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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?

423 replies

ohwow23 · 11/01/2024 19:15

I've NC. Long time member here. I'm currently going through my 4th miscarriage in the space of 14 months. Heartbreaking and sad. We are waiting on a referral from the hospital for more tests (we've had basic blood work and came back clear) we decided to keep on trying whilst we wait for our referral, each loss is heartbreaking but ultimately we want to keep on going, this is our choice a couple. I tried to explain this to this friend last night, and she didn't understand (she had her baby with no issues) and I get that not everyone will understand why people who struggle to conceive will keep putting themselves through the pain, but I know people like me who struggle who full understand the need and desperation for a baby even it means losses along the way. So I had my scan today which confirmed our 4th loss, and she messaged me this today. I've attached screenshots of the message so you understand. I really do understand her being concerned for me and Dh wellbeing, but I really think the 'poor defenceless babies' comment was completely uncalled for.

AIBU to be upset by this comment? I've also attached my quite calm response.

'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
OP posts:
anon168231245630 · 19/03/2025 07:19

Congratulations op

SkylarkKitten · 19/03/2025 07:28

Congratulations!!! I'm SO happy for you xxx

Olika · 19/03/2025 08:50

Congratulations!! 🥳

oneflewoverthe · 19/03/2025 09:49

Daniki · 19/03/2025 02:26

Oh my god, what a complete cunt. Block her and get rid. 🤬 I’m sorry for your losses btw I totally understand the need to get pregnant again xx

She’s updated that she’s had a baby!

Daniki · 19/03/2025 09:51

@oneflewovertheyes I seen that afterwards and commented my congrats 🙌🏻

frockandcrocs · 19/03/2025 19:11

She’s callous. And would no longer be my friend.

ETA: didn’t read all of the comments 😂 congrats!

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 19/03/2025 19:16

utterly wonderful news! Congratulations

Biffbaff · 19/03/2025 19:18

ohwow23 · 18/03/2025 21:17

Just another update (my last I was 15 weeks pregnant) I had my miracle baby boy (5 weeks early via emergency c section!!) and he’s now 7 weeks old and just perfect. 🌈

Huge congratulations! ❤️

AssassinsBlade · 19/03/2025 19:21

I read your OP when it was first posted and have thought about you and your husband every now and then wondering/hoping for you! What a wonderful update, thank you so much for sharing x Congratulations on your perfect little boy, I wish nothing but the best for you and your little family 🥰

OhwhyOY · 19/03/2025 19:59

Congratulations, such lovely news. Xx

SunnyHelper · 19/03/2025 20:09

Congratulations OP! What a wonderful update to see! 🎉

arcticpandas · 19/03/2025 20:10

I'm so happy for you!! So nice to read something uplifting for once. Congratulations !!🥳💗

bringincrazyback · 19/03/2025 20:32

OP that’s wonderful news, congratulations!

TheGlitterFairy · 19/03/2025 20:43

Wow that’s awful - not a friend of yours I’d say. I’d be blocking if someone said that to me.

Maray1967 · 19/03/2025 21:06

Many many congratulations!! Wonderful news - so pleased for you. 🍾🎉

needlesandhaystacks · 19/03/2025 21:38

Congratulations OP! What lovely news!!

Anothenamechange · 19/03/2025 21:59

What absolutely lovely news!! Massive congratulations, I'm sure he will be even more precious to you both. Enjoy every stage xx

ReetPetity · 21/03/2025 16:06

Congratulations, what fantastic news! Enjoy your precious little bundle x

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/01/2026 23:40

Just wondering how OP's first year has gone and if her "friend" ever reached out to apologize or congratulate her.

ohwow23 · 25/01/2026 20:55

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/01/2026 23:40

Just wondering how OP's first year has gone and if her "friend" ever reached out to apologize or congratulate her.

Hello!! Thank you for thinking of me.
my first year with my son has been absolutely amazing (how is he 1 next week?!) I’m emotional!! 😢 he’s gone from being a little 35 weeker, to a solid 2 stone little boy, who is like a whippet when crawling, loves miss Rachel, gives the best kisses, and loves his family so much. He is nearly walking but just prefers crawling. We did have a scare back in November as he was in hospital for a week on oxygen with rsv and bronchitis but thankfully he pulled through and we celebrated our amazing first Christmas together!!!! Lots of party planning and prepping happening this week, we are throwing a party for him in a hall with a bouncy castle and all that jazz (why on earth did I agree to that?!) 😆 but I’ve waited so so long for these moments and I’m going to soak them all up as much as I can.
me and my husband just love being mummy and daddy, there’s no better feeling!

as for the friend, no she did not apologise and in fact I dont think she remembers ever saying this. We don’t talk much but I have her on socials and she occasionally messages me and asks to lend a tenner before payday 🤣 (I never reply)
funny enough I posted a picture of my son a few weeks back and she commented something like ‘I told you you’d always be a mummy and to be patient, you’re the best mummy to baby I told you it would happen for you’ lol!

sorry for the essay! Lots of love to you all who commented on this thread. I was in a dark place when I made this thread and now I’m living my best life being the best mummy I can be to my son xx

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 25/01/2026 21:08

Oh @ohwow23 this has to be one of the best updates ever. 🩷
I also had a difficult journey to motherhood and your post really resonated with me.
Sending you the very best wishes for continued happiness and happy, happy birthday to your little one! 🩷

ohwow23 · 25/01/2026 21:11

Mumtobabyhavoc · 25/01/2026 21:08

Oh @ohwow23 this has to be one of the best updates ever. 🩷
I also had a difficult journey to motherhood and your post really resonated with me.
Sending you the very best wishes for continued happiness and happy, happy birthday to your little one! 🩷

Im so sorry for the difficulties you’ve faced. Unfortunately I think unless someone has gone through it they will never understand!

thank you so much, and thank you again for thinking of me and my family ❤️

OP posts:
SemiSober · 25/01/2026 21:17

ohwow23 · 11/01/2024 19:15

I've NC. Long time member here. I'm currently going through my 4th miscarriage in the space of 14 months. Heartbreaking and sad. We are waiting on a referral from the hospital for more tests (we've had basic blood work and came back clear) we decided to keep on trying whilst we wait for our referral, each loss is heartbreaking but ultimately we want to keep on going, this is our choice a couple. I tried to explain this to this friend last night, and she didn't understand (she had her baby with no issues) and I get that not everyone will understand why people who struggle to conceive will keep putting themselves through the pain, but I know people like me who struggle who full understand the need and desperation for a baby even it means losses along the way. So I had my scan today which confirmed our 4th loss, and she messaged me this today. I've attached screenshots of the message so you understand. I really do understand her being concerned for me and Dh wellbeing, but I really think the 'poor defenceless babies' comment was completely uncalled for.

AIBU to be upset by this comment? I've also attached my quite calm response.

Evil, privileged cow. Block.

PS I hate all this ‘it’s my duty to tell you as a friend’ shit when a) no one asked for their option and b) you’re going through a very traumatic experience.

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