Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

@ManateeFair that's certainly an interesting view point.

That's absolutely not true. She's getting a hard time for expecting the OH to be a mind reader. I don't think most people GAF what type of holidays other people like/don't like. But her DH did nothing wrong and her 'hints' and ensuing irritation that he didn't pick up on them seem pretty juvenile tbh. If something is that important to you, you make it crystal clear. You don't faff about with hints imo.

I would be intrigued to know what people who don't think 30 is a big birthday DO consider to be a milestone birthday. I assumed perhaps the logic would be after you're an adult (so after 18) there aren't any, but one poster has said obviously 40 IS a milestone but 30 isn't, which I don't get at all! I have a fleeting suspicion that if polled there would be a large correlation between '30 not a milestone' and 'anything other than a night down the local pub is OTT for a hen party' posters.

Also find the assumption all beach holidays are boring and city breaks are culturally and intellectually superior odd. OP mentioned she liked jet-skiing etc - I think the average person would consider adventure watersports to be more exciting that wandering around an old cathedral (from the POV of someone who enjoys both).
One person's beach holiday could involve reading classic literature and then going to the old town for authentic tapas, practicing their spanish with the locals etc. While someone else's 'city break' could consist of getting stoned and going to the red light district in Amsterdam.

I also think it's odd people are comparing OP's DH to their/other random DPs as if it's a race to the bottom, and anything other than a 50p card from tesco bought last minute is an amazing effort for A MAN to go to. It's completely irrelevant what your (shit) DH's do - the only comparison is what OP does/did for her DH. He would be a good DH if he matched that, a bad one if he didn't go to similar effort. Comparing him to Bob down the road is pointless.

Christ almighty.

I spent my 30th, three years ago, in a local pub with a few relatives and a glass of Prosecco. I'd spent the morning trying to explain to my mum how to sign her own name in my birthday card that I had to go out and buy, because she'd forgotten how to do it and didn't realise it was my birthday.

I'm enormously grateful now as I've since lost one relative in that room and on the way to losing another.

I'd be bloody grateful for what you have got.

Yep. 30 a milestone here.

Yep, men doing anything at all is to be lauded. (MN only)

OP, glad you were honest and solved the future surprise holidays. Tbh it is a tricky thing to get right and expensive to get wrong, so best to plan together!!

Absolutely @easylikeasundaymorn

You’re being ungrateful.

I have am amazing husband who spends huge amounts of time and effort on gifts. Pmsl at the assumption that anyone who thinks the OP is being a brat has a shit marriage. I’d hazard a guess that perhaps the opposite is true.

Every extra year is a blessed gift and sorely envied by the dead.

How does that work then ?

Bruges is beautiful. But there’s not a huge amount to do, is there? I’ve been many times but it’s a very quiet place.

Wow that poor man. Couldn't you have smiled graciously, enjoyed your time with a man who clearly loves you and just not done another cruise if you don't enjoy it?

I'm older and have noticed that when women behave like this with men and are ungrateful when they try to be kind, the men give up and lose interest. I certainly would in their shoes too.

I think 18 and 21 are milestone birthdays because you acquire legal rights that you didn't have before then, particularly at 18.

60 used to be a common age to retire so for many that was a milestone birthday.

80, 90 and 100 birthdays are definitely occasions to celebrate.

Other birthdays with a 0 probably feel a little bit more significant than 'normal' birthdays and people like to mark them, but calling them 'milestone birthdays' is a bit OTT.

I agree. It's not like it's the only holiday the OP is going to get for years and years. It's an extra holiday because it's her birthday. Her partner thought she would enjoy it and for all she knows she might. But instead she chose to hurt his feelings, all for the sake of yet another beach holiday. I think she has her priorities all wrong.

My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough

I just don't get this at all. I have NO idea how you think saying you're ok to go away later in the year (presumably to save costs) translates to "I'd like a beach holiday like I got you". I'm baffled !!

You're going to have to learn to SAY what you want, not rely on him being bloody psychic!!

Off to read the thread now and fully expecting a massive back pedal on the info provided.

I think telling him it's not your ideal choice and agreeing to check other options or accept this holiday work good spirits is the most honest outcome.

Trying to pretend it's all lovely for 5 days when the op says she is neuro divergent isn't very practical.

I'd have told my partner too. Abs made the best of it once we'd been honest. Found sone fab bars in Amsterdam for one trip and see what is available that appeals near bruge (or zeebrugge as that's where boat stops)
And get excited about the virgin boat which is lovely. No need to leave ship in Bruges at all.

I agree with this ^^

@Holidaybluees never ASS/U/ME because you make an ass out of u (you) and me.

If you get your beach holiday later in the year, when it's your actual birthday make sure you plan your own day, you wouldn't want to end up teary or needing to have another chat with your DH again,.

He obviously planned to be away for your actual birthday..... not some random time in the future.

what legal rights do you acquire at 21?

I'm assuming OP used milestone to denote exactly as you've said 'birthdays that feel a bit more significant,' so it feels pedantic that people are squabbling about the exact wording when its very obvious what she meant.

I agree 80, 90, and 100 could be milestones because fewer people reach them, but otherwise can't see the argument that 40, 50, or 60 would be any more important than 30! So either its accepted that all '0' ending birthdays are usually considered to be a bit more significant, or none of them are!

I agree. I think you put it very well and clearly.
Perhaps I am resigned to the idea (perhaps wrongly) that these things will arise.

'Teary', 'airport excitement', 'blast of hot air', 'sand beneath feet' 'waterparks'. Prioritising your 'wants and needs' like you're a pioneering feminist icon.

It's been a while since I've read such immature guff. Glad you've agreed to no more surprises though OP. Shame you didn't think of that before agreeing to expensive birthday trips for each other, given you know you don't like change.

what legal rights do you acquire at 21?

@easylikeasundaymorn Until 1969 you legally became an adult at 21, not 18.

21 used to be the age in the UK when one could buy alcohol, get married (without parental consent) vote, enter contracts etc. The age of majority in the UK was revised down to 18 by the Family Law Reform Act of 1969.

God, people on here are weird.

Any birthday where you enter a new decade is recognised by most normal people as worthy of at least marking, if not some sort of celebration.

Of course 30 is a significant birthday, as is 40, 50 onwards.

MN is the anti-social, hermit ‘paradise’ where any sort of celebration or social event has most people coming out in hives. But in the real world, celebrating a 30th is perfectly normal and expected.

Stop fixating on the word ‘milestone’, if it’s sending you into such a tailspin. Birthdays with zeros in them are usually marked.

My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

This suggests the time of year / season isn’t important to you.

I.e., the holiday doesn’t have to be in summer.

I would never get ‘the holiday MUST be in summer’ from this hint. Quite the opposite.

Luckily you’ve agreed no more surprises, given the quality of the clue dropping!

I posted as I wanted to see if I would be unreasonable to tell him I don’t fancy the cruise. It’s a yes or no answer. What you think of me is irrelevant. I told him I feel like an awful bitch and he told me off for referring to myself as such so I’m not worried about him leaving me. It was a hard conversation to have and I hold my hands up that I should have been clearer. I’m sad about the way things unfolded but I’m happy with the outcome. Waiting to hear if we can get the money back but I’m glad we have a plan in place if we can’t. I don’t have to grin through something I know I don’t want just because some on here are married to men who treat them with contempt. That just means I’m resigned to a life of missed marks and I’m not doing that. We’re good over here thanks