More of a WWYD? Wedding abroad…

[Jessforless]

A friend of ours is getting married abroad and the cost of going, accommodation, a hen and stag day day trip cost which was A LOT in July.

We said we couldn’t go. We are trying so hard at the moment to save money for various reasons and this wasn’t in our plans. I’m talking package 7k plus for this.

The response to our decline wasn’t great, and they actually cancelled a few planned things with us last summer after we declined.

We felt awful and our children are such good friends, my DH found separately amazing flight deals, hotel, etc, so we decided, let’s just do it. The friendship means a lot.

We are basically 5k in to this trip, because of going for cheaper tickets etc for everything - all non refundable. Of course because we’re idiots.

you can probably see what’s coming?

They’ve cancelled the wedding today. They’re going to get married in the UK because one set of parents can’t go. We’re not the only people affected but a lot of people booked the package which you can get back as a voucher / move to a different holiday. We stupidly tried to save money and have booked flights through Skyscanner, accommodation through booking.com and a ticket to something local via get your guide. None of it is refundable.

Im so upset. Probably this thread is for nothing - because what can we do?! We’re going to have to just go to this place we would never have chosen to go to for a holiday and suck it up. Just feels so frustrating and unfair in a year where we really could have done without it.

So, probably tumbleweed… but what would you do? Please be gentle as I’m gutted about the money. Honestly, this was such a financial stretch for us this year but following their reaction we didn’t see what else we could no but try and get there as cheaply as possible.

Find out if you can get your money back. If not, go.

We had the best time on two different trips we had to reshuffle & switch locations because of major issues (one a huge earthquake & one a travel agent f up). We were originally devastated and upset, but focused on what we could make it. Years on the money is forgotten but the different experiences & memories stay with us. I often say I'm glad it happened as we had a blast.

As for your friends. I've had friends like these - a lot. The kind that are great while everything is going their way. Upset that you'll get manipulated until you capitulate or get dropped. How anything affects your life is irrelevant to them. So stop doing it.

If they choose to do this, firstly they should take out decent travel insurance covering pre-existing conditions.

They currently have a basic travel policy linked to a bank account.

In fact, going so long haul I would be minded to obtain more comprehensive cover in any case.

Oh OP I feel so bad for you! Your friends have treated you so shamefully.

I would do all the above suggested in terms of seeing if you can get credit for the flights etc. If you can't cancel or credit the flights, can you at least move hotel booking to a cheaper hotel and so on.

Then I would go. Your expectations will be at rock bottom so you will probably have an amazing time.

My prediction is that rather than facing up to the pain they've caused you, they'll drop you, because you will be a living reminder of how shittily they've behaved. But if you are invited to their UK wedding, don't go unless it is where you live. Don't travel for it, don't buy special outfits, don't give a present.

Then (unless a colossal apology and perhaps some financial recompense is forthcoming), phase them out of your lives.

😱😱😱😱😱

Do you have travel insurance? It's worth a call at any rate to say you'd booked for a wedding that has now been cancelled, is this covered?

However for what it's worth South Africa was on my bucket list, we went, we loved it, very beautiful, saw elephants, penguins, lions etc, even got stuck in a traffic jam because monkeys were lying in the road but there were definately times we felt quite unsafe (and these weren't areas we'd been warned not to go to, and hotel and restaurant staff are very eager to make sure you know where to avoid), Bali not even remotely on my wish list, I was sent with work, blew SA out of the water, can't wait to go back with the kids, amazing experience, we're hoping to go for the full summer holidays next year as it's so cheap out there and so, so much to do. I've never been anywhere I felt safer, very friendly, great food, such an interesting culture, so much to do. Bali is now one of my top recommendations to people travelling with kids for somewhere different but not daunting.

In your opinion. I have enjoyed Bali many years times. Its very special away from the tourist traps of which there are many. I know people like yourselves are incapable of research and adventure but really, it isn't difficult.

They aren't friends, they are deeply selfish people. They (the bride and groom)could just go on holiday with everyone they have messed about. Seeing them at breakfast each day, etc. You mentioned later on the place is Bali. If you do go stay away from Kuta, touristy and a load of drunken bogans. Bali does have some lovely areas but it is very much the cheap holiday place for Australians, especially West Australians go. Think Benidorm in terms of they type of holiday people go there for. There are some very, very nice parts to Bali though. But it isn't all Eat, Pray, Love. I enjoyed my trip there, despite having some Bali belly, that was horrific. I won't be heading back. Anyway back to the soon to be ex friends, this was crossing a line too far in my book. At the very least let them know your hurt and this has damaged your friendship. Also never cave to peer pressure again.

I would be furious! Good friendship or not they have put your families and others in such a terrible position. Have they addressed this to you all that have booked? I would be saying at the very least how disappointed you are with this decision as we really couldn’t afford the trip from the outset but due to their pressure you have now ended up with a pointless trip you didn’t need or want in the first place!

Have the wedding couple actually apologised/said much to you since they cancelled? Did they offer to reimburse you or anything?

There is no advice that would magically solve your situation I'm afraid.
What a crazy idea in first place, wedding in Bali for crying out loud they are insane..
The only thing I would advise is not to cancel flights via credit card as that is definitely not ok and airline will block you from future bookings as it is pretty much fraud.
I hope you will enjoy the holiday and start looking forward to it once you get that awful taste of betrail out of your system..

Do remember to send them a “Wish you were here” postcard from Bali!!

OP not sure why people are piling on you so much and calling you a mug.

You won't be able to sell flights but pursue a refund via travel insurance. It's a trip for a wedding that has been cancelled.

I would message bride and groom and as you know we bought the non refundable tickets as you suggested. What do you think we should do? Maybe they'll pay for them.

Why are you consider as to why people are calling her a mug when her first response to being taken for a fool to the tune of £5k by supposed friends has been to worry about the future of the friendship?

I can't understand what you're trying to say, try it in English

I'd be livid with them. Why not suggest they buy the holiday from you and use it as their honeymoon?

Because the OP is so desperate to stay friends with these people, that when they stopped speaking to her after she said they couldn’t afford to go to the wedding originally, they spent £5k that they couldn’t afford to appease them.

Now that the wedding has been cancelled, the OP is still so desperate to maintain a friendship that she won’t even consider telling them how pissed off she is or ending the friendship. If that’s not being a mug I don’t know what is.

It's just nasty. 11 pages of people having a go at her.

Mumsnet at its worst .

‘Consider’ was a typo for ‘confused’. Regardless, it’s not really that complex.

It really isn't. It's a lot of people trying to get OP to value herself and her family better to stand up o these selfish idiots and see how one-sided this "friendship" is. It's nearly all been very supportive of OP, just stated clearly.

I think people instinctively don’t like seeing nice people getting taken advantage of.

I'm great at holiday planning - I'd try somewhere else, there are many, many nicer places to go than Bali (which don't involve sitting in traffic for hours to see anything).

Your friendship is unlikely to recover, they have behaved appallingly. Just go and have an amazing holiday to reflect its amazing cost. Think positive and it will be positive. Look online for things to do, get a plan together. Don’t make this a holiday you “are lumbered with”. Whatever the date of the new wedding I would be busy elsewhere. Make them do the work of reconnecting.

Oh mate. This is awful!! I'm sorry this has happened. I would definitely check the terms and conditions of all the airlines and hotels again. With booking . Com they definitely have hidden t&Cs.

I actually think your friends are shitty friends for putting this pressure on you in the first place!!!!

So called friends 100% arseholes. I bet they are the type to now be annoyed you're still going will you cancel? Their new wedding will be whilst you're away!

On a serious note, these kind of people tread on others and don't look back - they've already proved that with not inviting you to things once your decline their initial invite.

Have you had a serious talk with them and asked what's happened/who is still going?