Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

Thank you to those who have been kind. I’m shocked at those saying 30 isn’t a milestone. It’s always been a milestone to me. Just look at how it’s portrayed in popular culture. The reason I let him plan it is because he wanted to repay me planning his 30th. We Agreed to surprise each other. The cost is about the same that we would spend on a regular holiday so maybe we can transfer it to a different destination. I’m going to start by asking him today why he chose it just so I can understand a bit better. I’m not neurotypical and I struggle with change so I’ve had an idea of what we’d be doing in my head for almost a year and I’m a bit taken aback at him booking something so different to what I’d usually pick.

I agree with you, 30 is a milestone. All the birthdays ending in 0 are except for 20.

But seriously, you are going t bring this up, after all the responses you have had. You agreed to a surprise, you have been surprised. You should have said, I do not want a surprise, I want you to book this. Just open your mind, thank him and go. You really are coming across very badly, I cannot imagine insulting and hurting my husband like this if he made such an effort.

So you've gone from being really grateful even though you're clearly not and not saying anything, to now dropping passive-aggressive questions about why he booked it.

No offence, OP, but you do sound like hard work! You can do a beach holiday anytime.

Because they’re considered milestones 🥲 it’s even in the heading of the photo

I think it’s a really good idea to talk to him about what he’s planning and research it yourself too.

Also, you’ve built this all up in your head and the idea has not fulfilled your expectations. However, it could be amazing!

I just saw your update on the locations, both are lovely! You will enjoy it. I also prefer beaches but really did enjoy both places for a city break. Very pretty and great food. Also the thing with surprises is that it might not be what you want exactly. So if you ask someone to surprise you then you have to accept that their idea of fun and yours might not be the same. I think choosing a cruise if it isn’t something you have done before makes his surprise special and a different experience to mark your 30th. Don’t be so ungrateful and decide you hate it even before trying. I think if you say something it would really hurt your partner and he might not feel like doing something in future.

So you’ve spoke about wanting to go on a cruise and a specific city you want to visit and he’s booked you a holiday which includes both? And you are disappointed? I think a lot of people would kill for a gift like that!

The “milestone birthday” question is irrelevant. If this trip is a reasonable expense for a 30th within the context of your relationship, that’s all that matters on that front.

The big lesson you need to take away is that surprising each other and having a fixed idea in your head of what you’ll be doing are two completely incompatible things. You’ve set this up for failure because (by the basic nature of a surprise) he’s trying to do something you wont expect and you’ve got your heart set on the specific thing in your mind. If that’s in your nature then there’s nothing wrong with it.

Take a few days to let the trip idea marinate. Look at the cruise amenities (like the pool, spa, food). Look at options in the cities, be that a beach trip to Zandvoort or museums or whatever. Give yourself a chance to build a new vision. Then if you genuinely still hate the idea, own up to the fact that you really didn’t want a surprise and should have spoken up then ask if you can explore other itineraries.

Either way, learn the lesson moving forward: No. More. Surprises.

I realise this comes across as a first world problem

It doesn't just come across as one - it is one.

Get a grip

Thinking 30 is a big birthday, which it is for some, and celebration is fine - if that's your thing. I'm not sure how common it is for the celebration to be a cruise though.

😂😂😂😂😂

@43ontherocksporfavor Veruca Salt ! 😂

The best birthday gifts I ever got from my ex - I'd told him in advance. Men aren't mind readers hun

MN is the not the place to post this OP.

Plenty on here don’t believe adults should even celebrate birthdays! Or they think you should bow down with gratitude because they didn’t even get a takeaway from their useless husband.

Of course a 30th is a big birthday. I had a great party in a bar in soho and loved it. I have had a great 40th and 50th too; I like milestone parties with lots of friends and family so I got to do what I wanted.

I would hate a cruise and associate it with all-inclusives, food poisoning, older people and a lack of time exploring local places! My husband however knows this and would not plan one.

But I do think your husband put some thought into it. And did try to get it right. So he was not as unthinking as some husbands we read about here.

They are not beach destinations and as you say, more city breaks. But change your mindset and now accept this is a very different kind of holiday and keep an open mind. It may be fun.

Start thinking about next year’s big summer holiday to make up for it.

You are allowed to feel disappointment that he didn’t design your dream holiday. But I think unlike many men we read about, he did try to get it right. So try and move on and think how you can relax on the boat.

Christ Almighty - just be grateful, and go and make the most of it & enjoy it. You would hurt his feelings no end if you said anything - he's obviously taken great pleasure in arranging something 'nice' for you; you should appreciate his efforts and go and enjoy tge experience, even if it's not exactly what you were hoping for. He's been kind, you're being ungrateful & bratty.

Bloody hell. OP, just get on with it.

He's done a nice thing, beach holidays are 10-a-penny and no doubt you'll go on many of them to lay on a beach in the sun which will feel like laying on any other beach in the sun. Maybe he wanted to introduce a little bit more sophistication into the mix, now that you're not in your 20s anymore. Going to water parks when you're 30 sounds very immature tbh.

Sorry if I'm reading incorrectly but yous have discussed wanting to go on a cruise in the past ✅
Wanting adults only=adults only cruise ✅
One of the cities is on the list you want to see ✅

I'm sorry but it does sound like he 'knows you' he's just not a mind reader.

Tbh I thought it was going to be your 40th, 50th or 60th.
As someone who is 5 years older than you 30th's aren't that big of a deal. It's my sis in laws next week and we're going out for a family meal 😊
So to me it sounds like your husband has gone through a lot of effort!
You might find you love this type of holiday as well!
From now on....plan trips together!

You’re getting on like a child

I know lots of people who say a cruise would be a hell holiday for them but often they have never been on one.

I did my first a couple of years ago thinking I would hate them but will be going on my fifth this year.

It's an 'easy' holiday. Getting on them is so less stressful than airports and I used to do first class flights which took a lot of that away.

Food is what you want when you want it.

Up for lots of people and noise then you will find that. Want to chill and have quiet time away from a lot of people then you will also find that.

Getting off and on at the ports is easy and you can do your own thing or take an organised tour.

I find cruises cater for lots of different tastes and people and you just need to make sure to look around at what's on offer, check out the boat to find your type of space/food etc.

You sound upset because it's different to what you have ever done. I would embrace this as something new and different to explore. Change your mindset and you may find you really enjoy it. If not then it's still an adventure.

I wouldn’t mention it (how ungrateful!) and would go on the holiday, I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised. He has put some thought into it by the sound of it. Booking your usual beach holiday wouldn’t have been as special, he’s booked something different. Everyone I know who goes on a cruise for the first time comes back raving about them! It doesn’t sound like you have kids, so you’ll have plenty of time for a beach holiday at another time. It really is just another birthday, it’s honestly not that big a deal!

Many people go on holidays to mark big birthdays so it’s not unusual. People think of cruises for the elderly but there’s plenty of young people and families too

I can’t help wondering if you know him as well as you think, OP. It crosses my mind that you booked him a trip that had all the things you love (based on your assumption he loves them too) and that he’s done the same, assuming you’d love it. Maybe he’s always really fancied a cruise. I’ve never been on one, but I understand the cruising itself is a big part of it and not just the destination.

Personally, I’d go and give it a try. You never know, you might love it. Sometimes the events I thought I wouldn’t like turn out to be the ones I love the most.

To be fair.... you don't actually know if that's what he wanted for his birthday though. He may have wanted a cruise and been secretly disappointed you didn't do something new and maybe more romantic/ less sporty for him. He may have kept quiet out of politeness.

Probs not, you know him but you see my point?

"I’m not neurotypical and I struggle with change so I’ve had an idea of what we’d be doing in my head for almost a year and I’m a bit taken aback at him booking something so different to what I’d usually pick."

So you wanted him to surprise you by booking you the exact holiday you'd been dreaming of for almost a year...

That's not how surprises work.

A number of people on this thread have told you about their great experiences cruising. It's not an objectively bad choice.

Maybe your 30th birthday gift to yourself is to surrender and do something new and unexpected?

Really struggling to see how you can go to a city any time but a beach holiday take more planning
Or the obsession with a plane.