Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

@JamesonJameson yes you’re right I think I’ll have to suck it up and consider it a lesson learned. The thought of upsetting him crushes me so I think it’s unlikely I’ll say anything

Honestly, you sound petulant and unbelievably ungrateful.
You wanted him to do 'like for like' and he's 'missed the mark'?!
Fucking hell...

The city is on your list of future destinations.
You've talked about wanting to go on a cruise.
You do like city getaways.
You gave him the incredibly vague hint “I don’t mind waiting until later in the year” and then left him to book something as a surprise.
He booked a type of trip he knew you were interested that goes to a place he knew you wanted to go.

So the problem is that it wasn’t what you had been wanting to do for this specific occasion? If you wanted something specific, why on earth did you leave him to try to read your mind? This is like telling him to pick a restaurant for date night, him taking you to an Italian place you’ve been talking about trying, and then you getting upset because you were craving Japanese food.

It's a cruise, you'll still be able to lounge by a pool and visit places. There will be nice food and drink.

If you go with the mindset that it's going to be awful, then you won't enjoy it.

And turning 30 is really not that big a deal. I can't even remember what I did for mine.

Oh no - another " I didn't get exactly what I wanted for my birthday - my husband isn't a mind reader, oh poor me ! "

Tell you what - next birthday organise it yourself. Get exactly what you want. It's the best way to get a perfect holiday , instead of giving out vague "hints" and then being upset because he "missed the mark".

It is a gift and you should relax and love it.
Time with DH is what is most on the agenda for Dh it seems. That is romantic.
Do you usually like to control holiday destinations?

You are going to one city of your choice and one surprise.

The only thing you might do is to join the cruise or leave the cruise one city in - ie keep the booking as is but decide to spend more time at the first or final city.

Should she go on the holiday first, to see if she likes it?

She may enjoy it!

LTB

🙄

Completely agree with this @Holidaybluees!!

It sounds like he’s actually put a lot of effort in!

If he’d booked a cruise to somewhere that he knew you didn’t want to go to when you suffered severe sea sickness or something then I could see your point that he’d missed the mark quite a lot!! But it sounds like he’s actually ticked off quite a few things that you enjoy!

@Holidaybluees

Oh my goodness, I’d be completely gobsmacked if anyone did anything like this for any of my milestone birthdays. It may not be your first choice of destinations, but surely you can enjoy all the positives of a holiday you that you weren’t quite expecting. Sometimes doing something out of your comfort zone/preconceived ideas etc allows you find joy in new things??

I don't understand your disappointment.
Beach holidays are great....but they are what many people do every year. Not really special for a special birthday. Lots of people would see the cruise as being more distinct, memorable and marking that milestones.
Maybe he was disappointed with his trip.
Yes he loves waterparks but he's done lots. A city break or cruise maybe what he wanted.

I agree. I can’t believe she’s so upset she’s crying.

@Holidaybluees if you only want very specific types of holidays then maybe stop giving holidays as birthday presents and work together to plan vacations you both like.

One of the city’s is on your list though? That could be confusing.

It sounds like you had a really specific thing in mind and when that’s the case it makes it so hard for the other person to meet your expectations. It’s not that he doesn’t know you, it’s that he’s not a mind reader.

Personally I would let go of disappointment and just enjoy what’s been planned, then next time be the one to plan the vacation, even if it’s for your birthday.

Sorry but I think YABU. He has done a kind thoughtful thing ad even if it's not what you'd have chosen the fact he has done so with you in mind is lovely. It's hardly a trip to Guantanamo bay. You will have fun in a nice location with the guy you love.

My fortieth was in lockdown. I went to the Keswick pencil museum with my husband in the rain. It was a laugh because we were together and made it fun.

Stick a smile on. I really think you will enjoy it.

I’ve had it in my head that the two trips would be like for like.
So you basically wanted the exact same holiday?
Can just imagine. ' AIBU DH put no thought into my milestone birthday and just copied what I did for him!'

I am sort of with you because I'm sure I'd be disappointed if DH booked a trip that completely missed the mark. It's disappointing to think he doesn't know you. But 30 isn't really a big birthday. I know it feels like it is, but it's not a 'celebrate with a big trip' milestone. We went to Karaoke Box for mine! I thought this was going to be your 50th, then maybe you'd have a point. Given that one of the cities is actually on your list, I'd just go with it.

If you only wanted to go to a very specific place, doing specific things, in the way you specifically wanted....you should have planned it yourself.

Instead, hubby, put actual thought into a big birthday trip for you. A cruise is truly delightful and a river cruise even more intimate than a big cruise liner that fits thousands of people. Wonderful meals, exciting excursions to do; you will have a wonderful time together......if you will just let go of this silly idea that only your tropical beach location will do.

Do you share money?

Because honestly just decide together and don't surprise each other. And annual 'taste of other people' exam with lots of money attached to it sounds very stressful and why would you when you are so utterly prescriptive that you might as well book it yourself. It's a city on your list but not so on your list that it's a 30th? That's a level of specificity no one can match.

My mum's a but like you. Wants surprises but doesn't really like them. Because they aren't exactly what she wants.

I must admit I thought it would be a somewhat older milestone when I saw the holiday was a cruise.
As you would lose your deposit I don't see what else you can do.
Just make sure there are no surprises in future!

You get luxury, a city you want to visit plus a bonus city, pools, sunshine, and shows.

Cruising would never be my first choice of holiday but neither would be lounging by a pool. It sounds like he has thought very hard about delivering many elements of holidays you will enjoy in one package. I would be very grateful for that.

It sounds like you are quite set in your ways and don't welcome new ideas or experiences. If that's the case you might need to abandon the concept of surprise presents and be more explicit about what you want.

OK it's not quite what you wanted but you will be able to experience being on a cruise ship and going to one of the destinations on your list.

It'll be a great experience to know whether you like cruising for future bookings and as upset as you feel now you will still have a lovely time.

Maybe if your in the position you can go on a winter holiday later in the year.

In my circle 30 is a milestone birthday. It’s the same for a lot of other people. Anyway, we agreed to surprise each other for our 30th birthdays. Personally I hate surprises but I’ve said in passing that I can’t wait to get back to the beach and how I love when the hot air hits you when you step off the plane. We briefly discussed it last year for his birthday and I said I’d like an adults only hotel. I didn’t think I needed to be clearer as he knows what I like. I enjoy a city break but it’s not what I wanted for my birthday. The cities we’re going to are very easy to get to and we could go anytime. The place we went to last year requires more time and planning. I understand I should have been clearer and will definitely do so in future if he wants to surprise me again. I disagree that I’m spoilt as I’ve said several times I’m grateful but I’m also allowed to be disappointed when it’s so far removed from what I was expecting/ what we’ve talked about. One city is on my list but it’s always been discussed in passing, I’ve never placed a great deal of importance on it as we can literally go whenever. He’s let me guess a couple of times before the surprise was revealed and I’ve guessed beachy places and asked if there was a beach. I also asked if I could have a window seat on the plane. Surely this was enough for him to realise what I wanted? Anyway I’m probably not going to say anything as I don’t want to upset him.

So you agreed to a surprise, and he's put thought into giving you one, but that's wrong?

If you wanted a fortnight in Lanzarote/Benidorm/wherever then you should have told him that.

I agree. It always amazes me how many "princesses" there are in the world, no doubt brought up to believe the world revolves around them.

I daresay you'll grow up one day - obviously not in time for your 30th however. Strange how the majority of posters on this thread seem to feel the same way about your attitude, but of course they are all wrong.

I feel very sorry for your poor DH, he's going to have to spend the rest of his life trying to measure up to your high expectations!