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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?

423 replies

ohwow23 · 11/01/2024 19:15

I've NC. Long time member here. I'm currently going through my 4th miscarriage in the space of 14 months. Heartbreaking and sad. We are waiting on a referral from the hospital for more tests (we've had basic blood work and came back clear) we decided to keep on trying whilst we wait for our referral, each loss is heartbreaking but ultimately we want to keep on going, this is our choice a couple. I tried to explain this to this friend last night, and she didn't understand (she had her baby with no issues) and I get that not everyone will understand why people who struggle to conceive will keep putting themselves through the pain, but I know people like me who struggle who full understand the need and desperation for a baby even it means losses along the way. So I had my scan today which confirmed our 4th loss, and she messaged me this today. I've attached screenshots of the message so you understand. I really do understand her being concerned for me and Dh wellbeing, but I really think the 'poor defenceless babies' comment was completely uncalled for.

AIBU to be upset by this comment? I've also attached my quite calm response.

'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
OP posts:
krustykittens · 07/09/2024 21:20

That is so good to read! Congratulations!

elm26 · 08/09/2024 10:02

ohwow23 · 07/09/2024 13:11

Just coming back to this thread - I wanted to thank everyone for their kind (and funny!!) words during this awful time for me! I wanted to update and say we’ve got our miracle and I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant with a baby boy 💙🌈

Amazing news! Congratulations OP! Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy xxxx

Olika · 08/09/2024 12:17

Amazing update! Congratulations! 💞

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 08/09/2024 12:29

That comment is just painful, I'm sorry you had to read that, it is unbelievably offensive to every woman who has suffered a miscarriage or stillbirth - in fact every woman, period. I couldn't be friends with her after that.

Updated to say trust me not to RTFT - congratulations xxx hope you cut bitch 'friend' out x

ohwow23 · 18/03/2025 21:17

Just another update (my last I was 15 weeks pregnant) I had my miracle baby boy (5 weeks early via emergency c section!!) and he’s now 7 weeks old and just perfect. 🌈

OP posts:
Abigaillovesholidays · 18/03/2025 21:20

Huge Congratulations!!

sunshineandshowers40 · 18/03/2025 21:21

Congratulations! Lovely news!

Rachie1973 · 18/03/2025 21:24

Oh my goodness! Congratulations xxxxx

Bumbers · 18/03/2025 21:25

This is such wonderful news!

Loopytiles · 18/03/2025 21:31

Wonderful update, congratulations!

lordloveadog · 18/03/2025 21:38

Congratulations! Thank you for sharing this wonderful news!

Purplebunnie · 18/03/2025 21:46

Wonderful news, thank you for letting us know. Big hugs to you all xx

RobertaFirmino · 18/03/2025 21:58

Wow! Amazing news, I wish you every happiness xx

Thirteenblackcat · 18/03/2025 22:03

Im so sorry for your losses, it’s an awful thing to experience. People were very insensitive when I had mine, but I think they just don’t know what to say.

However, this person is either very thick or very nasty. Or both

Thirteenblackcat · 18/03/2025 22:05

ohwow23 · 18/03/2025 21:17

Just another update (my last I was 15 weeks pregnant) I had my miracle baby boy (5 weeks early via emergency c section!!) and he’s now 7 weeks old and just perfect. 🌈

I should have read your updates, congratulations on your beautiful baby boy 🌈

morellamalessdrama · 18/03/2025 22:11

Congratulations, that’s such lovely news! Thanks so much for updating us all xx

Tandora · 18/03/2025 23:41

Congratulations OP 💓

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 18/03/2025 23:43

Oh wow really pleased to hear this, congratulations! Amazing!

Longdarkcloud · 19/03/2025 00:58

Congratulations and best wishes for the future to you and your little miracle.

LibrariansGiveUsPower · 19/03/2025 00:59

Massive congratulations 🙌

Longdarkcloud · 19/03/2025 01:08

It takes some of us longer to succeed in our dream of having a child - something many seem to achieve quite easily - My dream came true on the fourth attempt and I felt my gestation had been as long as an elephants. But it was worth it in the end and my baby is grown with a lovely daughter of her own and I believe the world is a better place for having them in it. 💐

Daniki · 19/03/2025 02:26

Oh my god, what a complete cunt. Block her and get rid. 🤬 I’m sorry for your losses btw I totally understand the need to get pregnant again xx

Daniki · 19/03/2025 02:26

Aw and just seen your update, congrats!!! Xx

Denimdenimdenim · 19/03/2025 07:03

Fantastic news 🩷

Bonjovispyjamas · 19/03/2025 07:13

Aww, your happy news made me cry, congratulations 😊