AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

The other child's parents should be paying for these repairs and this child should be kept away from
Your dd

You could ask your ehcp case worker to have a word with school

I'd also like to know - and your child's friends will be able to tell you - if the bully stayed on the trip

Confidentiality or not, if the boy had also gone home I fully expect the Head would have found a way to let OP know, although as you say it would be easy enough to find out

Also, if the playground's visible from a public space, I'd make it my business to pay a couple of visits to see if the boy's racketing round it with the rest (and therefore has access to DD) or if he's somehow "missing"

Recommendation - email the head and ask them to arrange to reimburse you. Remind them that it is an operational decision within their spending limits and that there is no need to ask the governors.

Spending a tiny amount like this will never need governor approval. Believe me, I've worked in school finance and school governance for many years.

Hmm. Fairly positive but they could and should have done more, particularly with regard to your out of pocket expenses.

You definitely should try to do some spot checks. I would be highly skeptical they have sufficient measures in place.

As an ex-SENCO I read this and thought:
-it was unlawful to keep DD off the trip because of her disability, with or without glasses. The HT likely knows this so a mere 50% refund is v cheeky why not 100% refund, since she barred your child from attending ?

• sticking up for DD over the perpetrator to Ofsted, the LA etc is near impossible but likely a move she might attempt because she regrets taking this pupil (perhaps forced to on a managed move or because he has EHCP, child was probably difficult at last school or because of the reasons for the move) and wants rid. If so this is also discrimination against perpetrator as perp's needs are not being met in school as prob has SEMH or other SEN.

I would not be happy with being fobbed off with an invite to something at the end of term as compensation for discrimination, either.

@anyolddinosaur She was supposed to be there Wednesday to Friday and came home half way through Thursday so missed a day and a half

It's becoming more common because children aren't constantly changing focus from short range to medium range to far range and back again as they (we) used to do when kids played outside, most of them are only using their short range muscles now.

From what I can tell the boy was not on the bus back, I don't know what he looks like as I've never met him but there were no children on it that I didn't at least recognise even if I don't know their name (I know most of them though as DD has been in a class with all of them at some point since Reception). I will ask around the parents though and see if their DC knows if he stayed on the trip.

DD is very happy with the outcome, I will be following up with the Governors for the cost of the glasses though.

The HT did say it wasn't her decision to send DD home, the first she knew about it was after the decision had been made and this was after the Secretary had already asked me to collect her and I'd made the arrangements with ExH. I will definitely follow up on this though so in future DC aren't excluded due to this.

DD is doing ok, she's glad to have seen her friends coming off the bus. I am speaking to her friends parents and arranging a sleepover for February Half Term as well.

I, in general, like the Headteacher, I always have. She genuinely cares about every single child, she knows DDs name along with most of her classmates and yet has never taught DD, she can tell me little bits of information about DD that I didn't even think she'd know (like DDs food allergies and the basic contents of her EHCP). I do genuienely think the ball just got dropped here for whatever reason. I've never had reason to doubt her before so I don't see me having reason to this time.

Dreadful this has happened once let alone 3 times but good the HT us taking it seriously and refunding half the trip cost was nice but full refund would have been better

How will they stop the child

How has he been punished

Are his parents bothered or feel awful

I would be asking what is in place to support the member of staff further in their professional development re the handling of this and other situations. I’m pleased the meeting went well and that your DD is very happy - well done

You're a better person than me, I would have gone in foaming at the mouth.

Thanks for sharing the update, OP. It’s a promising next step and I really hope the HT follows through.

Hope you and DD have a fab weekend.

That's a good headteacher you have there (as they all should be). Do apply to the governors for the cost of the glasses as it will also alert them to what this boy has done.

Surely the parents of the child should be paying the glasses cost ot the governors.
Wonder if small claims court would be an option to get money back

Op - the Head is wasting your time. They can authorise this small amount themselves, no need for governor approval and they know that. Their personal spending limit will be probably £2.5k + !

If the school were meant to be supervising the child to prevent things like this (eg he has SENs that require close supervision) then it would be their responsibility I imagine.

it does then the HT has said she will back me in a complaint to whoever I think is needed, including Ofsted and/or the SEN department at the council.

This will be for the boys benefit and the schools benefit.

Teachers can complain about underfunding/difficult children - but parents voices are louder - boy will get more support - school will get more funding - you’ll get nothing. you may find the parents don’t appreciate your input and out you and DD in the firing line.

It is also an irrelevant thing to say but sounds positive. What would be the benefit of being "backed" by the HT when complaining about her handling of the situation?

Glad you were able to have a productive conversation with the head, though I don't like the way she was openly checking on the veracity of your daughter's account of things. That should never have been in question! Also terrible that you are still down such a considerable sum of money. Good that your daughter feels happy about the situation and feels safe going into school.

@BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD well the headteacher could get those snippets of info about your daughter from a cursory glance of her file especially if she has a EHCP. Don’t allow your fondness of the headteacher to blindside you.

She gave me a cheque for half the cost of the trip without me asking for it and said DD and her friends will all be invited on the end of half term celebration trip free of charge (usually it costs about £5 and is invitation only).

but does that cover how much you’re out of pocket by? I think you could have pushed for full refund as the entire trip was ruined by this. Instead you’re having to go to governors.

Did your daughter stay for the full meeting? I wouldn’t be happy for my daughter to be in the meeting at all. This was supposed to be an adult conversation about the events surrounding your daughter. By having her in the room, you would probably be more accepting of the HT’s proposals and less likely to dig further into what was actually happening in the school/residential. Brilliant move on HT behalf on confirming and reinforcing her authority over you and your daughter. Your daughter is happy with the end of year reward (which is a form of bribery) and therefore you are less likely to follow up your complaint, especially if your daughter thinks she may lose this ‘treat’. I’d be noting dates times etc of every incident, keep receipts etc. I wouldn’t personally engage with the parents of the other child and I would still be approaching the board of governors to make a formal complaint.

I thought this when I read about your daughter attending the meeting too. It was very inappropriate for the HT to suggest/insist on this. It was very much a tactical move so you would be less likely to probe and show annoyance.
The HT doesn't sound like she is acting in your daughter's best interests at all.
Half the cost of the trip? Why? Getting you to write a letter. Why? To be honest, I would take this higher immediately. The HT is not on your side here.

I can’t fault your behavior or HT’s response. Well done!!!