More of a WWYD? Wedding abroad…

[Jessforless]

A friend of ours is getting married abroad and the cost of going, accommodation, a hen and stag day day trip cost which was A LOT in July.

We said we couldn’t go. We are trying so hard at the moment to save money for various reasons and this wasn’t in our plans. I’m talking package 7k plus for this.

The response to our decline wasn’t great, and they actually cancelled a few planned things with us last summer after we declined.

We felt awful and our children are such good friends, my DH found separately amazing flight deals, hotel, etc, so we decided, let’s just do it. The friendship means a lot.

We are basically 5k in to this trip, because of going for cheaper tickets etc for everything - all non refundable. Of course because we’re idiots.

you can probably see what’s coming?

They’ve cancelled the wedding today. They’re going to get married in the UK because one set of parents can’t go. We’re not the only people affected but a lot of people booked the package which you can get back as a voucher / move to a different holiday. We stupidly tried to save money and have booked flights through Skyscanner, accommodation through booking.com and a ticket to something local via get your guide. None of it is refundable.

Im so upset. Probably this thread is for nothing - because what can we do?! We’re going to have to just go to this place we would never have chosen to go to for a holiday and suck it up. Just feels so frustrating and unfair in a year where we really could have done without it.

So, probably tumbleweed… but what would you do? Please be gentle as I’m gutted about the money. Honestly, this was such a financial stretch for us this year but following their reaction we didn’t see what else we could no but try and get there as cheaply as possible.

her parents has planned to book and promised to book but now have said they won’t because of caring commitments. (Which I get.)

I'm interested to know when the caring commitments began. Who is being cared for? Couldn't the parents have organised some respite care for the duration of the wedding. After all, how long do they realistically have to be in Bali for? Worse case scenario they could just go for the ceremony and celebration afterwards and then return home. They'd be jet lagged, obviously, but at least they would have seen their daughter get married in the location she'd set her heart on.

Have the bride and groom lost any money through cancelling?

Interesting that the bride's parents hadn't actually booked their trip. I wonder if there's more to this than they're actually saying?

i know it’s not where you would have chosen but if you would lose most of the money then go and have fun.
travel insurance may cover due to going to a cancelled event but it probably won’t cover the full amount and could increase your premiums on other insurance.
your friends are horrible, I hope they have at least been very apologetic. Cancelling if something terrible happened is one thing but just because they want a uk wedding now is awful.

I think you should just make the most of it and plan a fabulous holiday; and then come back with all your photos and memories and insist they sit through a slide show whilst you tell them ALL about Bali 💀 but I’m a petty passive aggressive bit h sometimes!

Have they said when the UK wedding is? If its the same date as the one abroad which they know you're locked in to that's appalling!

Those people are really not your friends, they sound awful, totally self absorbed with no regard for others. They have shown you who they are!!

Bali isn’t somewhere that’s ever been on my list but a friend went recently and had an amazing time. I think as others have said it’s somewhere where you need to plan your itinerary carefully but I wouldn’t write it off! Maybe start a separate post in travel asking for travel tips and you might get a whole new outlook on it - some of the suggestions on here have already caught my eye…

If you can’t get the money back then I think you’re going to have to make the best of it. I actually think the holiday will turn out fine, it’s the friendship I’d have issues with long term. It sounds like the couple put a lot of pressure on you to book (and encouraged you to book the cheap, non-flexible rates) - I’d be interested to know what else they’ve pressured you into doing over the years and why you feel you couldn’t say no? I’ve got a friend who’s getting married abroad next month (although different circumstances as it’s the brides home country) and it was made very clear on the invite that whilst they’d love us to be there they understood that it might not be affordable or practical and they wouldn’t be at all upset if we didn’t come. The groom literally said that he’d feel awful if he knew anybody went when they didn’t really want to or couldn’t really afford it and that he’s really looking forward to going to all the post-wedding celebratory catch ups with friends who couldn’t make it afterwards as it feels like prolonging the celebrations.

That said - don’t write off not getting the money back. Travel insurance may work as the event has been cancelled (although I’d be surprised if it did/feel like the basic bank account insurance almost certainly won’t - worth checking what it does/doesn’t cover before you go to check it actually meets your needs and potentially looking at extra cover before you go away). You could try the airline/hotel directly who may allow you to cancel (not sure how far out you are from the planned wedding?) or potentially give vouchers which you could use towards a holiday you do fancy.

Basically stop beating yourself up about the money - you were trying to do a nice thing for people you thought would appreciate it. Turns out they don’t. You can now use this as an opportunity for a bit of self reflection on the friendship and potentially a great holiday.

I would go and try to enjoy the holiday in Bali. Sometimes the holidays you didn’t expect or plan for are the best.

I hope I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be pressured into it, but what’s done is done. I don’t think I’d pursue getting a bit of money back when some is irretrievably lost - I’d have the holiday. I know that’s not considered sensible though.

I would seriously reconsider my friendship with these people and I wouldn’t got to the UK wedding. They’ve treated you appallingly and they know they persuaded you to book it in a way that couldn’t be cancelled.

Sorry your "friends" have been sh*tty to you.

I think I'd make the best of the situation and still go.

I think I read there are other friends who have booked too?

I'd maybe message them and see what they plan to do, it might still be a lovely holiday with other friends to meet up with and do activities with especially if all the kids are friends they will be entertained too.

Post loads of fab photos of you all having fun (which I'm sure you will given all the positive comments about things to do and see there.

Hope it all works out for you xx

Bali!!! WTAF! I’d be fuming and soooo upset that they have done this.
Have they even made comment / apologised/ empathised with the situation they have put you (and others) in? Have you had any communication with other affected guests?
I wouldn’t be able to get past this, you are clearly more invested in the friendship than they are 🥺
I really hope you can come up with a solution and have a wonderful holiday 🤞🏻

I have worked a life time in financial services and insurance and I would say you do not have a hope of getting this refunded via credit card or insurance. A credit card payment provides legal protection if the other side does not meet their side of the deal, but otherwise it is as good as cash. And I cannot imagine for a moment that your insurance would cover the event of a friend changing their wedding location.

I think you can only see if you can work with the travel providers to see if you can change it to something more of your liking, but if you booked non refundable, then I think you are going to find it non refundable.

The other thing I would do is reconcile with going to Bali! It may not be where you would have picked, but it is paid for, sunk cost, and it is certainly not a bad holiday destination (I have been). I would get a guide book and start planning a great trip.

They actually sound quite conniving. They knew it was a stretch for you, encouraged you anyway and are now laughing in your faces that you’ve basically wasted £5K!!! It’s not like a £50 concert ticket, is it? Most people can’t afford to lose that kind of money. I think the only situation I’d be willing to accept this in is serious illness of either the bride or groom, major, life-changing stuff. Otherwise, they’ve been incredibly stupid and selfish. Hadn’t they booked their flights already? Are they out of pocket too?

It was Cambodia- not on the radar at all. Beautiful place.

Totally but on the other hand, OP won't need to stress about not attending!

The couple can buy it off you. After all, they were the ones who sulked and guilt tripped you into agreeing before bombarding you with links to non-refundable "deals".

The absolute fucking audacity of them to now cancel. I would honestly die of shame.

So sorry that this has happened to you. I’d be so upset too, they seem really rude and self absorbed.

But I really came here to add another voice to Bali is amazing! Yes some parts can be dodgy (I’d also avoid Kuta) but if you research properly you will have an amazing time! I’d also avoid Ubud as its Instagram central nowadays with long queues of people taking photos clogging up the traffic. But Seminyak has chic bars and restaurants, good coffee, nice shops etc. Nusu Dua really kid friendly, Sanur and Canggu also really nice for example. So many areas to explore. We live nearby and have been lots, have 2 young kids and it’s totally family friendly as an island. Lovely people, great weather, fab food, beaches, etc you will love it! Family holiday of a lifetime. Also check out Gillies and Lombok as options to add on. Really hope you go and have the best time. Good luck

Exactly. Especially as couple tend to book destination weddings because they are cheaper. Certainly not cheaper for the guests that's for sure!

I don’t want to lose the friendship
I'd say you already have. I'd be angry at them for so long I wouldn't ve trying to repair it. And you'll probably be better off. Nobody who pressurises you to spend £1000s on their wedding is someone who treats you well and is a genuine friend.

Move on I say.

Putting aside the absolute shittiness of putting that pressure on you to go, they're still awful.

Imagine the arrogance of letting people spend thousands to attend your wedding then to fucking cancel/move it. It doesn't matter that other people can move/book a different trip it's unbelievable.

I agree with this. How can people be this self-absorbed.

Another voice here adding that Bali is a beautiful island and even if you are booked to stay in Kuta and cant change, please don't panic.

Yes change if you can but you can hire a car with a private driver very, very cheaply and they will take you wherever you want to go.

We did this when we visited Bali and used the driver - we just communicated with him via WhatsApp - every couple of days. Also Kuta isn't that bad! It's very busy - similar to a lively European resort - but we still found it very clean with some great restaurants when we visited for the day. (We stayed in Nusa Dua which we adored but many people don't like the fact it is a gated, tailor made holiday resort.). Ubud is fascinating too as well as other great resorts such as Sanur, Seminyak etc.

Your "Friends'" behaviour has been deplorable and I would most definitely be going NC.

Have a fabulous holiday! I am very envious and would return in a heartbeat. Worst thing IMO is the flight to get there - allow for the jetlag on your return - but honestly worth it.

What a great suggestion! I'm not sure it's entirely practical but I love the creative thinking...

Op - spend a few hours getting an inventory of what you've spent and if you can get your money back.

If you can't then try and view it positively- there's a reason so many people go to Bali each year. It's beautiful and, if you do some planning, you can have a fabulous time there.

As for the friends - I'd have one conversation either them where I expressed how angry and disappointed I was in their actions. I'd assess the friendship based on their reaction.

Thanks all, love the builder suggestion but not sure DH would agree 😂

We will go and I’m going to do some research, get excited about it.

I’ve heard another family might still be going too and maybe that will be good too.

I would think very carefully about the friendship, actions last. year should have warned you

but I would just go on the holiday and enjoy it for what it is

The other family can be your new friends when you both inevitably dump the entitled arseholes.

Is it possible that the wedding abroad was contingent on lots going who would basically be paying for the wedding, not enough said they would so wedding 'cancelled' as b&g couldn't actually afford it?

If they're close friends you love I would call them out on huffing with you to get you to spend 7k on a wedding they fucking canceled!! I'd be absolutely raging and would have no qualms at all with telling them I'm not going to the UK wedding if its the same date as I'll be off on the holiday I've had to go spend loads of money on.
We went to a wedding two years ago which was at a very expensive resort a 2 hour drive from our house and that was a push but they are taking the absolute piss.