'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?

[ohwow23]

I've NC. Long time member here. I'm currently going through my 4th miscarriage in the space of 14 months. Heartbreaking and sad. We are waiting on a referral from the hospital for more tests (we've had basic blood work and came back clear) we decided to keep on trying whilst we wait for our referral, each loss is heartbreaking but ultimately we want to keep on going, this is our choice a couple. I tried to explain this to this friend last night, and she didn't understand (she had her baby with no issues) and I get that not everyone will understand why people who struggle to conceive will keep putting themselves through the pain, but I know people like me who struggle who full understand the need and desperation for a baby even it means losses along the way. So I had my scan today which confirmed our 4th loss, and she messaged me this today. I've attached screenshots of the message so you understand. I really do understand her being concerned for me and Dh wellbeing, but I really think the 'poor defenceless babies' comment was completely uncalled for.

AIBU to be upset by this comment? I've also attached my quite calm response.

No she doesn't know that. I had 3 miscarriages, completely unexplained before 2 successful pregnancies. Unfortunately, sometimes miscarriages happen for no logical reason!
OP is being hopeful each time. And why shouldn't she be!!

That’s disgraceful. She’s no friend.

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words. I thought maybe I was overreacting due to the situation and being sensitive as I've just had my 4th loss literally today. It's nice to see that im not. I think I will be cutting her out of my life, as I don't need this sort of negativity during this hard journey for my and my husband. To those who asked - I have a few incredible close friends, sisters, my mum & my amazing husband. I'm really lucky to have them. I did think she was a proper friend, but clearly not.

Your friends seems both ignorant and insensitive making you feel somehow guilty which you shouldn’t. I totally understand how heartbreaking it is to go through recurrent miscarriages. I’ve had 4 miscarriages myself and with each one you wonder why it’s happening and deal with the grief of the loss. I have subsequently gone onto have 2 successful pregnancies so don’t be too disheartened, be kind to yourself and seek support in others who have been through the same experiences.

This is what they call "the rubbish taking itself out" nobody needs someone like that. Good riddance! OP I'm so sorry for the heartbreak you have been going through and wish you all the luck in the world on your journey

Broadly speaking as per @Ofmince .

Also, I’m so, so sorry, many rounds of IVF and many losses here. I think firstly she’s possible a little dim? No? Secondly I do though cut her the tiniest bit of slack; because miscarriage is still one of the last taboos and is not spoken about, and not really understood people automatically think it is something physical happening with the Mother - obviously possible, but the likelihood it’s actually a problem with the embryo it’s self/the egg/or the sperm - normally a genetic issue. You’ve absolutely no way of knowing that and the hideous thing is you do need to keep going up you have a pregnancy where that isn’t the case.

What a fucking bitch! If it’s any comfort to know, I know someone who had 5 miscarriages (before they did testing at the same time they do now), and then they went on to have 3 healthy babies. Good luck to you and cut that bitch out your life!

I would never speak to that woman again. I'm so sorry for your loss ❤

I hope @Riseandshinee is the OP's 'friend' as I can't believe two women could be so fucking cruel and stupid

Bollocks, she's uneducated on the subject of miscarriages, she can do something about that.

I can understand your hurt but I think she may be reacting to the laughing emoji - it makes it seem like you don’t care. I understand that isn’t the case but I think maybe have a conversation with each other before cutting her off

What an arsehole your friend is!

Omg op that was horrific. A stranger off the street would have shown more compassion and caring. This is not a friend. Cut her off. I am so sorry about your lose all of them and wish you all the best. I don't get shocked easily but that was shocking. What a nasty person she is.

I'd literally never talk to her again op
Screw her

block Her

She has no right to react to an emoji! Ffs. Some people's standards are so low

Oh christ OP, that’s absolutely disgusting. She should not be saying that.

Even if it’s what she thinks, she shouldn’t say it. what the fuck is wrong with some people? Why can’t they keep their thoughts to themselves when it’s obviously an upsetting subject?

I’m so sorry, both for your losses (I’ve had MCs too), and for the way that “friend” has treated you.

Forward her the link to this thread, then block. Absolute bitch.

I'm so sorry for your losses OP xxxx

She sounds thick as pig shit

She is an idiot. Cut her off.
Im very sorry!

I would never speak to her again, ever. for your losses, OP.

I don't see your point.

Clearly someone who can have a baby without effort or education.

Fuck me pink. Please tell me she is now an ex-friend. That is hands down the worst thing I have heard of being said to anyone who has gone through a miscarriage.

I’ve had 3 mcs. I could not have coped with messages like hers. She is so very wrong and unbelievably cruel. I can’t see how you could restore this relationship, to be honest.

I would end all contact now. I just couldn’t ever look at her again with kind feelings.

What a thick cunt. She’s not your friend. I’m sorry you had to read that comment whilst going through this x