Page 3 | Disappointed with birthday trip

Holidaybluees · 2024-01-13T02:21:52+00:00

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location. I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip. I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

Boomboom22 · 13/01/2024 04:26

Weird responses you are getting, the fact is it is disappointing because it shows he doesn't really listen and doesn't particularly care.
Is he more interested in these cities than you? What's the price difference between a holiday you'd like and extra cruise?

Also a cruise seems a very very strange choice for a 30th bday, or any 30 year old at all! Pretty much everyone else on the ship will be over 60, especially if its adults only! Like he'd booked an adult only retirement hotel instead of an adult only party hotel essentially.

Mumoftwo1312 · 13/01/2024 04:29

If you have very specific requirements/expectations, don't agree on having a surprise.

The point of a surprise is you don't get to choose.

I feel very sorry for your dp, it sounds very difficult trying to meet your expectations, if you are usually like this!

kisstheblarney · 13/01/2024 04:34

Holidaybluees · 13/01/2024 04:13

In my circle 30 is a milestone birthday. It’s the same for a lot of other people. Anyway, we agreed to surprise each other for our 30th birthdays. Personally I hate surprises but I’ve said in passing that I can’t wait to get back to the beach and how I love when the hot air hits you when you step off the plane. We briefly discussed it last year for his birthday and I said I’d like an adults only hotel. I didn’t think I needed to be clearer as he knows what I like. I enjoy a city break but it’s not what I wanted for my birthday. The cities we’re going to are very easy to get to and we could go anytime. The place we went to last year requires more time and planning. I understand I should have been clearer and will definitely do so in future if he wants to surprise me again. I disagree that I’m spoilt as I’ve said several times I’m grateful but I’m also allowed to be disappointed when it’s so far removed from what I was expecting/ what we’ve talked about. One city is on my list but it’s always been discussed in passing, I’ve never placed a great deal of importance on it as we can literally go whenever. He’s let me guess a couple of times before the surprise was revealed and I’ve guessed beachy places and asked if there was a beach. I also asked if I could have a window seat on the plane. Surely this was enough for him to realise what I wanted? Anyway I’m probably not going to say anything as I don’t want to upset him.

You agreed to a surprise but actually you wanted full control and him to do exactly what you had in your head......

🤔

That's not a surprise!

unlikelychump · 13/01/2024 04:36

Gosh, your mistake was thinking it might be fun to spend piles of money on each other without discussing it. I can't think of anything worse myself, but you set the precedent when you did this for him. I think you need to respond with the same grace he did

You never know, you might even enjoy it. Travel is about experiencing new things.

Original poster

Holidaybluees · 13/01/2024 04:42

the surprise was meant to be the location but I thought I’d given enough clues as to what I wanted. I definitely won’t be doing this again as it’s too much hassle. I do think a cruise is an odd choice for a 30th especially as I’ve never been on one before so it’s also a tad risky as it’s so different to trips I’ve done in the past. He does listen and is often thoughtful but I think he heard me mention the city and just honed in on it. I do wish I’d been more upfront but I genuinely thought what I wanted was a given since we like the similar things

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KeepingKeepingOn · 13/01/2024 04:42

Why have you posted in AIBU if you’ve already decided you’re justified in feeling what you’re feeling? Post in Chat to complain that your DH hasn’t delivered to your exact yet unspoken instructions and that you’re pissed off that one holiday out of no doubt dozens more isn’t exactly what you’d choose.

Seems an odd choice of section if you’re going to shut the significant majority of posters down with ‘I’m entitled to feel upset’ 🫤

Hemelbelle · 13/01/2024 04:43

Why is the cruise only going to two cities? I would have thought there would be several more stops, depending how long it is. Hopefully going with low expectations you may enjoy it more than expected and it'll be quality time together.

Original poster

Holidaybluees · 13/01/2024 04:44

@KeepingKeepingOn why do you care? My question was whether I’d be unreasonable to say anything. If you don’t like my responses then keep on scrolling

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Original poster

Holidaybluees · 13/01/2024 04:44

@Hemelbelle i have no idea. I’ve never done a cruise so I don’t know how it all works.

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AnotherCrazyCatLady · 13/01/2024 04:51

I was sceptical about cruising, until I went on a cruise, and came back evangelical. One of the best holidays I've ever had. If anything I wanted more sea days, as there was so much to do on the boat (including hanging out at the pool, given you like water stuff) but most of our days were at port. A lot depends on who you cruise with, and maybe your husband has picked poorly - but maybe you'll have an amazing time and will do a 180 on cruising.

I'd definitely cruise again.

Bournetilly · 13/01/2024 04:52

Hemelbelle · 13/01/2024 04:43

Why is the cruise only going to two cities? I would have thought there would be several more stops, depending how long it is. Hopefully going with low expectations you may enjoy it more than expected and it'll be quality time together.

It depends how long the cruise is for. It’s probably a 3/4 night cruise so would only have time for 2 cities.

Nanaof1 · 13/01/2024 04:52

Holidaybluees · 13/01/2024 03:14

I realise this comes across as a first world problem. My issue is he’s put a lot of thought in but completely missed the mark. His birthday was exactly the kind of thing he likes. He loves water parks and hot weather so that’s what I booked. I love the beach and lounging by the pool with a town nearby to explore. Also enjoy water sports. I’m just teary because I hit all his criteria but none of mine have been hit. Again very grateful but it’s a big birthday and I’ve had it in my head that the two trips would be like for like. Clearly I should have been explicitly clear about what I wanted but I thought he knew me well enough to know.

So this cruise will have no pool for you to lounge beside and no water sports at any of the stops? No city to explore?
What cities are on the cruise itinerary?

Evanesy · 13/01/2024 04:52

How can he have missed the mark when you didn’t even hint what the mark was?

He’s not a mind reader.

Spartak · 13/01/2024 04:53

If you don't stop with the hysterics, he's going to realise you are very unhappy with the choice.

A tad risky? Too much hassle? It's a week long holiday, not moving to the outer hebrides.

LiquidGold315 · 13/01/2024 04:53

Spartak · 13/01/2024 03:02

So sad because you are only getting to go on a cruise for your birthday?

I think you need to get a grip.

Agree with this!
And since when is 30 a milestone birthday? 🤔🤔

Cantalever · 13/01/2024 04:54

Hi OP. I am going to go against the tide here, as I totally get why you are disappointed - both the holiday choice itself, and that he has not considered your tastes enough. It sounds more what he likes.
I would have the talk with him - really appreciate that he has done something for your big birthday, but point out that you would prefer a beach holiday. Maybe between you you can work out how to adapt the cruise? Is it going somewhere hot where you could stop off and rejoin the cruise later? Or maybe take the hit of a bit of loss and together book something different. I think you should make your feelings known - he is a big boy, and can, or should be able to accept that and acknowledge that he did not get this right. Otherwise you are kind of patronising him by pretending to love something you don't. He is grown up enough to deal with it.

Bournetilly · 13/01/2024 04:54

Cruises are great (I’m a similar age to you). You might end up really enjoying it. I can understand why you are disappointed if it wasn’t what you were expecting and you usually love beach holidays but your partner obviously thought you would like it.

Are you sure you booked his dream holiday? Maybe he wanted something more like this but didn’t want to say so.

I wouldn’t say anything to him, just go and hopefully you’ll have a good time. Can you afford a cheaper summer holiday too? Sounds like the cruise is quite short with only visiting 2 cities, if you paid for an expensive destination for him you’ve possibly paid a lot more.

Evanesy · 13/01/2024 04:56

Cantalever · 13/01/2024 04:54

Hi OP. I am going to go against the tide here, as I totally get why you are disappointed - both the holiday choice itself, and that he has not considered your tastes enough. It sounds more what he likes.
I would have the talk with him - really appreciate that he has done something for your big birthday, but point out that you would prefer a beach holiday. Maybe between you you can work out how to adapt the cruise? Is it going somewhere hot where you could stop off and rejoin the cruise later? Or maybe take the hit of a bit of loss and together book something different. I think you should make your feelings known - he is a big boy, and can, or should be able to accept that and acknowledge that he did not get this right. Otherwise you are kind of patronising him by pretending to love something you don't. He is grown up enough to deal with it.

They have talked about going on a cruise, and it’s to a city she wants to go to. How is that about what he likes?

She obviously had a different idea in mind about what she wanted, but she didn’t even hint that to him.

kisstheblarney · 13/01/2024 04:56

Holidaybluees · 13/01/2024 04:42

the surprise was meant to be the location but I thought I’d given enough clues as to what I wanted. I definitely won’t be doing this again as it’s too much hassle. I do think a cruise is an odd choice for a 30th especially as I’ve never been on one before so it’s also a tad risky as it’s so different to trips I’ve done in the past. He does listen and is often thoughtful but I think he heard me mention the city and just honed in on it. I do wish I’d been more upfront but I genuinely thought what I wanted was a given since we like the similar things

But why is it and odd choice?

Why would it not be a good idea because you've not been on one before, it's different, it's a surprise!

Rosieposie200 · 13/01/2024 05:05

You’ve haven’t said where you’re going in Europe - if you’re touring the Mediterranean then just tag on some days at the end for beach lounging!
If it’s Northern Europe then just look at is as an adventure… you might love it’s (if you allow yourself to be open to something new)

Just don’t go with the attitude that you’d rather be on the beach…

TiredCatLady · 13/01/2024 05:08

30 is not a big milestone birthday. If you really feel like this about the cruise then I’m afraid it will be obvious to your DH. Say something now, be prepared for the fallout and be explicit in what you actually want. Then cancel it and rebook.

Original poster

Holidaybluees · 13/01/2024 05:10

30 may not be a milestone birthday to some of you but it is to me and pretty much everyone I know.

the cruise is going to Amsterdam and Bruges so not much chance for sun lounging or jet skiing

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Original poster

Holidaybluees · 13/01/2024 05:10

We get one overnight in Amsterdam and 9 hours in Bruges so it all feels so rushed and not leisurely

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Guavafish1 · 13/01/2024 05:11

I think in future its better if you book holidays and then you won't be disappointed.

3luckystars · 13/01/2024 05:15

I hope the weather stays fine for you.