and the sort of person they grow to be. And it’s a bloody hard job. Men & society need to show more respect towards mothers and woman.

Rather homophobic comments there. Many gay men (including me) find drag gormless and embarrassing and avoid all such crap.

And I have many good female friends, although ironically some of them love the TV drag shows, which are very popular these days amongst straight audiences.

Ru Paul's Drag Race is full of catty, bitchy comments - and it's a show that you "love" OP. You can't be on board with that, but then offended when exactly the same bitchy "oh but I'm hilarious" attitude is turned in your direction.

I'm really sorry you were upset, but you're supporting these acts/shows and nasty, catty, misogynistic comments are very much what they're about. People watch the shows because they find the bitchiness funny, and the more shocking it is, the more viewers seem to love it. Sure, the makeup, hair and talent of the acts are part of it too - but there are plenty of other shows that showcase these skills that don't do a fraction as well as drag shows like Ru Paul. And that's because the bitchy, mean comments are appealing to their audience.

I abhor drag because the main essence of drag is "look how ridiculous and revolting women are" - and that's continued with the drag names, their outfits, and their sexualised demeanour which is all just a slur against women. If men were equally targeted I wouldn't have an issue but that's not the case - drag is just one big misogynistic slur.

I get that some women might not view it as deeply as this, and are happy to ignore the core of drag because they find it funny. And that is their choice. We all pick our hills to die on. But if you do find drag perfectly acceptable and support it by watching the shows, then don't come crying to Mumsnet because one of those bitchy drag artists made you the predictable butt of their jokes.

By the way, not everyone constantly totters around in heels, a full face of makeup and immaculate hair. I'm sure you looked lovely albeit in a natural way.

This.

What?

I am not interested in drag. My only interaction has been waiting at a taxi stand with two drag queens. I wasn't warmly enough dressed and was shivering. They were there first but insisted I take the first taxi to arrive as I was so cold. They were very nice and kind so I guess I never thought of the genre as being misogynistic and women hating. I do think that comment was uncalled for and unkind. Still lots of "straight" celebrities have been quite nasty to fans too so I don't think it's peculiar to drag performers.

Now you know why so many women hate drag - its a socially sanctioned excuse for men to enact the worst stereotypes about women. It doesn’t surprise me that DQ would make a horrible bitchy comment to you and humiliate you in public like a high school mean girl. I’m sorry this happened to you, it’s really not okay.

To me it is not much different to going to a Panto and complaining 'there are adult jokes in there too' we can have an existential debate on 'drag? what is it good for' but it is what it is

Modern drag is foul and derogatory, YABU to expect these men to be anything but bitchy. Don’t line their pockets.

ps don’t take it personally, it’s an act and I’m sure your hair is lovely.

She’s clearly referring to the long post above her own.

For all the people posting well that's what drag acts are like, what did you expect, they are supposed to be catty. Yes, that is the on stage persona but in the OP's and in my post up thread about a friend moved to tears, the women had approached the drag performers to say hello and compliment them on their STAGE act. It wasn't a request for auditorium humiliation.

I think that’s where the confusion arises though. Because while they’re still in drag it’s still the “stage” - they can’t suddenly drop the act and starting talking like Barry from Hull, their actual identity.

The OP said people were around and heard, so the drag queen is still playing to the audience ie/effectively still “on stage”.

Ah bless you!
I don't know much about drag, it's not really my thing, but please don't be upset. Many moons ago I dated a wrestler on the independent wrestling scene, he is the loveliest guy ever but once in character he was a twat.
If people asked him for selfies after a show he'd often scowl in them or say to women with boyfriends talking to him, "so you're single?" As part of his bad guy act. I suppose drag is similar where they say rude things to people? Don't let this one horrible comment live rent free in your head x

Yeah the wrestler comparison is similar in that they have their stage persona, and their normal one.

Might surprise one or two who remember them:

Giant Haystacks, a villain in the ring, lovely bloke off it.
Big Daddy, hero in the ring, complete plonker off it.

Bringing it back to DQs and their onstage act, Lilly Savage and Paul O'Grady were two different characters. DQs say outlandish stuff (which mostly only they can get away with) that really shouldn't be taken seriously.

I guarantee that you looked better than he did.

This!

If you don't dress like Bet Lynch, have a dozen wigs and a truckload of face paint you will never come up to scratch with a collection of drag queens. You probably look like most women rather than the caricature they like to present. Laugh it off, to take it on board as a personal insult is ridiculous. Get over it.

..as if under their breath but really very much out loud..
This makes no sense.
You need to get a grip. If she did say this, why not call her out? Or just make a joke of it - "oh, do you have any tips?!"

And all of you saying this is just 'DG bitchiness or part of their persona' really do have no idea
That's your hatred of men shining clearly and brightly