Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

This. Go and read some of the threads from the poor sods who don't even get a card on their birthday from their OH and then count your blessings. You are very lucky

I beginning to think this is a wind up!

It's a cruise, loads of people will have booked to go on! Surely it's what people want? Well apart from you.

@Justcallmebebes so I should suck it up because some women are with men so shit they don’t even bother with a card? Maybe if less people told them to suck it up then they’d be with men who actually gave a shit about them. It’s not a race to the bottom

I’m assuming that Amsterdam is the place on your list and Bruges the one you’ve no interest in? If so you couldn’t be more wrong.

My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday
to me this actually says you don’t necessarily want a beach holiday as you aren’t fussed about having it in the summer when it’s beach weather. Maybe he took it that way?

Yes you should suck up your DH booking a cruise for your birthday....

It will be so dreadfully difficult to suck up I suppose?

My husband knows me very well we have been married over 20 years and we know each other tastes very well but If I was as particular about your holiday requirements as you are no holiday my husband books would be right

If you were that needy why not just book your own, would have been simpler than this dream saga thing you have going on

So for your hubby bday you picked what you really wanted to do because you could add in a water park which your dh would like. Maybe your husband really wanted to go on a cruise for his bday?

@ObsidianGrape nope I did exactly what he wanted because I asked for clues. He loved the trip. It’s possible for two people to like similar things you know

It seems to me that you booked what you like to do for his birthday holiday, so maybe this is what he wants to do.

I understand I should have been clearer and will definitely do so in future if he wants to surprise me again.

Read this back again.

Sounds to me like your dh has tried to book something different to the norm in order to make it feel a bit more special than your usual holidays.

And in choosing a cruise he's considered places you've mentioned having an interest in going to, so he has put thought and effort in to making it about you.

To me that sounds pretty considerate and thoughtful.

What do you want actually for poster's to say? Divorce him? Let him go on the holiday himself?

You were game playing and he wasn't psychic? What else do you want?

So you asked for clues to book a surprise? Doesn't that defeat the object?

You either want a surprise or you tell the other person what you want and it's not a surprise?

I didn’t want to go on a cruise but my mum always wanted to and after my dad died my eldest son and I decided to suck it up. We absolutely loved it. Seeing so many different places, waking up somewhere near every day and standing on deck watching us sail off every night. I used to be like you when I was your age, and loved beach locations, never interested in other holidays. Then I branched out into city breaks and realised how boring it is sitting on the beach all day when there’s so much to see in this world of ours. I’d say go on it. I bet you will be pleasantly surprised

I think there is far too much emphasis being put on your birthday being a huge milestone that has to be perfect. It’s just a birthday and by all accounts your husband has booked something he thought you’d enjoy. I don’t understand the whole we’ve wanted to visit this place but it’s not good enough for an ‘important’ birthday, honestly does it really matter? You’re behaving very spoilt and with your strict criteria, you should have booked what you wanted yourself.

I'd love to do a cruise!

Never been but hopefully one day.

OP… you’re disappointed and that is okay. Personally, I would just go on the holiday and make the best of it that you can. Read positive cruise stories, hype yourself up.

You say your husband was really excited to tell you, I’m not sure I’d have the heart to say that he failed miserable and should try to cancel it for something else as I’m imagining how it would feel being on the receiving end of that. It sounds like he took a punt on something a bit different, knowing you weren’t actually opposed to the idea.

This won’t be your last chance to go on holiday :)

😂👍🏼

I feel sorry for Bruges. Poor Bruges what did Bruges ever do to you? Read up on it, find an interest angle, or get drunk.

If you wanted to be in charge of where you go, then you should have booked it yourself or at least told him! And I am not saying that in a mean way, I genuinely do not understand why some people think they mustn’t lift a finger when it is their own birthday and seem more interested in testing the mind reading skills of their partner. I generally organise trips / outings / restaurants for my birthday as I like to pick what to do and it really doesn’t spoil it.

Your husband has obviously picked something he thought you would enjoy and yes maybe it is different to what you usually do. Maybe he thought you had the capacity to appreciate something different! He has done a nice thing and you sound ungrateful and honestly have you seriously been teary all day? Teary because somebody booked a cruise for you? I have read it all.

Why are some posters saying 30 isn’t a milestone birthday? Of course it is, all the 0’s are. We don’t get many of them in life so they should be celebrated. I think this set up is odd. Give a few hints and it’s not a surprise as he’s told you, so really for the next big birthday you need to just book what you want.

I understand I should have been clearer and will definitely do so in future if he wants to surprise me again.

If you tell him you’re disappointed there won’t be a next time. You’re very entitled OP

It sounds lovely tbf OP but I understand your feelings as I used to be the same way. I’d get an idea of my day/holiday/life in my head and I’d get really upset if it didn’t go the way I’d planned.

You need to swallow your disappointment and try to get excited about doing something different. The cruise will be fun if you go with a positive mindset. Also worth bearing in mind, you may not have hit the mark as well as you think you had for your DH’s 30th but he could see the effort you’d put in and he knew he’d have fun being with you. Try and give the same back to your DH, he didn’t get it quite right this time but you don’t want a DH who never arranges or books anything in case he “gets it wrong”.

Also, it’s a good idea to adopt a “go with the flow” attitude now before having kids (if you want them) as those little fuckers are great at taking your expectations and smashing them into pieces

I’m grateful but I’m also allowed to be disappointed

It’s not that you aren’t allowed to be disappointed. No one can allow you to feel one way or another except for you. The point is that it’s not a particularly useful or reasonable feeling to keep hold of and focus on. And that is within your control.

You agreed to a surprise but didn’t really want one. He seems to have listened to what you have told him in some ways, just not the bits you wanted him to - he’s heard the city you’ve mentioned and the surprise bit. His surprise is doing something a bit different. (Maybe he would have really liked it if you’d switched things up a bit for the holiday you planned for him. But was gracious about getting another holiday in the same vein as normal).

There are aspects of cruising that could be seen as similar to a beach holiday. Cocktails and lounging about. Does the boat have a spa? It sounds like a short trip leaving from the UK, so I presume you won’t be getting the heat you crave, but could you (and would you enjoy) book up some spa treatments and spend time in the sauna/hot tub to get some of the heat you crave? Try out the restaurants. Dress up for dinner if you enjoy that.

So focus on the being grateful, not on the disappointment. See if you can find his excitement in the idea. Because, yes, as you’ve realised, it would be unreasonable to tell him.

There’s no reason it can’t be a good holiday even if it’s not the holiday of your dreams (which it sounds like you might sort of done for his birthday?). But you will go on lots more holidays. There will be time to feel the hot air as you step off the plane. There will be time to sit on a lot more beaches. For now, see if he’s recognised something in you that will respond well to a cruise, it’s worth a bit of risk. It’s not the end of the world. You might actually be surprised!

And if not, next time, don’t agree to surprises! At least you’ll have learnt that, which is a good lesson in a marriage.