More of a WWYD? Wedding abroad…

[Jessforless]

A friend of ours is getting married abroad and the cost of going, accommodation, a hen and stag day day trip cost which was A LOT in July.

We said we couldn’t go. We are trying so hard at the moment to save money for various reasons and this wasn’t in our plans. I’m talking package 7k plus for this.

The response to our decline wasn’t great, and they actually cancelled a few planned things with us last summer after we declined.

We felt awful and our children are such good friends, my DH found separately amazing flight deals, hotel, etc, so we decided, let’s just do it. The friendship means a lot.

We are basically 5k in to this trip, because of going for cheaper tickets etc for everything - all non refundable. Of course because we’re idiots.

you can probably see what’s coming?

They’ve cancelled the wedding today. They’re going to get married in the UK because one set of parents can’t go. We’re not the only people affected but a lot of people booked the package which you can get back as a voucher / move to a different holiday. We stupidly tried to save money and have booked flights through Skyscanner, accommodation through booking.com and a ticket to something local via get your guide. None of it is refundable.

Im so upset. Probably this thread is for nothing - because what can we do?! We’re going to have to just go to this place we would never have chosen to go to for a holiday and suck it up. Just feels so frustrating and unfair in a year where we really could have done without it.

So, probably tumbleweed… but what would you do? Please be gentle as I’m gutted about the money. Honestly, this was such a financial stretch for us this year but following their reaction we didn’t see what else we could no but try and get there as cheaply as possible.

Bali is great and cheap, so I'd say you've spent the bulk of your money anyway. You'll have an amazing time

Interested to know how this couple cancelled and are behaving now? Did they seem very remorseful when they cancelled? Are they falling over themselves apologising? Are they racked with guilt? Have they offered to help explore if you can get any money back by cancelling?

£5k isn’t 4 times £19184? misses point of thread

OP, you’ve had some good advice here already but I’d just add I’d use this is a learning experience to not be such a people pleaser in future. Hope you manage to sort a solution!

What shit friends OP. Firstly, I’d contact booking.com and see if anything can be done. Then the flights. Exhaust cancellations, changes to other destinations first. If nothing can be done go. Go and enjoy the time as a family.

I am afraid I would also have to tell your friends what they’ve done, what they’ve cost you etc.

I reckon the poster who said that they realised most people couldnt go is bang on the money and they are using family care as cover.

Are they going to keep the same wedding date?

Oh God this is awful. If it was me (the bride) I’d go ahead as people were committed financially and have a registry office wedding with parents present and then still go ahead with Bali. No way I’d be saying sorry we aren’t coming now and you lot are still going. They could even treat it as a honeymoon with their friends, given they were so keen for you to be there. Are they even sorry? I’d be absolutely mortified if I knew someone was now going to Bali for 5k and no wedding. Unfortunately you’ll find no refund for flights, not sure about accommodation but I never book those non refundable accommodation options as life often throws curve balls. I feel for you as this is horrible. Your so called friends are unreasonable putting pressure on people to spend that kind of money on their wedding, they should have expected many people to say no at that cost. To then cancel. Well it’s disgusting and horrible way to treat friends. I’d be stepping away a bit from the friendship personally

Wow, how completely selfish of them. That's a properly shitty thing to do and I would no longer be friends with them.

If I were you I would go on the holiday and just try to make the best of it if there's no way you can change your ticket. You won't get anything back from your credit card unfortunately.

Sorry but it's not something you can claim for under travel insurance either.

Go. Have a fantastic time. Gush to them about how amazing Bali was and tell them you are gutted for them that they had to cancel.

If your kids are schoolfriends, it's not going to be great for their kids that your kids had a fantastic holiday and they didn't.

Amazed the trip is only £5k though. Is the £5k just flights? Bali is long haul for UK.

I think there are better places in Asia but Bali is okay for a holiday. There’s definitely an opportunity for a great holiday.

Oh god OP I wonder if it is better that they DID cancel. Sooo many tourists get food poisoning in Bali as it is, can you imagine if the whole wedding went down with E. Coli?

It you do no make sure you read up on food safety out there!

Such an unreasonable choice of wedding destination though - I am a Scrooge about all destination weddings as I think they are an unreasonable ask unless there is a specific tie to that country eg. Lots of other family there but long hall is completely taking the piss.

Because I’m petty I’d RSVP to the UK wedding then just not show up.

I hope you don't get frustrated at the questions here...

Are the flights a big chunk? I.e sometimes you get really cheap flights but the accommodation is the killer ? If so booking.com are likely to refund . Or going on that notion where is the destination can you use it as a port elsewhere ??

They were upset with you? These people aren't your friends.

They're absolute dicks.

Your friend isn't a real friend. She made you feel bad when you said you couldn't go, because you couldn't afford it. What kind of friend does that? Honestly you were daft to spend money ear marked for the house. You'll have to make the best situation out of it. Explain to friend that you didn't book the package, but booked it directly and you can't get a refund. So she's aware her decision to cancel, has had an effect on you. I'd research bali and the area you're visiting and make it a great holiday. However I wouldn't go to her uk wedding now. She isn't your friend. Her child is your child's friend.

Absolutely Bee like hell would I go to their wedding I wouldn’t be able to hide my resentment.

i know you said they’re very close friends, but these people sound so incredibly selfish and entitled I don’t think I could keep this friendship, or at least it would take an awful lot to salvage it after this. If you plan an overseas wedding, especially one costing as much as £7k, you don’t get annoyed when people can’t attend, and you sure as hell make sure that you’re definitely 100% having the wedding there! I thought you were going to say they split up, but they’ve just moved the wedding to a UK one, after people have spent ridiculous amounts booking to go to Bali for THEM! I don’t even have the words.

That aside, Bali is beautiful and there really is something for everyone. It’s a top holiday destination for Aussies and Kiwi’s so they do have very built up areas with water parks, theme parks, family restaurants etc. There are also loads of opportunities to get off the beaten track and explore some less touristy spots with incredible nature, culture, and hidden gems. I know it’s hard, but make the most of this and start planning a truly wonderful trip. No wedding to attend means more days for exploring or relaxing on a beautiful beach.

I’d highly suggest scuba diving if possible for you guys - not sure on your kids ages - or at least snorkelling. Do a day trip (or overnight if you’ve not already booked all your accommodation) to Nusa Penida - also a great spot for the snorkelling/diving, but beautiful in general. Go see some rice fields.

Have a wonderful family trip to this beautiful place without your selfish dickhead friends.

I don’t want to lose the friendship but the whole situation has been so stressful

They seem a lot less bothered about losing yours though.

I do think that in life you find out who your friends are. Surface fun stuff like holidays and Christmas are not the measure of a friendship - but how people behave when the chips are down.

If God forbid anything happened to a family member and you were doing long nights in a hospital - this couple would not be there - they are all about themselves.

You and DH sound like nice people and selfish, self-centred people like to be around nice ones as they feel they will get something out of it. I can’t see what’s in it for you.

Your friend isn't a real friend. She made you feel bad when you said you couldn't go, because you couldn't afford it. What kind of friend does that? Honestly you were daft to spend money ear marked for the house.

This. OP seems desperate to keep this couple as friends, and I don’t really understand why. Unless they’re in a rural area and don’t have many other couples they gel with.

Genius!

Oh my god I'd be absolutely raging OP! I have spent thousands to attend weddings in the past (generally friends that live around the world rather than people just sticking a pin in a map to get married somewhere pretty) but I've also always been willing and able to spend the money, and they've always been accepting of people who decline.

There is not a chance in hell I'd be going to their UK wedding. No way, no how.

On the upside, we went to Bali last year and had a great time (completely devoid of drunk Australians due to careful planning) so if you can't amend the bookings then make the best of it and go anyway

Your friends must have pissed off a lot of people.

You probably can't get a refund but you might be abke to transfer either just accommodation or both flights and accommodation to something more to your taste?

Don't bother with the "friends" again - they aren't your friends, you were a prop to their lives which could be discarded if not convenient.

Have you told your 'friends' how much money you've spent and that it's non-refundable?

If they sent you links and recommended non-refundable bookings, they should be feeling pretty guilty right now and you never know, might offer to pay something towards it.

You must be livid.