Parents whose kids are in the same clothes for years

[Januaryisthepits]

I have a few mum friends who are wealthy (large homes with pools, private schools etc)
These mums dress their kids in clothes that they wait until are practically falling apart before they get new ones…dresses that then become tops with leggings, coats that are extremely snug etc. I realise it’s the smart thing to do and not wasteful etc, but I notice these parents v rarely spending any money on their childrens clothes and looking smart, whereas they will on themselves and spend money on experiences, often involving good restaurants and champagne.
In comparison, my mum friends with average income spend money on their kids clothes, making sure they fit, aren’t too old and shabby etc. My wealthier friends always seem to be proud of these cut backs they’re making, but it seems unfair on the kids, often buying second hand toys and books too, again, great, but nothing second hand themselves and also a bit unfair to the mums with less, who genuinely need the second hand items.
They also seem so proud to shop at Aldi/Lidl as though it’s an expression of something
Does anyone know what I mean?

Quisensoucie i have asked sil about this and she was honestly slightly baffled by the question. She just thinks children's appearance does not matter at all.

I buy almost all clothes second hand, but mine probably look a bit more expensive than the kids, though I'm not a very 'polished' person. I wouldn't put them in anything too small but they do regularly wear stained clothing (I'd have to replace almost constantly for them not to...) and my eldest chews and destroys the cuffs of all his top. They probably do look a bit scruffy sometimes. They're really young (5 and 3) and I want their clothing to be purely practical- I remember not being allowed to do things in case I ruined clothes as a child and it seems so completely wrong-headed to me. I spend a lot of money on activities, toys, books and other treats for my children, but not clothes. If/when they care about their clothes (they were given clothes for Christmas by relatives and were so nonplussed by it) that might change but until then it does feel like a total waste of money and resources to me.

Competitive frugality the 21st Century version of the Four Yorkshiremen!

A lot of this thread reminds me of my childhood, (eons ago, I saw the last Coronation on a tiny TV), when 'what people thought' and 'what will the neighbours say' was often heard. Respectability was important in our lives, one of the biggest criticisms I heard my mother make was of 'her across the road, her windows are filthy' and I recall her being appalled when she saw a colour photo of Buck House and the windows were dirty and the nets weren't brilliant white.
None of the sociology of this thread is new.

Agree with this.

hand me downs/second hand makes so much sense when kids grow out of things before they wear out. Also kids need to have chance to get messy.

once you’re an adult and not likely to change size, it makes more sense to buy quality things (new or nearly new) and keep them for years, rather than fast fashion.

I think there is a particular well off aesthetic (is it sometimes called crunchy mums?) to have kids in mismatched clothes, holey hand knitting, tutu and wellies etc. I actually think it’s a nod towards trying to give kids a more carefree childhood (Letting them dress themselves and then tramp about in the woods or make a mud kitchen without worrying about staying clean) but there possibly is a degree of contrivance about it in some cases.

Oh, should now read 'the last but one Coronation'!

One of dd's favourite items is a second hand t shirt, from a cousin. It's now a crop top. It is stained. She refuses to part with it. She used to wear a lot of second hand stuff, but is now more discerning, preferring to find her own. I never spent much on dc clothes when they were little; didn't really care about how scruffy they looked either, even though I dressed v well for work.

As teens, one likes primark and nike. The other dresses like he's about to go and work on an allotment, if he's not in pajamas.

My mum, however, was obsessed with us being clean and tidy, because we were poor and she didn't want us to be judged.

I can see the sense I'm that. My mum always kept us safe, happy, healthy, entertained, fed, educated etc, but pretty much everything we had was second hand. It did really motivate all of me and my siblings to go and earn so we could spend on our own terms as soon as we were old enough as I think it helped me understand the value of money. I'm a believer in only have luxuries when I'm earning - if kids get nice things other than occasionally before they're earning I think it gives a warped sense of the value of money. I remember every time I was gifted something new/luxurious - she would try to encourage me to put it in one of those Christmas shoe box appeal to it could go to a kid that literally had nothing. It's also taught me that fun is more about feeding creativity than having the newest shiniest toys. It's important not to judge other people's financial priorities, there might be a bigger picture - i'm sure they have their reasons.

And I've been wearing many of my clothes for over 20 years, so I can have better things.

i love it when posters claim they dress their kids in small, second hand clothes. Then there next sentence is we are high earners. So would it be any different if someone on a low income or on benefits dresses their kids the same?

My 5 year old has clothes ranging from a 2-3 to a 7-8 in her wardrobe (she's tall for her age and skinny) and most of the time I let her wear what she wants. She wears dresses as tunics/tops once they are too short for example.

We spend a lot of time outside so practicality is the most important element. Shoes I'm a lot more rigid with though. Also coats, gloves and thermals.

My clothes are a mix. My wool winter coats are both 20 plus years old (one camel/one dark grey) and were very expensive at the time of purchase. Ditto my waxed jackets and I still have cashmere jumpers I wore to school (I"m mid 40s). I imagine I look as if I spend dramatically more money on myself/my clothes but it's more I have some expensive classic pieces and accessories mixed with other bits. Annually when you factor in replacing school clothes, activity items, shoes etc etc, we definitely spend more on the children than ourselves.

I shop in lidl (love the middle aisles and the different food weeks, especially Greek because their stuffed vine leaves are the best I've found in the UK) and visit charity shops.

I've never been in Primark. I feel as if I'm missing something now.

. I wouldn't put them in anything too small but they do regularly wear stained clothing (I'd have to replace almost constantly for them not to...)

Do you not know how to wash things properly? If they are very little and still spilling a lot of food they need a coverall. If they are a bit bigger they need to wear aprons etc and learn to roll up up sleeves with crafts etc.

Mud and food etc should all wash out if you are washing clothes properly. Most childrens craft materials are washable too this days. My children get in a mess a lot but aren't walking round in stained clothing.

It tells a lot about them when they're more than willing to spend large amounts of money on luxuries for themselves but can't be bothered to buy basics for their children... These people are superficial and their own children are not the priority to them, how sad

My mum put us in hideous second hand clothes for years even though they weren't broke, which didn't help me avoid being bullied. It's a form of neglect.

Are their shoes too small and falling apart or just their clothes?

I don't do most of the laundry, but I'll pass your feedback onto DH! The worst stains all come from school and nursery. We seem to end up with a lot of ink stains and some of it probably is carelessness - though given that there's an ink stain on the jeans I'm wearing right now I clearly don't set the best example...

There was another post similar to this not long ago.
There is truth in this as those from old money don’t feel the need to ‘showcase’ it. Often the kids look a bit shabby and in well worn hand-me-downs. I know several families from true wealth like this, yet they do still enjoy the high class lifestyle of wining and dining. I guess they feel they are being eco-friendly in some lifestyle choices yet enjoying the finer things in other areas.

Hpw do you get into such discussions with such a wide range of people that you can categorise into the following

1. Who is rich
2. Who shops second hand
3. How often people have champagne for lunch ?
4. How long their children have had their clothes.

My mum bought me a grey pinafore dress for reception class. I was a fat child and quite tall. Nevertheless, she had to take up the hem - I was really obese and she had to go up a few sizes to get something wide enough for me. (A doctor told her off and I was put on a diet.)

That pinafore lasted me all through primary school. I lost the weight and Mum let down the hem as I grew.

Finally, the bib was taken off and the skirt (with a bit of invisible stitching) became my spare uniform skirt for secondary school.

I was eventually bullied for 'wearing the same clothes - you're dirty!' [Nope. All clean and paid for.] The culprit was the Police Inspector's daughter. B**ch.

Farewell, finally worn-out pinafore, 1965-72.

[SAHM mum; coalminer dad]

Eh. A mixture of priorities and other factors like class, possibly. Appearances are a lot more important to propel I know who are poor and fear social services. People who are secure in their status tend not to care as much, in my experience.

PP @ShoePalaver is correct. It’s a class marker.

This. Very odd thing to post about.

My mum put us in hideous second hand clothes for years even though they weren't broke, which didn't help me avoid being bullied. It's a form of neglect.

Surely it’s because they were hideous not because they were second hand? Second hand clothing is neglect? 😆

This is so funny to read.
I was the Nanny. The mum loved her labels, we would go to the l clearance sales at the factory shop.
The husband looked like Mozart. Wore collarless shirts and jeans, with a £500 jacket if she made him go out.
The children were amazing, we had decent clothing, but it was worn till it didn't fit, the girl stole her brothers jumpers and t shirts, as they were so soft with wear.
I used to knit them jumpers....a sign of pride that someone loved them to create for them.

I've never been in Primark. I feel as if I'm missing something now.

You'll never need to worry about handing it down.

No it’s not unfair because they are children not adults. Maybe that’s their way of teaching them the value of money and not being wasteful with it whilst they still get to enjoy the nice things in life.