Parents whose kids are in the same clothes for years

[Januaryisthepits]

I have a few mum friends who are wealthy (large homes with pools, private schools etc)
These mums dress their kids in clothes that they wait until are practically falling apart before they get new ones…dresses that then become tops with leggings, coats that are extremely snug etc. I realise it’s the smart thing to do and not wasteful etc, but I notice these parents v rarely spending any money on their childrens clothes and looking smart, whereas they will on themselves and spend money on experiences, often involving good restaurants and champagne.
In comparison, my mum friends with average income spend money on their kids clothes, making sure they fit, aren’t too old and shabby etc. My wealthier friends always seem to be proud of these cut backs they’re making, but it seems unfair on the kids, often buying second hand toys and books too, again, great, but nothing second hand themselves and also a bit unfair to the mums with less, who genuinely need the second hand items.
They also seem so proud to shop at Aldi/Lidl as though it’s an expression of something
Does anyone know what I mean?

This! Competitive frugality through the medium of offspring. It's a thing.

That is heartbreaking. The poor little girl. Is that not more neglect really though? Like finding second hand shoes or a cheap pair of primark shoes should be accessible to everyone.

My point is that people’s priorities are completely different - some people want their kids to be smartly turned out and are sensitive to them not looking poor. While others, like me, don’t feel they have anything to prove and prioritise comfort and play. And both camps judge the others !

Oh you articulated that better than I ever could. Competitive frugality, love it🤣

@thirdistheonewiththehairychest How dare a rich person assume that they are the only ones giving money regularly to charity?
And private education and charitable giving are part of your disposable income, not something separate.
It was well known when I used to shake a bucket for a local charity that we'd make more money outside the supermarket in area x (very much working class) than in area y (upper middle). It's great that you are supporting charities but so wrong that you're patting yourself on the back for it like this.

The thing is, these kids are not necessarily playing, messing around and getting dirty without them worrying about decent clothes getting ruined. They often aren't creatively messy or outdoorsy types at all.

But kids don't care about designer clothes or good restaurants... They're happy to wear their same old random sweatshirt and go to Mcdonalds. So no, I dint think it's unfair

I feel the same.

Some people are wealthy because they don't spend lots of money on designer clothes and save it instead

I am in this camp really. I don't prioritise stuff. I prioritise experiences.

I doubt it bothers the kids.

Both my two when they were little just had a couple of favourite outfits that they found most comfy and wore till the items fell apart. It was a battle of wills to get them to wear anything else.

Being rich wouldn’t make it a battle I would choose.

@Januaryisthepits

OP I understand where you are coming from.
Knowing a family who does this.

The Mum has told me she really begrudges buying the kids clothes and toys. They are often in things that they have grown out of over a year ago and have holes in them. But she has no qualms at spending loads of money on herself, they also live a privileged lifestyle.

But most of the kids clothes come from grandparents and are expensive and bought two sizes too big. I find it a bit sad that the kids either wear trousers which are a couple of inches short of their ankle or have been rolled up five times so they dont trip over them. Their jumpers are again either rolled several times at the cuff or too short. And the coats the same, one extreme or the other.

A lot of the toys are second or third hand and if the kids have a birthday party the Mum requests no gifts from attendees.

These sounds exaggerated to me.
If you are talking about one person - fine. But many parents with swimming pools, food shopping at Aldi and Lidl, and not dressing their kids in properly fitting clothes - not a thing ime.

often involving good restaurants and champagne.

lol

My kids clothes are from Asda,H&M,Tesco. Mine are not
My kids run,climb,sit in puddles. I unfortunately do not
I buy my kids clothes that aren’t for keeping good or long term,clothes that they can get wrecked and also that they grow fast

your post is mean spirited and picky

I do that because my kids love their clothes! It might be print or a fabric they really like, so a dress becomes a top when it's too small.

It's not that we don't go on holiday, we just give money to charity first and then painstakingly save up in order to be able to go on holiday.

My DPs are war generation. I think that impacted them and how they brought me up, again influencing how I brought up my DC. This includes making clothes last!

I used to buy the best clothes for my kids that I could afford and they would swim in them until they were too big. I did this more with my second as he grew so fast. School uniforms were just a little bit bigger as my kids totally destroyed them at speed.

Why are people talking about designer clothes for children anyway? Very very few people spend money like that.

I grew very very poor. Charity shops weren't much of a thing then but there's no way my mother would have bought anything from there. She would've felt like a failure and she felt enough of a failure anyway.

I only bought new things my children, now adult. I didn't spend an awful lot of money on their clothes but everything was new and usually ladybird, Marks & Spencer's or mothercare, those sort of prices. Nowadays I would buy them clothes from supermarkets if I liked them.

They are quite happy to buy secondhand clothes from Vinted etc where I still wouldn't want to do that really unless it was something that it only been worn once or twice. They don't have the same associations that I do.

Loving all the scruffy kids being used a class signaller.

My mother was always worried that people would think we were poor if we weren't perfectly turned out, I doubt people who are rich worry about that.

@Bumpitybumper is spot on. I live in a very middle class area and kids here are generally dressed in hand me downs, or second hand. I was given a Boden rugby shirt for my eldest (new) when he was about 3, he wore it until it didn't fit any more and then it was passed through about 4 other boys until it came back to me for my youngest. This was very common, lots of passing around of black bags of clothes at the school gate, roaring trade at the school uniform second hand shop. My own wardrobe is at least 60% charity shop.

SIL is not nearly as comfortable financially, her main fear is being judged as "poor". So her kids never ever had hand me downs or second hand in any form, everything was brand new. Preferably with a brand name on it. She won't even drop stuff off at the charity shop in case someone sees her going in. Her adult daughter won't shop in the sale section of a shop because "she's not a pov".

It's really weird and very alien to me. But then, I don't feel I have anything to prove to anyone.

Apologies, I didn't intend it to come across that way.

My now adult kids were always dressed in good quality, sometimes designer clothes and shoes. They also wore cheap clothes for playing, being up the stables etc. I'm comfortably off (not wealthy, nor struggling) as are my friends. We also pass down to our friends. My kids had lots of designer clothes that had been kindly gifted from friends and I, in turn passed them on.
There are a few wealthy families I know who do put their kids in ankle swingers (they're Boden darling) and faded tops but each to their own.
It does come back to bite you on the bum when your teens want Prada / Alexander McQueen trainers and £200 tracksuits!
I was always dressed well. My mum had stuff made for me if she couldn't find the things she bought for my older sister, in my size. Ridiculously dressed us the same but that was the norm in 70s. Im tiny and my first shoes were made for me from Spain as I started walking in a size not normally made. I'm in London and Grant shoes in Walworth organised it. I had a leather jacket made for me when I was 14.
I also remember spending £200 on a Vivienne Westwood basque at 17 (I was working). In 1988.
Thankfully my adults now buy their own.
Wealthy people ime either dress their kids head to toe designer or in shabby clothes. All of these children have been happy.

Has anyone mentioned the problem of getting stuff that actually fits yet? DS1 (11, not underweight!) is 5’4” with a 24 inch waist. I despair as trousers that stay up always gap at the ankle. (School trousers he can just about keep up the ASDA extra long ones, thank heavens). I’ve taken to buying ladies size 4 but they’re difficult to find and he obviously is not a lady shape. Argh! Same with long sleeved tops as his arms need an almost adult length but his body needs age 8.

I wonder if any of those black bags had Primark clothes in them? IME the middle class are delighted to share around a bit of Boden or Joules but wouldn't be seen dead in Primark.