Parents whose kids are in the same clothes for years

[Januaryisthepits]

I have a few mum friends who are wealthy (large homes with pools, private schools etc)
These mums dress their kids in clothes that they wait until are practically falling apart before they get new ones…dresses that then become tops with leggings, coats that are extremely snug etc. I realise it’s the smart thing to do and not wasteful etc, but I notice these parents v rarely spending any money on their childrens clothes and looking smart, whereas they will on themselves and spend money on experiences, often involving good restaurants and champagne.
In comparison, my mum friends with average income spend money on their kids clothes, making sure they fit, aren’t too old and shabby etc. My wealthier friends always seem to be proud of these cut backs they’re making, but it seems unfair on the kids, often buying second hand toys and books too, again, great, but nothing second hand themselves and also a bit unfair to the mums with less, who genuinely need the second hand items.
They also seem so proud to shop at Aldi/Lidl as though it’s an expression of something
Does anyone know what I mean?

Sorry...should have checked my predictive text!! child's coat !

OK.....

I think so. In the wealthy MC neighbourhood I live in kids are in mismatched hand me downs as a standard look, living in £1.5m houses and showing all the signs of not being hard up. Down the road it’s smart trainers and branded clothes but not always enough food to eat (I’m speaking from professional experience, not guessing).

here ya go, OP

https://www.futurelearn.com/info/blog/find-a-new-hobby-lockdown

Im that mother sometimes 🙈 I dont buy secondhand toys etc and my kids get the best of the best experience wise. Meaning our holidays and weekends are tailored around them, they get spoiled with excursions and so on. But their clothes are really not a priority as long as they are still comfortable and functional. For example ski outfits.. I buy very expensive brands because from experience i know they just last much longer. Usually i buy a bit too big and DS can wear it for 3 years (once a bit big, once just right and once a bit tight). DD is 8 and shes never owned her own ski clothes, because when DS outgrows its usually perfect for her. Now she would definitely pick a pink outfit if i asked her, but shes never complained so far.
Kids just dont appreciate nice things (clothes), so i dont see why they should always get nice new things. I appreciate nice things, so theres nothing wrong with buying new fancy clothes, shoes etc. for myself 🤷🏻‍♀️

“often buying second hand toys and books too, again, great, but nothing second hand themselves and also a bit unfair to the mums with less, who genuinely need the second hand items”

Wow. Today I learned that I’m not allowed to buy secondhand things in case someone less well off needs to buy it instead…!

Tight coat is a bit rubbish but the rest is ok. The kids can play, mess around, get dirty without anyone worrying about decent clothes getting ruined.
The dryer often shrinks clothes a bit and some parents allow their dc to choose what they wear. Part of their growth and development.

Didn't you know there's a world wide shortage of second hand books and clothes, because rich housewives are buying up all stock?

(ignore the huge piles left outside charity shops )

Interesting post. We are second hand, buy to last people. We are wealthy and have high income. We have lots of nice holidays and enjoy eating out and giving the kids different experiences (they hate pizza express).
My sister and brother in law are the opposite. Lower income. But obsessed with branding for her kids. It's all North Face this and expensive Nike trainers that. No time for it.

They see it as a sign of prestige. I'd rather the kids play multiple instruments and travel the world. I've no doubt she gets it in the sales (I know she doesn't use vinted because I've seen the parcels from brands arrive and piled by the door).

Each to their own.

@Minibreak2023 sorry, yes that is what I meant. Within this large family was a family with children slightly younger than us, who my mum used to pass our clothes on to. In the South of England this family are well known.

How old are your kids?

My DC (12) will wear the same ratty trainers day in and day out even though he has others to choose from. He doesn't care about the tears or holes because he loves them and says they are comfortable. He asked for a pair of Jordans, wore them two times and never again. He won't give up the ratty ones. I've thrown them in the bin but he somehow found them again before I got rid of them for good.

Same with clothes, he must play really hard at school because he constantly has knee skids or tears/stains on everything and will still wear them. He says he doesn't want to get rid of them. I often have to ask him to change before going out.

I am lolling here at all the people posting that they dress their children like tramps and spend the saved money on books!!🤣

I have an ear worm of Pulp's Common People stuck in my head now, thanks to this thread.

This 100%.

And this!!
Passing on ski clothes!🤣

This has to be a parody thread surely?

I actually disagree with this although I use clothes till the kids outgrow (if there not torn or stained etc) and will happily buy on vinted the fact the parents only have the best clothes, hair does, nights out etc is what makes this wrong. It sounds like the parents are prioritising themselves at the expense of there kids and that is wrong. We are not wealthy but he kids are always clean, dressed in clothes that fit well and are unstained. We both do without to ensure this happens. It's basic parenting to ensure kids have clothes that fit and are suitable.

I will happily buy good quality second hand toys and don't see an issue with anyone doing this because the toy industry is so wasteful.

😀

It's all social status signalling.

The poorest are often desperate to pretend that they are not poor so will invest in brands and dedicate a larger percentage of their resources towards making sure their children are well cared for and aren't going without.

The middle class will invest in different brands like Joules, Boden etc and make sure their children wear them to death. You'll hear phrases like 'we buy quality rather than quantity' and 'I choose clothes my children are comfortable in' but in reality this leads to another group of kids all wearing similar clothes that act like a social signal that the child is of a certain class.

There is a sub class within the middle class where it's important to show that you don't place too much emphasis on appearance and couldn't care less about brands etc. These kids generally have messy hair and mismatched and ill fitting clothes. This is another social signal emitted to show that you are actually above the other groups that care about how their children look and wouldn't be concerned with such ridiculousness. They are literally trying to signal they are too posh and rich to care.

All the groups are ultimately playing to a stereotype and social signalling but not many people seem to realise that this is what is happening. It's a very interesting phenomenon!

I just don't believe that I'm afraid. I believe it about the private school but not about giving so much to charity and not having any treats yourself. I've never heard of anyone who doesn't go on holiday and give money to charity instead

Buying designer brands on Vinted probably a bit cheaper than travelling the world and kids learning multiple instruments.

@thirdistheonewiththehairychest

start spending some money on yourself! It’s not all about the kids and their education! You’re a long time dead!

Also, what would be the point of taking the kids to "nice restaurants"? If I thought my kids would actually enjoy a trip to the Turkish restaurant instead of just moaning and moping and demanding chips, I'd be made up.

Definitely

Yes, and it's sad
(Has anyone said it's not sad?)