Are my kids naughty or normal

[Jingledog]

I have a 2 year and 3.5 year old DS. Went shopping today and the 2 year was in pram wailing until he was given snacks and screeching at top of lungs.

3 year old wanted to do everything tap the card put food in trolley scan items etc when I did some too as he had a meltdown threw himself on the floor screaming and saying mummy I wanted to do it. Same in the next shop then running off after pigeons and not coming back.

Went for lunch ystrday with friend and who has kids same age they sat there nicely next to their parents at the table playing with some little toys and looking at books while mine ran loops around the restaurant cackling at the top of their lungs and wouldn't settle until I resorted to giving them screen time.

I have tried not giving in to them but the tantrums are extreme and long so sometimes give them what they want as my nerves can't take anymore.

Is it the way I've patented or is this normal behaviour?

I didn't take my child to restaurants at that age as it wasn't enjoyable.

I would suggest meeting your friend at a cafe in a park where you can sit outside and the kids can play on the grass/playground. Bring some toys/football with you.

If you're giving them screens , please use headphones.

I agree. I don't get out much with friends either, so when I go, I don't want it to be ruined by somebody else children running around screaming.

I would not have tolerated that behaviour from my son. Colouring books, card games, things to do sat at a table. OP needs to go back to basics with acceptable behaviour. Stay home and practice OP.

I would also try shopping with one child and let them know my behaviour expectations.

This. Yes, and I was curious as to where the 'bullying' accusation came from. Again, this is a rather concerning comment considering the job she tells us she does.

But a high-spirited boy will knock spots off a high-spirited girl any day

You've not met my DD! She run rings round "high spirited boys".

But a high-spirited boy will knock spots off a high-spirited girl any day

That is 100 per cent because we put different social and behaviour expectations on boys and girls. Boys are allowed to get away with things that girls never would. I have noticed this recently at the pool I take my kids to for lessons. Boys are allowed to run around the changing rooms screaming, shouting and making a nuisance of themselves without intervention from their adult. Most weeks there will be one or two boys who are allowed to run riot. They really are given the message about entitlement to take over a space early on!

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, but I'd love to hear the OP's rationale as to why other people, i.e. me, should have to contend with maintaining discipline for my child when out in public and making sure that he doesn't do things like run around in restaurants, whilst she feel that societal norms shouldn't apply to her and her kids because she doesn't get out much?

One of the most difficult aspects of parenting isn't managing tantrums - everyone has to deal with those. Instead, it's trying to maintain standards of behaviour with your child in the midst of other people's kids running riot because other parents have chosen to zone out and feel that their social occasion trumps anything else.

Laughing at the idea of bringing a colouring book to a cafe for my DS when he was 2-5 years old!!!! Jesus christ some people have no idea how lucky they are with their chilled out DC.

Get shopping delivered or do it while they're at home with their dad / granny. It's a hiding to nowhere trying to force it. This stage doesn't last forever, my DS is 7 now and will go round the supermarket quite sensibly. Aged 2-5 he most definitely could not.. unless ill...!!

With due respect op doesn’t sound like she’s zoned out. Quite a cruel thing for one parent to say about another. She was just having a difficult day. Surely you’ve had a few of those yourself?

Do 2.5yos colour in? Mine would have just tried to eat the crayon or done a massive scrawl on a sheet of paper before lobbing it across the room.

She allowed her child to run cackling around a restaurant

Sure, I have had tough days. DS absolutely wasn't a placid kid who would sit and colour at that age. Come to think of it, he's 5 now and still probably wouldn't entertain it, so I totally get how difficult it is!

My issue was the OP's admission that she didn't want to miss out on a restaurant meal with a friend, therefore chose to allow her kids to 'run around cackling'. In that scenario, my kid who struggles to sit still would want to join in and I'd (not for the first time) be the evil mum who prevented it.

Parenting is hard, but it's significantly easier for those who allow their children to run amok without boundaries.

Oh op it’s so hard isn’t it! I also have kids that are a bit mad to say the least, and all I can do is make sure they get a ton of running around the park ect to tire them out, even before nursery which thankfully isn’t till after lunch. But generally if I’m visiting a cafe it’s short and strict expectations are laid out beforehand. I would leave rather than let them run around in it though. I tend to do park walks with friends or visits to my home if I’m solo with the kids though so any issues are less likely to crop up. It won’t be forever and I know really with mine, it’s just too much to expect from them and others to catch up with friends in a communal indoor space! When they are a bit more sensible I will bring them to cafes more but for now I just know I won’t enjoy it and they won’t enjoy it nor would anyone in my company.