More of a WWYD? Wedding abroad…

[Jessforless]

A friend of ours is getting married abroad and the cost of going, accommodation, a hen and stag day day trip cost which was A LOT in July.

We said we couldn’t go. We are trying so hard at the moment to save money for various reasons and this wasn’t in our plans. I’m talking package 7k plus for this.

The response to our decline wasn’t great, and they actually cancelled a few planned things with us last summer after we declined.

We felt awful and our children are such good friends, my DH found separately amazing flight deals, hotel, etc, so we decided, let’s just do it. The friendship means a lot.

We are basically 5k in to this trip, because of going for cheaper tickets etc for everything - all non refundable. Of course because we’re idiots.

you can probably see what’s coming?

They’ve cancelled the wedding today. They’re going to get married in the UK because one set of parents can’t go. We’re not the only people affected but a lot of people booked the package which you can get back as a voucher / move to a different holiday. We stupidly tried to save money and have booked flights through Skyscanner, accommodation through booking.com and a ticket to something local via get your guide. None of it is refundable.

Im so upset. Probably this thread is for nothing - because what can we do?! We’re going to have to just go to this place we would never have chosen to go to for a holiday and suck it up. Just feels so frustrating and unfair in a year where we really could have done without it.

So, probably tumbleweed… but what would you do? Please be gentle as I’m gutted about the money. Honestly, this was such a financial stretch for us this year but following their reaction we didn’t see what else we could no but try and get there as cheaply as possible.

I know four friends who have all booked for their families.. three via the package, one a bit like us but went for a higher priced flight they can change.

Booking.com I’ve only really used before in the UK but I always pick ‘free cancellation’ and ‘pay at property’ incase we need to cancel. I didn’t select this and doesn’t seem in the app that I can change but I will email. Thank you. The day trip was £200 plus pp for 4 which we absolutely can’t get back but I would feel willing to lose that if we could sort flights and accommodation. Happy to use it for somewhere else maybe closer!

DH loves this post. He has been down on the whole thing because of the long flight time and a friend of his went and hated it… but you saying it’s wonderful gives me some hope! Thank you x

I really feel for you. I’d just say that they are not the wonderful friends you claim. No one who expects people to pay £7k to attend a wedding thinks about anyone but themselves.

What bastards!!

You can almost always pay a fee to change the flights, it may cost a few hundred but you could change for another destinations.

Do you have travel insurance? Worth seeing if insurance can cover.

This is awful. Have you spelt out the situation to your so called friends. Are they fully aware of the expenses and hassle yourself and others are going through or are they blissfully unaware?
I would consider ending the friendship

We have quite basic travel insurance through our bank account. But I will look into it, thank you. I’m not sure though that we have any legs to stand on, surely they won’t care that other people aren’t going? I hope so though!

Honestly, I know this sounds unbelievable. But until now, if someone had started a thread about making friends through your kids at school I would have posted saying we had made friends for life. We have been on other trips together, we have spent Christmas together. We really have been so close. This is so out of character but has hurt me quite deeply. I don’t want to lose the friendship but the whole situation has been so stressful, DH is there. He is so angry that they pushed us to book the trip as separate bits to save money as they wanted us there ‘so much’ that I think we feel a bit betrayed - we know they have full knowledge of our situation.

Bali!?!!

eeek what an awful “destination” wedding.

i honestly don’t know HOW you could be friends with them after this? They

such arsehole behaviour.

I’d try and salvage as much cash as possible.

i once sold a non fundable room To a coworker at 50% off room rate - so might be worth trying that or just BEGGING the hotel directly.

Oh no!

Wow, I'm sorry but they are not your friends to treat you this way, what arseholes! They cancelled knowing full well that people had already booked and paid for flights! I'd personally take a step back from these people after this.

As for the trip, I'd make the most of it now that you've paid for it. I've heard great things about Bali, so I'd do some research and go anyway, you may end up being very pleasantly surprised!

I know 🫣

we felt the same but then we’re obviously, morons.

There are so many places we would love to go as a family, I keep saying to DH we could have gone to South Africa, we could have gone to Norway (my DD’s dream) but no, we stupidly did this.

Putting aside the absolute shittiness of putting that pressure on you to go, they're still awful.

Imagine the arrogance of letting people spend thousands to attend your wedding then to fucking cancel/move it. It doesn't matter that other people can move/book a different trip it's unbelievable.

How awful!

You could try listing the holiday on a Facebook sell your holiday page. I follow one that always seems to have a lot of people interested! I will say though I have never used it but know some people that have (buying) and it all worked out!

They are truly awful and entitled people, not friends and I would never talk to them again.

Utter madness to spend any money on their wedding other than for a gift.

Can you sell you holiday though? Maybe the accommodation but flights charge a lot for changing names, don’t they? I think basically the price of the flight.

Practically
step 1 is do a full inventory and find out what exactly you are stuck with and what you can change…
eg if you can get booking.com to somehow do you a credit note and your flight connects at Singapore could you replan and go to Philippines or Indonesia?

step 2 if not, i think you have to make the best of it.
i agree with a PP if it’s well planned you’ll be fine. we half planned our trip (my friend and I added it on to the end of a work trip to Singapore so it was a bit adhoc).
the planned bit was cool the rest involved cheap alcohol and bogan Aussies 😅
waterbom was probably one of the best waterparks I have ever been to (I got the vip package and it was still pretty cheap) kids would LOVE it.

You both need to go easier on yourselves.

You aren’t morons, you’re people who wanted to be there for your friends’ important day and you’ve been really let down.

Try and think about next steps. Look at how if/how you can change flights and accommodation to somewhere you actually want to go.

Even if you “have” to go, Bali isn’t the worst place in the world. You’ll be exposing your dc to a completely different culture, food, environment, even weather! With good planning it could be a fantastic trip.

andyour flight connects at Singapore could you replan and go to Philippines or Indonesia?

Bali is in Indonesia...

Shiity behaviour on the part of your "friends", however, I've been to Bali and absolutely loved it and I'd go back in a heartbeat.

1. turn it into a positive and amazing trip
2. learn not to be a people pleaser and stick to your gut instincts
3. Ioving the irony that you’ll miss the wedding anyway if they don’t change the date as you’ll be away
4. realise they are not true friends
5. review risk next time and make plans you can back out of financially

OP, I spent a LOT of money on somewhere I thought I didn’t want to go for a friend’s wedding. I literally would never have chosen it. Other friend’s decided to make a holiday of it, and it ate up about 3 years worth of holiday budget. I felt sick.

HOWEVER! Oh my god, what a beautiful country it turned out to be. We had the best time ever and I have absolutely zero regrets. Had I not gone for the wedding, I would have missed out.

So to put a positive spin on it- you may be pleasantly surprised and, I understand that’s a lot of money, but you may find it isn’t “wasted”.

How awful OP, I’m so sorry. You sound lovely and a good friend. Your friends, however, are naff selfish arseholes. Who plans a wedding on the other side of the planet!?

Not to add to your worries, but I’m anticipating another post from you later this year to say you had a lovely family holiday, but now your “friends” aren’t speaking to you because you stole their dream wedding plans and went to Bali anyway. I BET they are the kind of people who will be pissed off that you went when they “couldn’t”.

Good luck OP…

Also, I thank you for this thread as I’m watching with interest to see what the Bali vibe is, as it's on my radar to visit 🤣🤣

I think you should go.
And perhaps renew your vows?
Just for sport like......