Are my kids naughty or normal

[Jingledog]

I have a 2 year and 3.5 year old DS. Went shopping today and the 2 year was in pram wailing until he was given snacks and screeching at top of lungs.

3 year old wanted to do everything tap the card put food in trolley scan items etc when I did some too as he had a meltdown threw himself on the floor screaming and saying mummy I wanted to do it. Same in the next shop then running off after pigeons and not coming back.

Went for lunch ystrday with friend and who has kids same age they sat there nicely next to their parents at the table playing with some little toys and looking at books while mine ran loops around the restaurant cackling at the top of their lungs and wouldn't settle until I resorted to giving them screen time.

I have tried not giving in to them but the tantrums are extreme and long so sometimes give them what they want as my nerves can't take anymore.

Is it the way I've patented or is this normal behaviour?

If you seriously interpreted that post as “let them run around in a variety of restaurants” rather than “take them to a pub with an outdoor playground or something else more child-friendly”, I don’t know what to say to you.

Then please don't let me stop you from saying nothing.

I have boys and have never used screen time in that setting. And guess what? The eldest (aged 5) can sit quietly and knows how to concentrate and behave in that setting. Did you have colouring, puzzle books, reading books etc with you?

I absolutely wouldn’t put up with my kids running around in a restaurant.
You also can’t stop going to a restaurant because they’ll never learn.
The fact you’ve started with screens now makes life difficult for you but, if you stick to your guns you can get rid of that. You just need to be really consistent. Don’t even take the screens with you.
Have a few consequences in your back pocket that you know you can use rather than just empty threats.
I hear people saying to their kids all the time “we’ll go home if you don’t stop” and never actually go home. I tend to say “if you carry on we will go and sit in the car”
That’s far more easy to carry through.
But yes in all honesty it does sound like your kids are a bit naughty but that’s down to you. You need to toughen up and mean no when you say it. Practice in front of a mirror being stern and not shouting.

Absolutely not! Kids need to learn the behave in certain situations! That’s the problem with society today- parents just avoid difficulty situations so kids literally never learn how to behave in society!

My kids were generally quite placid, but they played up a couple of times in restaurants and we just packed up immediately and went home.

Apologised to servers and explained to the kids exactly why the treat was ending, tea was then an incredibly boring sandwich and early to bed with no treats.

We only had to be disappointed about missing meals out twice. After that, they knew we meant business and behaved perfectly. (Two boys).

Set the boundaries early, they will appreciate it and you will be glad of it.

Your question was, are they naughty or normal. I'm afraid they sound a little naughty to me. (though being naughty occasionally IS normal) Do they get away with it without consequences?

Behaviour is communication.
learned behaviour happens.
mart good habits and boundaries. If they’re wailing because they’re not getting their way…have a conversation with them and then crack on if they carry on.

Whilst tantrums are fairly normal. Mine only ever did it if they were over tired / hungry but it was when they were younger than 3. Mine have always been capable of sitting in a cafe / restaurant and have never ran around screeching - that is “naughty” and i hate that behaviour. Mine would “read” with books or draw or play with small toys like you describe your friends children doing / eat snacks or “chat” but if they learn that tantrums work as you say you give in they’ll learn that. I have never, ever given my kids a screen (tablet or phone) whilst waiting for a meal and so they never learned that and as such could sit and play.

A 2 year old can't even really make that connection that you left because they were naughty.

I tried this a lot with my kids and it didn't really click at that age. It had to be much more immediate, as by the time you've got up and left etc, they just don't make that connection. Of course we've also left restaurants before, but it wasn't really as a punishment. It was more just because it wasn't fun for anyone, so we were better off leaving.

I don't think the fact that you went home twice and then gave them a boring sandwich is why your kids behaved. They probably just grew out of it. A two year old definitely won't understand that he only gets a sandwich because he was naughty an hour before at a restaurant.

I have two boys and we have parented them exactly the same.Ds1 was a restless,loud and boisterous boy.I was always running after him.He had no stop button.While Ds2 was a calmer,quiet and sensitive boy.He was easier to reason with.Just different personalities.Love them equally.

Why would you parent two completely different children the same?

My eldest and my middle DC were like chalk and cheese and had to be parented accordingly.

I have one calm and placid one who likes to be creative and would have sat and drawn or read if out with a friend and I have another who is very “spirited” and was much more of a challenge I have for boundaries and consistency has been the most helpful way calm things in the situations you describe, they know that if I say something and give a consequence I will follow through. I have had to leave drinks with friends or an activity so many times because that was the consequence i offered. So I learnt to make the consequence something I was willing to give up too. It does work though they are much older now but even now my youngest will run circles around my DH who has never be consistent, and they’re much better behaved for me.

This

You children are not naughty, they are just toddlers. Dont let people on here make you feel like shit about it. My boys were the exact same. There is 15 months between my energetic, boisterous boys so the toddler stage was very eventful. It does get easier as they get older, mature and more understanding. In the mean time whilst they are energetic, curious boys use your screen time in time of need, you need your own sanity to be a good mum. Dont let other people shame you for having time out so you can be the best version of yourself for them instead of a snappy burnout mummy. My boys were the exact same, maybe try looking for a hobby they could both enjoy together which burns off some steam. Maybe some kiddies sports clubs? Football, rugby, swimming? My boys ride motocross. I found having another authoritative figure to help them focus on something positive which they enjoy really helped mine

You can be as firm as you like, sometimes things escalate because you're too firm. You're better off ignoring them / leaving a place and finding different activities to do that don't trigger their wrath. Mid tantrum, you literally can't do anything to make it stop

I'm afraid that I'm the parent and I don't take the "wrath" as anything to get stressed about nor am I going to tiptoe around trying to avoid it.
Children getting cross, expressing their feelings and roaring because they wanted a blue cup not a red one / to run around/ undo straps is all part and parcel of their development.
I also think that there are a few very important rules that no matter what children need to follow.
If they don't I will intervene as its a safety issue.
Off the top of my head

Holding hands near a road
Crossing safely
Sitting down to eat ( choking)
Strapped in highchair/ car/ pushchair
Not running around in restaurants
No scissors/ knives

Some things are negotiable, some are absolutely not and that's the issue here.

Leave them home with husband while shopping, and don’t be too long. Get a babysitter for occasional lunch dates. Try kids every month or so to see if they are ready for public outings.

I find as a general rule, girls are more able to sit at a table in a cafe/restaurant for longer. It's like we are born to be more social and like having conversations. Boys are more likely to get restless and want to run round.
Obviously, I'm generalising, but there's a reason that 'girl mums' are usually taken aback at the behaviour of little boys. I've got both. I've known girl mums, boy mums and mums of both. Some boys sit nicely, some girls run round wild, but it's usually the other way round.

It’s both. They’re exhibiting normal behaviour by pushing boundaries but you giving in to them is making them ‘naughty’z. They know if the kick up enough fuss they’ll get what they want.

People have got to stop saying girls are better at sitting and doing nothing, they aren't, the reason you think they are is because you are sexist and have raised your daughters completely differently to how you have raised your sons.
Boys can behave themselves perfectly well, girls can run away and make a mess, stop it with the sexist stereotypes, it's just embarrassing

Boys are tough, particularly at that age. We have three boys, two with adhd so I completely understand the demands on you. When we went out I used to outline very clearly the behaviour I expected of them and what would happen if they complied (small treat) and exactly what would happen if they didn’t (no treat or even going home). No it doesn’t solve every problem straight away but it really does help. NEVER promise something you can’t deliver.
screen time in a restaurant is fine, or colouring or whatever keeps them occupied. Your friends children sound unusually well behaved …. I like a bit of spirit in kids.

Sounds fairly normal. 😊
Last week apparently my 2 year old grandson was at Soft Play. He took all his clothes off then ran round showing everybody his willy until his parents could catch him.
Let’s hope he grows out of that habit 🤣

A lot of people on here are talking about being tough on your children and marching them out of the cafe. Please don't. Be kind to them and kind to yourself. They are just tiny children and don't deserve a parent bullying them. Have a look at Therapeutic parenting and please don't listen to the Dragon parents. Jeez. So harsh! I'm a social worker and foster carer. I specialise in teens. I never have to raise my voice

My daughters calm and will chill but my Son is like a tornado everywhere we go and doesnt listen to a word i say.

Um marching them out is so they don't disturb other diners.
Nothing to do with bullying children 😂