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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?

423 replies

ohwow23 · 11/01/2024 19:15

I've NC. Long time member here. I'm currently going through my 4th miscarriage in the space of 14 months. Heartbreaking and sad. We are waiting on a referral from the hospital for more tests (we've had basic blood work and came back clear) we decided to keep on trying whilst we wait for our referral, each loss is heartbreaking but ultimately we want to keep on going, this is our choice a couple. I tried to explain this to this friend last night, and she didn't understand (she had her baby with no issues) and I get that not everyone will understand why people who struggle to conceive will keep putting themselves through the pain, but I know people like me who struggle who full understand the need and desperation for a baby even it means losses along the way. So I had my scan today which confirmed our 4th loss, and she messaged me this today. I've attached screenshots of the message so you understand. I really do understand her being concerned for me and Dh wellbeing, but I really think the 'poor defenceless babies' comment was completely uncalled for.

AIBU to be upset by this comment? I've also attached my quite calm response.

'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
OP posts:
Alwaystired2023 · 11/01/2024 19:25

Oh my word what a batshit cow your friend is, block and delete she is horrible you do not need that in your life

Raindancer411 · 11/01/2024 19:25

It is your right to do things how you see fit and what feels right. There can always be that one glimmer of hope and a miracle happens. If you don't try, how will you ever know?

I would take a step back from this person as they are judgemental and not supportive. Immerse yourself in those who know you best and don't judge you.

Good luck and I will keep everything I can crossed for that little glimmer ❤️

Riseandshinee · 11/01/2024 19:25

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Desgusten · 11/01/2024 19:25

I mean it’s up there with “at least you know you can get pregnant”

🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/01/2024 19:26

What a massive cunt. Block and don't look back. So sorry for your struggles.

goldfootball · 11/01/2024 19:26

Oh wow she can fuck off

Ghostwritersinc · 11/01/2024 19:27

I’m so sorry for what you are going through.
That woman is no friend of yours, she was rude, hurtful and insensitive, you did so well to write a calm and eloquent reply.
Hope your rainbow baby arrives happy and healthy very soon 🌈

Hatty65 · 11/01/2024 19:27

I think you were very clear that this was unacceptable - and rather than offering you an apology she stood by what she had said.

I agree with you that it was an appalling thing to say to anyone and I think there is nothing more that you can say to this woman. Block her now. She's horrible.

CreateHope · 11/01/2024 19:28

She’s an ignorant twat who doesn’t understand the first thing about biology. I’d bin her off. What an arse.

So sorry for your losses. I’ve had 3 miscarriages - devastating 😢

Denimdenimdenim · 11/01/2024 19:28

She is not your friend

stemmedroses · 11/01/2024 19:28

That's horrendous, shockingly horrendous. Block her; don't even upset yourself trying to engage with her.

Tbh anyone that tells you they're "just telling it like it is" is generally an asshole.

bonkersplonkers · 11/01/2024 19:29

how horrible. I'm so sorry for your losses

Bournetilly · 11/01/2024 19:29

I wouldn’t be speaking to her again. I’m sorry for your losses.

Ofmince · 11/01/2024 19:29

@Riseandshinee

Nah, fuck off and educate yourself.

Recurrent miscarriages can be caused by shit luck, not something that needs to be "fixed".

Fizzadora · 11/01/2024 19:30

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Bloody hell you are as stupid as the OP's friend. Sometimes there isn't anything wrong that can be fixed. My friend started trying the year before I did. I got pregnant immediately - she had 9 miscarriages before she managed to have her baby. Nothing wrong it just didn't work.

blackpanth · 11/01/2024 19:30

Block her! So sorry for your losses. I had 3 then the next one stuck. Sometimes you have to keep going x

Pusheen467 · 11/01/2024 19:30

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She doesn't know that for sure. I know someone who had 3 unexplained miscarriages then had a baby with no intervention. And even if her friend did think this she didn't have to be such a cunt about it and basically accuse OP of hurting babies.

BassoContinuo · 11/01/2024 19:30

You are a lot more restrained than I would have been!

I think that would be an end to the friendship for me tbh.

Mumoftwo1312 · 11/01/2024 19:31

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Rubbish... she doesn't "know" that at all. Every pregnancy is a probability based thing. Having several MCs doesn't mean the next pregnancy will be a MC.

curtaintwitcher78 · 11/01/2024 19:31

She is a cunt. And she's insane.

TheSlantedOwl · 11/01/2024 19:31

Nasty malicious moron. Never contact her again. Why are some people such fucking wastes of time and resources.

Smarties2 · 11/01/2024 19:31

Festivemoose · 11/01/2024 19:20

Not only is she a cunt, but she is also really, really stupid.

This!

bestofall · 11/01/2024 19:31

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In all probability there is nothing wrong.
Don't be so nasty!

I had 4 miscarriages and nothing was found to be wrong....
I was successful on the 5th attempt though

Lorelaigilmore88 · 11/01/2024 19:31

That would be friendship ending for me, op. I am not one for cutting people off, i tend to forgive thoughtlessness but that is more than thoughtless. She actually sat and typed that. Why? What was she hoping to achieve? And she also sounds totally stupid as well as hurtful.

ExpectantEs · 11/01/2024 19:31

I'm so sorry she said these things to you. The words she said are very hurtful & she does not have an ounce of empathy. Please never speak to her again.

I'm sorry for your losses x