Parents whose kids are in the same clothes for years

[Januaryisthepits]

I have a few mum friends who are wealthy (large homes with pools, private schools etc)
These mums dress their kids in clothes that they wait until are practically falling apart before they get new ones…dresses that then become tops with leggings, coats that are extremely snug etc. I realise it’s the smart thing to do and not wasteful etc, but I notice these parents v rarely spending any money on their childrens clothes and looking smart, whereas they will on themselves and spend money on experiences, often involving good restaurants and champagne.
In comparison, my mum friends with average income spend money on their kids clothes, making sure they fit, aren’t too old and shabby etc. My wealthier friends always seem to be proud of these cut backs they’re making, but it seems unfair on the kids, often buying second hand toys and books too, again, great, but nothing second hand themselves and also a bit unfair to the mums with less, who genuinely need the second hand items.
They also seem so proud to shop at Aldi/Lidl as though it’s an expression of something
Does anyone know what I mean?

My mum always said this growing up. The rich parents often have their kids in old or outgrown clothes and those who have less money dress their kids better. My mum never had any money and we were always clean with nice clothes.

we had a family friend who ran multiple successful businesses and had a fair bit of money from it and they drove the same old banger car for about 25 years.

I am not rich nor poor but I make sure my kids have nice clothes!

I will buy 2nd hand stuff for my dc & designer stuff for me but I also buy 2nd hand for myself. I like nice restaurants, why is that bad? I shop in Aldi & Waitrose.

You can't save enough money to send your kids to private school by not buying them a few 'normal' clothes that fit.

I have definitely noticed this is a trend and competitive frugality sums it up perfectly.

There also seems to be a real trend for less well of families to dress their children in brands head to toe. Nike track suits etc.

Went shopping with 13 yr old ds a couple of month ago and couldn't believe one of the shops we went into.

Designer stuff for kids.£600 coats, £250 hoodies, £120 T shirts etc. There was definitely a 'type' that was buying their children clothes in there.

I just can't fathom who would buy their children clothes that cost that much unless you are the Beckhams but I guess it is priorities. We spend £2k a month on school fees as that is our priority.

Each to their own.

Primark? Hell yea. Esp for vests,socks and dressing gowns. I’m mc the kids wear primark. Cheap & disposable

we had a family friend who ran multiple successful businesses and had a fair bit of money from it and they drove the same old banger car for about 25 years.

some people just don’t seem the value in it though. I would never spend 50k etc on a car regardless of my wealth.

Maybe they are better off precisely because they don't waste money on things that will be outgrown in two shakes.

My favourite phrase is

'money shouts wealth whispers'.

Sums it up nicely

Wanting young kids to look smart is a class marker
This. Poor people are very concerned about looking smart and new, and not visibly poor. While richer people happily wear tatty clothes because they have nothing to prove. Look at King Charles, who has been seen out and about with holey socks. Poor people would feel ashamed about that.

As for what you said about parents treating themselves and not the kids. It’s because they tend to buy good quality expensive stuff which is sustainably produced. So they want the kids to get the maximum wear out of it. It’s worth buying expensive stuff for yourself because you won’t grow out of it and you’ll wear it till it’s worn out, but it’s not worth continually spending on the kids because they grow out of it before it’s worn out.

Personally I won’t buy Primark clothes for my kids - I’ll buy something better quality and expect the kids to wear it as long as possible. You will notice that although my kids are wearing tatty clothes, they’re expensive good quality tatty clothes. And they are getting a fortune spent on them for music lessons and stuff - spending which won’t be wasted, compared to new clothes which is a waste.

And when those kids grow up they'll probably be in expensive clothes etc it's a class thing, Harry probably likes wearing Henry's old rugby shirt that's a bit faded etc😉

I tended when the dc were small to buy from charity shops. My theory was then they could destroy what they wore without it costing £££s.
But then about 90% of my non-underwear clothes are either over a decade (probably 2) old, or came from charity shops. The rest are almost all gifts.

My story on wearing things far too small was ds' coat. He wore it I think from age 4 to age 8/9. It wasn't all that big on him at age 4yo and he grew. I had to replace the zip and patch both elbows, repair the cuffs and darn a patch on the back he wore out from sliding. It had permanent stains on.
But he loved that coat. In fact, he's 16yo and I think it's still in his wardrobe; we certainly didn't throw it away.
I did suggest on many occasions it was time to get a new coat, which my girls would have loved, but he was not having it. He refused to even try them on.
I did buy him a new coat eventually; as close to that one as I could manage. He did wear it a couple of times I think, but that was it. I don't think he's worn a coat since - the last one I bought went too the charity shop when it was too small still with the tags on.

So it isn't necessarily always parents being mean. It could be the child saying "but I love it" and the parent thinking "pick your battles".

I used to make my kids clothes last for years - a dress became a tunic, became a top. They didn't look raggedy though and they did have smart clothes for special occasions. If they are going to pre-school, playing outside and getting muddy, doing any sort of arts and crafts thing, you don't want them in brand new clothes. We are not wealthy by the way!

My teenagers seem to like walking around in clothes that are too small or have rips in (not the intentionally ripped jeans type rips but actual ones). I let them get on with it.

Surprised to see lots of people disagreeing with you. If someone is spending money on expensive restaurants and clothes for themselves, but stinting their kids (and other kids WILL notice), then something is going wrong.

Sometimes it's fine to criticise someone's priorities.

The black bags handed round here didn't have much Primark no - but this was 10-ish years ago when Primark wasn't quite as ubiquitous as it is now. Mainly brands like H&M, Fat Face, Boden, John Lewis, M&S. And not things like pyjamas and socks, outerwear only.

It’s absolutely nothing like the article posted, at all.

In the article posted; the mother gives her child what she deems to be the “best” option; and to find that she eats discount options herself.

They recommend you do not change your infants formula; even when we switched my child onto prescription formula we had to do this very slowly (and she was allergic to her current milk!) - it can upset their digestion. Plus; when my child was born there were no facilities to make formula in the hospital - instead; they provided small ready made bottles with disposable teats for you. You had three choices - sma, cow and gate, and aptamil. The “cheaper” brand (mamia from Aldi) do not have any options for ready-made; therefore you cannot initially use this in hospital.

Completely unrelated article you posted; which just comes across as either poor shaming or formula shaming in the context of your post.

Yup I am loaded and my newly found passion is Aldi! 🙄. MN seems to thrive on generalisations.

The rich parents often have their kids in old or outgrown clothes and those who have less money dress their kids better.

but "better" is an objective term. What does "better" mean? If clothes and appearance for kids aren't important to you, then better is something which is comfortable is better, even if it's not matchy matchy. DD has always had strong opinions about her wardrobe and regularly chose eclectic outfits like a green spotty skirt with yellow striped top and bright orange tights. The fact she wasn't coordinated and matched didn't matter to me, other mothers were horrified.

@Gettingittogether I buy from charity shops, I used to go to car boot's but as online selling became more prevalent they seemed to go downhill. I have never bought any clothing online. Due to fit plus what is someone else’s idea of good condition may not be mine. I can sew so can make alterations and adjustments. I also buy secondhand clothes for the material.

Also for decent new clothes shopping it is a 12 mile round trip in to the city centre, the last time I went parking was £10 for 2 hours.

Of course an adult should spend more on their own clothes. A child will grow out of their clothes. Why spend loads of money on them? It’s basic.

Have you asked them why rather than slagging them off in a public forum?
You'll get the correct answer rather than speculating their motives

The rich parents often have their kids in old or outgrown clothes and those who have less money dress their kids better.

Thats not true

Ive noticed this with my DH family who are very wealthy & have been for generations - they simply don't really believe in spending much money at all om children's clothes or toys. They see it as simply not required.

DC's grandparents have huge amounts of money but often do not even buy the DC birthday gifts. When they do, its often an afterthought, a battered game from a charity shop or a plastic toy from the pound shop.

I think its a shame when a child is in too small/ill fitting or heavily worn/faded clothes when mum and dad are decked out in better quality new things.

Why, though? She obviously loves it and finds comfort in wearing it. What's wrong with that?

@Gettingittogether my last two purchases were a French connection top for £1 and a cashmere jumper that has two tiny holes under the arm that I can sew up easily and that was £2.

My DS is very hard on his clothes. Trainers that to your eyes look like they are old and falling apart are only a week or two old.

His coat had a tear in it within 2 days. He’s still wearing it because it’s his 4th coat of the winter so far and a small tear doesn’t stop the coat from working.

He’s got very long legs so his trousers always look too short because if I get the right length for his legs they are so big around the waist they simply won’t stay up.

I have highlights. I’m not sure what difference to his appearance you think it would make if I didn’t have them?