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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?

423 replies

ohwow23 · 11/01/2024 19:15

I've NC. Long time member here. I'm currently going through my 4th miscarriage in the space of 14 months. Heartbreaking and sad. We are waiting on a referral from the hospital for more tests (we've had basic blood work and came back clear) we decided to keep on trying whilst we wait for our referral, each loss is heartbreaking but ultimately we want to keep on going, this is our choice a couple. I tried to explain this to this friend last night, and she didn't understand (she had her baby with no issues) and I get that not everyone will understand why people who struggle to conceive will keep putting themselves through the pain, but I know people like me who struggle who full understand the need and desperation for a baby even it means losses along the way. So I had my scan today which confirmed our 4th loss, and she messaged me this today. I've attached screenshots of the message so you understand. I really do understand her being concerned for me and Dh wellbeing, but I really think the 'poor defenceless babies' comment was completely uncalled for.

AIBU to be upset by this comment? I've also attached my quite calm response.

'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?
OP posts:
Clarabell77 · 13/01/2024 12:50

@Metabolicallycomplicated Loved reading your happy ending.

JustanotherMNSlapperTwat · 13/01/2024 13:48

WandaWonder · 13/01/2024 06:03

How do you know? We call all pretend what we want happens or not but how does anyone know what a baby goes through?

What an incredibly nasty thing to say to someone who has been through multiple miscarriages

Why on earth try to rip away someone else's comfort just to be pedantic?

ohwow23 · 20/01/2024 21:21

I didn't message her back in the end, after I sent the last message and she was like 'oh sorry but truth hurts' after that. I made a video of me and DH journey and posted it online and she messaged me 'omg the video you posted just made me cry my eyes out' oh did it 🤨 I didn't reply, didn't even open the message 😂

OP posts:
scoobysnaxx · 20/01/2024 23:42

Good.. stupid cow! She'll miss out on so much with you and your DC. Her loss completely. She can watch from afar on social media

WithACatLikeTread · 21/01/2024 00:25

WandaWonder · 13/01/2024 06:03

How do you know? We call all pretend what we want happens or not but how does anyone know what a baby goes through?

Do fuck off.

AutumnVibes · 21/01/2024 15:11

Here here @WithACatLikeTread

3amShopper · 21/01/2024 16:27

@WandaWonder

How do you know? We call all pretend what we want happens or not but how does anyone know what a baby goes through?

Because their cerebral cortex isn't developed. Their brains literally don't have the function to know.

Foetuses don't develop any form of sentience until, about 26-28 weeks. Certainly nothing like the kind of sentience or awareness you're alluding to.

ohwow23 · 07/09/2024 13:11

Just coming back to this thread - I wanted to thank everyone for their kind (and funny!!) words during this awful time for me! I wanted to update and say we’ve got our miracle and I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant with a baby boy 💙🌈

OP posts:
ReetPetity · 07/09/2024 13:22

I'm so glad to hear that! What fantastic news. Congratulations!

Purplebunnie · 07/09/2024 13:24

Fantastic news, congratulations to you all

WheresthesaladTheresthesalad · 07/09/2024 13:26

Edited as didn't see OPs update, apologies.

WheresthesaladTheresthesalad · 07/09/2024 13:27

What a wonderful update. Congratulations! Xx💖

Tandora · 07/09/2024 13:44

ohwow23 · 07/09/2024 13:11

Just coming back to this thread - I wanted to thank everyone for their kind (and funny!!) words during this awful time for me! I wanted to update and say we’ve got our miracle and I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant with a baby boy 💙🌈

Awww wonderful news OP!!! Huge congratulations!!! 🥂

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/09/2024 13:49

What a horrible thing to say. Also incredibly stupid. She is not your friend. Block her. If any mutual friends ask why, send them the screen grabs.

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/09/2024 13:50

ohwow23 · 07/09/2024 13:11

Just coming back to this thread - I wanted to thank everyone for their kind (and funny!!) words during this awful time for me! I wanted to update and say we’ve got our miracle and I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant with a baby boy 💙🌈

Oh gosh - should have read the thread. This is a brilliant update. Congratulations!

Silvers11 · 07/09/2024 14:03

Wonderful news @ohwow23 I hope all goes well for you. You deserve it

JustAGalWhoLovesBooks · 07/09/2024 14:04

Absolutely disgusting. OP sorry for your losses, I have experienced miscarriages and not only are her words nasty and insensitive, they also make no sense.

JustAGalWhoLovesBooks · 07/09/2024 14:06

Oh wow this just came up and I didn't read the most recent messages or realise this was an older thread. What wonderful news OP!

Littlebitpsycho · 07/09/2024 14:08

Oh how lovely, congratulations what lovely news 🥰🥰

Hope bitch friend is out of your life too!

Gimmeabreak2025 · 07/09/2024 14:08

Block block block

Who the hell does she think she is to be he moral arbiter of what is right and true. Arrogant and obnoxious person who you’re better off without.

Commonsense22 · 07/09/2024 14:20

How awful of her OP. I'm sorry.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 07/09/2024 15:11

What lovely news, OP! Congratulations 🤩

ChangeAgain2 · 07/09/2024 16:46

ohwow23 · 07/09/2024 13:11

Just coming back to this thread - I wanted to thank everyone for their kind (and funny!!) words during this awful time for me! I wanted to update and say we’ve got our miracle and I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant with a baby boy 💙🌈

That's amazing news. Congratulations. I wish you an easy and uneventful pregnancy x

Commonsense22 · 07/09/2024 16:58

Oh wonderful news OP!

Serrina · 07/09/2024 17:37

Congratulations OP and I hope the "friend" is now an "ex friend"