Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

Did you also tell your husband he was treating you with contempt for planning such a trip? 🤣

@Holidaybluees

Haha, I am in a similar situation - DH has got tickets to an event (miles away from home) that I'd said might be good to go to - except he's booked them for my milestone birthday.
Now I DO want to go, but I just feel a bit 🫤 at being 'dictated' to on how to spend my birthday.

The event isn't just on my birthday, there are lots of other dates available but of course he's gone to the trouble of booking them & maybe I should suck it up?? I don't want to though, I admit. 🤨

Weird little comment.

Stupid response. I hope you never complain about anything ever. Because you know, Gaza.

This thread is helping me understand why DH and I are still happily married after 27 years. It's not because we are superior in any way, but we do really appreciate each other. Ungratefulness for another person's sincere effort is a really bad sign if you want that person to stick around long term.

@2024please if it’s not what you want to do then tell him. Life is too short to spend it doing things you don’t want to when it’s easy to book an alternative

My husband and I are also married well over 20 years & we go with the 'honesty is the best policy' approach @JamesonJameson

Good Lord this isn’t suck it up while you look after 5 small kids, work full time, and your DH goes out on the piss every night and expects his dinner freshly cooked when he gets home.

This is suck it up your boyfriend has bought you a £2,000 , 5 star , all inclusive, cruise 😂😂😂.

(Also Bruges is a gorgeous little city).

Oh it's easy is it! Have iglu confirmed they'll reimburse?

It's easy if someone else is doing the work!

What, the assumption that your husband might be very upset?

🤣 can you hear yourself?

Exactly.

OP well done for discussing it. That’s how we would address it too. Discuss the issue kindly and openly and reach a resolution. Thirty years of marriage and no regrets/resentments and both our needs are met.

I am embarrassed for people like you posting this crap.

Quite! 😂

I think that everyone who is now patting OP on the back about “just being open” with her DP has slightly forgotten the clear implication that she gave that she was disappointed in him for not understanding her well enough to have booked what she wanted, as well as all the comments about “like for like” and unequal effort.

She never presented this as “I can see why he went down the route he did but unfortunately it just isn’t the right choice”. It was all laced with fairly clear disdain for him not meeting her required standards and seeming to be a bit of an idiot for thinking that anyone would ever want to visit these places in this way (despite Virgin presumably being confident they can fill an entire ship full of such people…). And that is what has rankled with a lot of people.

Not sure if we are agree or you are suggesting my husband and I lie to each other?

I think the issue in their marriage is communication. If the OP has very high standards for her BD and had any risk of being unsatisfied and unhappy she should've come clean and explained EXACTLY what she wanted. It sounds like she was making vague hints about many different places.

This is a gift and a special event he has planned because he loves his wife. It's not "dishonest" to appreciate the gift you have been given and the thought put into it. Hopefully there are going to be many, many opportunities for celebrating each other.

She was setting her DH up to fail if she expected him to know by osmosis.

It sounds like her Love Language is gifts and so somehow she doesn't feel his gift showed that he loved her. In that case she must be very specific and decide that the "surprise" element should be much smaller things and not the location and accommodation.

Some posters seem to think being a feminist means everything needs to revolve around them, and that accepting anything that doesn't perfectly suit you means you are behaving like some downtrodden 1950s housewife. Rather than, you know, being an adult and understanding that long term relationships involve compromise and treating each other with kindness.

Well done for speaking up, OP!

Society and MN loves telling women to shut up and put up and to prioritise the menz.

As you’ve found out, speaking up is SO much better for you!

Is this satire?

A week on the beach isn’t necessarily high standards.

This implication that women are ‘high maintenance’ if they state their needs is really damaging.

He knew she wanted a beach holiday and he booked a cruise from Portsmouth that wouldn’t even be warm.

We he knew she wanted a beach holiday but booked a cruise from Portsmouth to Bruges! So no, he didn’t even attempt to try and do what she asked for.

And yet he was very happy with the holiday OP booked for him, because she actually listened to what he wanted.

No she dropped hints about sand between toes.

she admitted talking about wanting a cruise and wanting to go to Amsterdam.

she said he put a lot of thought into it.

but it still wasn’t good enough!

We he knew she wanted a beach holiday but booked a cruise from Portsmouth to Bruges! So no, he didn’t even attempt to try and do what she asked for. No, she told him she wanted a surprise holiday and had said in the past that she was interested in taking a cruise and that she wanted to visit Amsterdam.

And yet he was very happy with the holiday OP booked for him, because she actually listened to what he wanted. No, you're assuming this because he didn't say he wasn't happy, but most people wouldn't say that because most people manage very basic levels of thoughtfulness by the time they are nearly 30.

Jeeez the bitterness oozing from this thread is unreal. Glad you spoke to him @Holidaybluees fingers crossed you can get it changed

@bombardelli people who are high maintenance never think they are high maintenance.