'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?

[ohwow23]

I've NC. Long time member here. I'm currently going through my 4th miscarriage in the space of 14 months. Heartbreaking and sad. We are waiting on a referral from the hospital for more tests (we've had basic blood work and came back clear) we decided to keep on trying whilst we wait for our referral, each loss is heartbreaking but ultimately we want to keep on going, this is our choice a couple. I tried to explain this to this friend last night, and she didn't understand (she had her baby with no issues) and I get that not everyone will understand why people who struggle to conceive will keep putting themselves through the pain, but I know people like me who struggle who full understand the need and desperation for a baby even it means losses along the way. So I had my scan today which confirmed our 4th loss, and she messaged me this today. I've attached screenshots of the message so you understand. I really do understand her being concerned for me and Dh wellbeing, but I really think the 'poor defenceless babies' comment was completely uncalled for.

AIBU to be upset by this comment? I've also attached my quite calm response.

Yup, they are always wankers who seem to
enjoy hurting other people in the name of “just being honest.” bastards.

She is a truly awful person. I don't think I could come back from that.

Sorry for your losses. Crossing everything for you that your next pregnancy is successful.

I’m so sorry, and I hope that you get some answers and an outcome as good as ours xx

I would show her this thread because she needs to know how fucking stupid and ridiculous she is!!!

Just to say op i totally understand the "numb to it" comment.

I felt exactly that by the third miscarriage. I think i even texted DH saying something like "here we go again, another one bites the dust."

Even if she thought that (still a very odd view to have on miscarriages) why the hell say that to your friend who's lost multiple babies?! Awful. I'm so sorry.

You've all made a shit day better. Thank you for your kindness everyone

Ugh, she's one of those "I tell it like it is, me" loudmouths. Invariably as thick as two short planks and with all the empathy of a house brick. You're well rid of her.

I haven't rtft but this person isn't a friend. They aren't being "cruel to be kind" they're just cruel. Bin them off.

What an absolute cunt.

Nothing else to add.

My friend was in your position and then one bean made it! She's a wonderful mummy and her baby is very lucky. If it's something you want then keep going x

What a horrible cunt. She then goes on to double down on her comment. Block her and don't look back.

I’m so very sorry about your miscarriages OP 💐💐💐

I empathise more than I can tell you having been there. To quote my extremely experienced consultant in the recurrent miscarriage clinic when I asked what to do while waiting for test results, “always try and be pregnant, always!”

She’s an ignorant heartless bitch. Cut her off. Protect yourself from further hurt.

She’s awful. You poor thing❤️

Firstky i amnl so sorry you are going through this!!

And secondly congratulations on not having battered her!!

There is a part of me that says if this is the first time she has acted like this then I would perhaps give her the benefit of the doubt and just put a bit of distance between you. That said, poor defenceless babies is something I would expect from soapbox anti-abortion supporters rather than the close of friend of someone suffering recurrent miscarriage. Is she maybe having some issues of her own that could be behind this behaviour maybe?

Only you know how important this friendship is to you. No one sensible will blame you at all for shutting the door hard on this one!

Doesn’t sound very bright, does she?

She reads like a daft person trying to sound like to voice of reason. She needs a bit more practice.

Who needs enemies with a friend like that?

I'm so sorry for your losses op. Your ex friend is an idiot. Please forward her a link to this thread.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

This person is being horrible and acting like she knows what she's talking about, a miscarriage is not a baby.

Jeez, what a bitch she is.

You don’t need people like this in your life. Sack her off.

Lemme guess - she has her own kids? She’d do exactly what you’re doing were she in your position, so it’s nonsense as well as fucking offensive.

This.

so sorry for your losses OP.

Only read the first set of messages and my jaw his the floor! That's not a message from a supportive friend. It's like sticking the knife into someone who is already hurting.
You need to surround yourself with supportive friends.

Wow! F*ck her. Your friend's messages made me so angry! As someone who struggled to conceive for several years and had a MMC I completely understand why you keep trying. We did the same. Also I completely understand why you are numb. I felt so numb from it all, even when my son was born.

I would just cut loose from her. She has no Idea how you are feeling and what you are going through and clearly lacks sympathy. I'm so sorry you received such heartless messages but well done on your responses.

That's a terrible thing to say. For your health and mental wellbeing, it might be best to hold off ttc until your drs can get to the bottom of why it keeps happening. It could be that you need a medical intervention, as the issue isn't getting pregnant but the pregnancy continuing.