AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

A school could never guarantee it wouldn't happen again. I'd be more inclined to ask WTAF is going on re the children who need 1:1 supervision and without it make everyone's lives hell. It sounds like it's become a game but no child should be that close to your child when they are causing problems like this. The school will be full of kids who need a special provision but authorities have stopped funding them. Doesn't matter what teachers say, it's parent power that gets changes.

Is the school reimbursing your ex for his costs of collecting your daughter and using time off?

The school excluded a child from an activity due to her disability because another child had repeatedly broken her disability aid! Something that was threatened beforehand.

People are so familiar with glasses they forget/ downplay the seriousness of this. Imagine this was a walker rather than glasses. Same seriousness /impact to the child.

A lot of people are assuming the boy has SEN, he might, but it is not a given. Some just like tormenting others (adults and children).

Wow @SerendipityJane thats quite a comment

But true.

Op it sounds like she is genuine and upset about this also.
I've had much worse when we had issues... Lower level yes but upsetting and been completely gas lit by staff and held at arms length.

Hopefully things will improve and dd knows the head supports her.

Op could get that line in when asking for glasses money in a short description of what's gone on eg " my dd was excluded from the trip due to her disability and thru no fault of her own" etc

Totally true, and I have found the victim-blaming on this thread disturbing. Person after person suggesting the girl should change her behavior, even wear different glasses or strap them to her head because no-one seemed prepared to prevent the aggressor from attacking her again.

Even on the trip, there was nothing to stop the school from phoning in her prescription locally for an emergency pair of glasses then and there - they can make them quite quickly when they are asked, she'd have had them on the following day.

I agree @DeanElderberry I've been quite shocked by some of the responses.
The bottom line is that there is a little girl who is being bullied and her glasses are a central part of that. Of course there may be more to it than that but I would be willing to bet that these incidents haven't made her feel better about herself or about wearing glasses. Yet so many posters have come up with solutions that involve the bullied girl needing to change, and getting eyewear that is almost certainly more uncomfortable, more conspicuous and less suitable for her needs (off the shelf reading glasses....really?!!) Aside from the fact that showing up to school in sports goggles is likely to make her more of a target for bullies, plus they are bloody uncomfortable to wear for prolonged periods in my experience and cost a fortune, what message does that give? Someone is behaving very unreasonably, potentially unlawfully, towards you and you are the one who has to change your behaviour?
And yes, the bully may himself have some additional needs, though the OP is clearly not aware if that is the case, and realistically, what is the probability of this boy having specific special needs which means he is triggered by seeing glasses vs him just being a regular bully? The OP has indicated that her child has an EHCP, not that she is at a special school as far as I can see, so there's no particular reason to assume the other child has additional needs. Yes, there's probably a reason for his behaviour and it probably should be a red flag for the school staff to look more closely at this boy and what else is happening in his life, but regardless of any of that it is not the OP's responsibility, and certainly not her DD's responsibility to make allowances for this boy. That is for the school, and his parents to deal with and his needs do not trump the OP's DD's. She has a right to be kept safe at school.
(Think you might be a bit optimistic about getting a new pair of glasses made overnight on a school trip though.)

I was just remembering a time I broke my glasses when I was away from home (as a student), got the prescription by phone, and had a new pair made and delivered by the following afternoon (less than 24 hours after they got the order). That's more than 30 years ago, but things can't have dis-improved that much, can they?

@DeanElderberry Unfortunately it takes at least a fortnight usually more like 3 weeks normally, an emergency issue can be done in 5 days sometimes but even that can take a fortnight.

The school doesn't seem to have made any attempt to get replacement glasses. If the bully child's trigger was shoes and he'd destroyed a pair of those, would the school have sent the victim home barefoot (in this weather?) or bought a replacement?

Tell her to fight back OP. Don’t raise your children be doormats. Teachers can’t and won’t do anything. Because these feral kids have feral parents. There is no hope for them. Your child needs to give as good as they get. And more.

Depends where you live - rural area like where I am, absolutely no chance of new glasses in under a week. And the complexity of the prescription affects things of course.
Plus you were an adult, capable of making your own decisions about frame etc, and of signing the NHS forms yourself if relevant, or paying. Bit different with a primary aged child who has additional needs. I wouldn't expect- or even want a teacher to take that responsibility in those circumstances I don't think.

I'm amazed and saddened that lens production has gone back so badly. Not just since my time - I've just remembered my mother had her glasses broken the day before she was due to get married (in 1955) and Dollond and Aitchison on the Strand responded to her desperate plea for help (she didn't want to marry the wrong man) and made a new pair ON THE DAY.

Emergency replacement glasses, from Specsavers who (as a franchise) had the child's details, basic frames, school to pay, should have been possible.

But things have also moved on technically a lot since then. I would be willing to wager a significant amount of money that the types of lenses that my DS has had since early childhood were not even made in 1955. Even when I think back to my own 1970s childhood, the eye tests were very rudimentary compared to what is done now. I can well believe that lots of opticians had the ability to fit "stock" lenses quickly into frames then and in big branches they perhaps still can if you have a straightforward and common prescription and frame shape. But my son's lenses are made in a factory hundreds of miles away to his very specific requirements. Reading between the lines I suspect the OP's DD also has a more complex prescription than average. Eye care is a lot more personalised now with far bigger ranges of frames and a lot more choices re lenses too.
I'd expect the school to be dealing with the bullying effectively but not be managing potentially complex eye care needs, especially when it's a short trip only 1 hour from home.

The child who’s breaking them need to be sanctioned. it’s 100% bullying. I wouldn’t keep your dd off - I’d make a massive fuss about it to the head.

@DeanElderberry They don't share details. The specsavers we go to can't access the details of the specsavers 5 minutes down the road.

We can go in if we're on holiday for a small repair such as new pads for the nose piece or to adjust the way they sit on the face but anything involving the lenses we have to go to our own Specsavers or produce a copy of the prescription.

Might not be useful but vision express share between branches. As a family we have moved a lot and it has been really useful that our eye history is easily available.

It depends on the prescription, type of frame, thickness of the lens, and general difficulty of the order.

One of my local opticians can give you a simple frame, simple lens order in about an hour, (they claim). Multi focus, thinned lenses will take much longer.

Great in principle but the DD can't see without her glasses

That's to the poster who suggested Dd fightback. Bloody non working reply button

I'm not sure people have even bothered to read that this is a specialist school or understand that the kind of sanctions you're thinking of - or the OP's DD fighting back - will make zero difference or make things worse.
But anyway, you aren't teachers in specialist schools, so that's ok.

@drspouse I honestly didn't see that OP's daughter was in a specialist school.

I’ve just read through OP’s posts again and I can’t see that she’s said her DD is in a specialist school, just that she has an EHCP. So if you’ve missed it, I have too!