AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

Just been telling dg about this. He's site impaired and an ex teacher. His advice take no prisoners, tell.them.this is a safeguarding issue( they hate that word.) You want a clear and detailed plan of how they are safeguarding your daughter from physical abuse ,which is what physically removing the glasses.is and if they do not come up with an appropriate plan with the next few days you will be taking the issue to ofsted and the police for criminal damage , if the child is over 10. Ask who is the safeguarding lead for the governors and.copy them.in. to an email stating the same. You also want recompense for property damage ant to know what sanctions have been taken against the child. Finish with if the plan fails you will be reporting as safeguarding issue to ofstesd and County Council education dept immediately

Haven't rtft, but just wanted to say that I am pretty sure that the school are required to provide education for DD whilst her classmates are on a residential, all the more so because she's had to come back because they've fucked up in their safeguarding duty to her. Do not feel obliged to take time off work because DD has been sent home from a residential due to no fault of her own. Poor kid, she must be devastated!

Children's glasses are free usually.

We paid £250 for dc1's in December, £10 of which was for the frames. They are myopia glasses with a specific kind of lens to hopefully slow the progression. I know a few children with the same sort of lens and our opticians said it's becoming increasingly common.

It's a bit drastic but what about getting her some sports goggles for a spare pair. They are considerably more robust than normal glasses as far as I can tell (dc1 also plays football).

This is bullying. Do something about it.

Awful. Definitely take it further. I hope the little brat breaking your daughter's glasses is also sent home from the residential trip too.

The OPs DD is not playing a sport so does not require sports googles! Robust or otherwise! God she will probably be even more self conscious now without putting her in a spare pair that look like a cross between swimming googles and safety glasses

Would you recommend a more robust crutch if someone kept kicking a crutch away from someone who had broken leg?

Good luck today OP, you're poor. poor DD.

This is not an excuse.

@jamimmi

This post op....

The OPs DD is not playing a sport so does not require sports googles! Robust or otherwise!

The Ops DD does however need to be able to see and to access education. The number of incidents and the schools handling so far wouldn't exactly leave me confident that this will be fixed straight away so yes, if I were the OP, I'd consider all options.

I have a friend whose child is essentially a magpie. She shouldn't be in a mainstream school but she is due to lack of places in a suitable setting. She has broken many things belonging to many other people at school. Often "picking" on the same child as she has a lot of repetitive behaviours but she doesn't understand that what she is doing is wrong or that it upsets the people she's doing it to. The school have so far been rather rubbish dealing with it causing a lot of distress on all sides. If the child responsible is closer to that than an obnoxious bully, then this may drag on for a while and Op's child shouldn't need to leave school temporarily. That would certainly devastate my glasses wearing child who absolutely would pick sports goggles over that option. Afterall Dc1 takes his sports glasses to school voluntarily for lunchtimes football/rugby/mud wrestling.

I'd be furious about it. I have a significant prescription and cannot function at all without my glasses.
I think the problem is glasses are seen as a 'nice to have' (believe me, they are not!) I'm assuming the same child wouldn't kick a child out of a wheelchair and break that, nor would the school simply call up for a 'spare'!
Absolutely awful behaviour of both school and the child. The fact that your child is now missing out on a trip away yet the other child gets to enjoy it.
Awful.

I would put a formal complaint into school and I'd make it clear from the outset that if appropriate action isn't taken I'd escalate it to the Chair of Governors and Ofsted and I'd expect them to pay to.

Do you know the child's background? If they are new to the school, they may well have been moved from a previous school due to behavioural issues. Or they may have suffered some upheaval in their personal life. Sometimes this info is useful to know so that you know how to approach it. I.e..do you go in hard, expect the parents to cover the full costs and expect the school to suspend the student, or suggest that the child is moved to another class/disciplined and monitored.

This is appalling.

Make it clear you are lodging an official complaint about the incidents and how they have been handled so far and copy both the Head and the school's Board.

It would also make it clear that you expect the parents' of this child to reimburse you for the cost of the glasses.

I would be concerned for your child's safety if she is being targeted by someone over and over again and would make it clear you expect that child to be removed, not your daughter.

My DD also wore glasses from a baby and we never ever had this problem in school. But I did make sure that she always had a spare pair on the go - opticians were very helpful about this.

As to school - they are failing to safeguard a pupil in school so need to be held to account. Look up their bullying and safeguarding policies and quote freely when in contact with head and governors - there will be a safeguarding lead in school and also a governor with responsibility for checking out safeguarding. Insist that something is done - they will hide behind confidentiality, which they do have to uphold, but the conversation can be around it being the same unnamed child each time.

RTFT!!

Glad you've confirmed what every other poster has said.

AND SHE IS!!

The child broke the spare as well...

Which left no 'spare' when they were broken on the trip

@BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD I do hope the school isn't an academy? It makes referring the issue 'up the chain' so much harder

Do you think that is at all helpful 12 hours after it was posted?

You are totally justified in your reaction! I'd be fucking furious!

Thank you everyone I've read every comment.

Glasses
DD gets DLA as well as having an EHCP so I use some of her DLA money and let her choose any frame she wants, her newest pair where a fancy branded pair that cost £99, so I had to put in £55 I think it was to top up the voucher. I don't normally mind this, it's DDs face and she's got to wear them.

I've had to replace the whole entire frame set, because DDs had too many pairs within a 6 month period for a voucher for the replacement, so I've just spent nearly £200 on her glasses, when I usually spend £50-100 once a year. They couldn't be fixed as they'd snapped straight in the middle.

The meeting
It went better than expected.

Headteacher insisted DD sit in on the meeting even though I said she could sit in the library while we talked. She firstly listened to what I had to say and DDs explanation of all 3 incidences, and said DDs stories matched those of witnesses so she was satisfied it wasn't DDs fault or DD who caused it.

She then apologised, said it shouldn't of even happened once let alone 3 times, I said I was aware from DD and her friends that it was the same child each time, and she nodded and said she had now got involved with it and had spoken to the parents on the phone yesterday.

I asked if the boy had been sent home from the trip, and she couldn't tell me that she said it was confidential but that he will be kept away from DD and her friends and any other child who wears glasses. He has also been punished for it and it will not happen again. If it does then the HT has said she will back me in a complaint to whoever I think is needed, including Ofsted and/or the SEN department at the council.

She gave me a cheque for half the cost of the trip without me asking for it and said DD and her friends will all be invited on the end of half term celebration trip free of charge (usually it costs about £5 and is invitation only). Which DD was pleased with as those trips everyone tries to earn to go and they're generally a whole day out of class in none uniform bowling or climbing walls or similar.

I asked that the money did not come out of her EHCP funding as she will need that money later in the year and I was told it won't or if it does then school will fund the things later in the year that are needed as a result.

She invited me to write to the governors to ask for the money to cover the glasses.

She also said that the children who'd helped DD get her glasses back and looked for them and been upset by it would be supported and recognised through school rewards.

I told her I'd write up the recording of the meeting and send it to her and could she sign it and she said she would.

DD went into school for the rest of the day, she got to choose which class to join so she went for the Reception class of course because of all the toys! And she's been invited to meet her friends off the bus this afternoon when they get back, which isn't normally allowed.

Overall I am happy, and I've written up the meeting from the transcript and emailed a copy across, apparently a signed copy of it will be in my DDs school bag when I pick her up!

That sounds like a potentially good outcome OP (assuming they stick to their promises)! Well done!

Good result OP
Thanks for letting us know

I'm so pleased to hear your update about the school meeting, I think I'd be really pleased with that outcome. The HT sounds like she really cares about this issue and doesn't want it happening again, really good to get some money back too, even though it isn't about that. . I hope your daughter enjoys the day trip out.

Here's hoping that your DD doesn't go through this again.