Childcare when both high earners

[Beedleneedle]

My partner today gave me shit because I haven’t got our son vaccinated against chicken pox. I suggested that it’s not impossible for him to take the day off and organise it either to which he replied he didn’t know how or where?
Neither did I until I researched it!
turns out im “better at that sort of thing”
I suggested ok, fuck it, I’ll quit my £170k a year job and then happy to cover all childcare requirements. AIBU to suggest all childcare should be 50/50 if earnings are the same?

so if two people work same hours but one person earns more… the fact that one person earns more they should take on less childcare?

I don’t why the OP is being attacked here. She hasn’t said she would actually leave her job to make a point or that lower earners can just do everything because their job is unimportant.
Higher paid jobs have some correlation with more stress and responsibility and may need to be prioritised in a family where both parents working ft proves difficult.
She is evidently spotting an interesting sign of how a woman in a couple might slide into that default parent role if things like this aren’t challenged. It’s worth an argument!

All things medical, dental appointments, organising holiday care etc men will claim they aren’t good at and don’t think to book etc. They consider it the woman’s job.

Salary does matter.

What i find tends to happen with one higher earner and one much lower, is that higher earner would rather take the (smaller) financial hit of lower earner reducing hours, than step up and put in 50% of the work. So it depends if lower earner is happy if that's the outcome.

Dh and i are two high earners. Whenever he sacks off and im doing too much of the load, i simply suggest I'll drop a day or two at work to make time for doing a bigger share of chores at home, and the family budget will lose 30-60k. DH will do his share if it means me bringing in that, i don't think he would if i earned a lot less and the loss in income from my working less was lower.

most very high earning jobs have a lot more flexibility during the day than much lower earners

@User5512 difficult colleagues I generally just stop working with.
My initial issue here, was with all being equal (salary, hours, wfh) was just simply a rant about being expected to do the traditional women’s work, take the time off for appointments by default etc

Yep. Agreed.

my DH has learned to get good but it took a few conversations.

i am fascinated by this £170k role a year that involves

no delegation
no management
no negotiation

She is evidently spotting an interesting sign of how a woman in a couple might slide into that default parent role if things like this aren’t challenged. It’s worth an argument!

Yes, but instead of wanting to share things equally, she thinks she should do less because she earns more. That’s as wrong as her husband trying to get out of things child related by saying OP is better at them.

Both OP and her husband have weird thoughts on this issue.

That's where you point out -- well in my SILs and my case - who has the more flexible hours/employer and who has more knowledge on a particular issue.

For example there is no point getting my SILs to do the kids eye appointments as my brothers know more about it due to them being the glasses wearers.

No. It doesn't make sense. The lower earner still has obligations and commitments. You know that by saying this you are buying into the premise that women's jobs are less important than men's since they generally earn less. As others have repeatedly said, it's down to hours, not pay. Often high earners have more flexibility, not less.

Plumberdrain

There are loads. Im guessing op is a technical expert of some kind and basically paid a lot for being really fucking clever/fast to learn/produces a lot of high quality output.

For example there is no point getting my SILs to do the kids eye appointments as my brothers know more about it due to them being the glasses wearers.

😂

Don't know anyone where the roles are 50/50 post children. Does tend to be the mum particularly around health care and school !

@backinthebox ”f Parent A earns 100k for their 30 hr a week job and Parent B earns 60k for their 45 hr a week job” …..ok but you’re not comparing like with like.
parent a and parent b both earn the same, work same hours, have same flexibility.

So, OP are you saying that if one partner earns less on the same hours, they should do more around the house?

All I’m interested in is what role at 170k doesn’t require people skills delegation or management?..

For example there is no point getting my SILs to do the kids eye appointments as my brothers know more about it due to them being the glasses wearers

🤣 Thats ridiculous, you don’t need to wear glasses to be able to do eye appointments. I’ve never wore glasses and still managed to take my kids to the optician. The optician is the expert. I listen and do as they advise. That’s what parents do.

For example there is no point getting my SILs to do the kids eye appointments as my brothers know more about it due to them being the glasses wearers.

What on earth? Non-glasses wearers take their kids to the opticians all the time, I wear glasses I know nothing about how to conduct an eye test. What if your brother wasn’t able to take the kids, would your SIL claim her lack of glasses meant she couldn’t take them?

Also unless you got together later in life, who is the higher earner is rarely a matter of pure ability. For example, my DP makes approx 10k p/a pro rata more than me. But he is able to do so because I financially carried him for 6 years so he could do his PHD. And the obvious deficits that perceived fertility, actual pregnancy and maternity make in ones earning capacity. If people are going to talk about working as a team, they need to take the long view.

Likewise! Because it sounds like bliss and I'd do it for a mere £100k pa 😂

Be strong OP and just don't do it. Whatever the thing is don't do it. I like to just text or raise the 'thing' and leave it there i.e. child needs XYZ

I really don't doubt that you (and most women) are much better at doing the extra things, much better at juggling it all and working it out and googling things we've never heard of and getting them done - but if you are blessed with a half competent partner they can and should do their share

For years I made a point of never saying thank you when my partner had cleaned the bathroom, tidied the whatever etc etc - and now we both tend to say thank you to each other because he gets it (as do I)

I've voted YABU as it has nothing to do with earning capacity or even hours worked. Your "d"h has mentally allocated this task to you so he hasn't got to do it. In his view it's "your" job. He btw is also BU.
You are both jointly parents and BOTH jointly responsible and capable.

parent a and parent b both earn the same, work same hours, have same flexibility.

You’ve just spent 4 pages going on about higher/lower earners - at one point it was one earning 4x the other. If all things work wise are equal, the work at home gets split 50:50, but honestly I’d just get the child vaccinated.

parent a and parent b both earn the same, work same hours, have same flexibility.

Then you share these things. So one of you sorts the vaccination and the others sorts the next thing. It’s not an exact science, obviously there will be times when it’s more convenient for one person to have a day off, but on the whole, you both need to do an equal amount.