Argh, look at this awful text from a date!

[londonisnotme]

AIBU to think it's just bloody awful?

'Hi L! How are you? Sorry I haven't replied , busy few days in the office. Listen, I really enjoyed our time together but I think your caring roles are a different world to mine. It just doesn't seem right for me to, and I thought you needed to know. You ARE beautiful (yes you are!) , but I can't get past this. I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work , but I'm sure there's a very nice guy out there just for you 😌'

I go from thinking it's cringe, to patronising. To maybe making for of me?!

For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh.

I think it’s ok and probably true. It was ok for him to be honest wasn’t it? I don’t find it funny.

This!! What a catch 🤣🤣

Its nice that he let you know but the way he did it proved it was more about his ego than actually caring about you…

You're clearly smarting from it. Otherwise you wouldn't be posting on here talking about how awful he was and how you don't care anyway.

I'm sorry it didn't work out but there's nothing truly awful about that text, and you were seeing other men. You said yourself it was casual.

If you're not bothered just chalk it up and move on. If you are bothered, I'm sorry it's not what you wanted, but you have other dates to distract you at least!

Awful!

Are you going to respond?

What an absolute wanker.

I genuinely can't see what he's written to provoke such a strong response.

This^

He's just trying to communicate clearly that he's not interested and it's not because of anything you did. I don't understand the vitriol. Perhaps it comes across a little awkward/nervous but that's hardly a crime.

I don't think copying a text onto a forum such as this is on, really.

Men can’t win can they!
I think it’s fine - he’s been honest and communicated well enough.
yes it’s a bit cringe but better than ghosting or stringing along or making up some BS.
what would you prefer the message to say?

So basically he is saying that he doesn’t want to date OP only because her child has disability, otherwise she’s great.
I think in away it’s for the best OP that you cleared the air so quickly.

It’s eye-opening that so many people don’t see the issue with that text. Either people’s standards are on the floor, or they’re not seeing the subtext. Or maybe they also send texts like that and actually mean them.

I actually think there’s some serious red flags in there - aside from the arrogance and patronising tone. I feel like there’s an element of trying to undermine and goad the OP, like a version of negging. That he might be hoping to manipulate you into proving to him that you’re worth him changing his mind by being up for whatever he might be willing to offer.

But really, do we really find it acceptable for men to say things like “you’re beautiful (yes you are!)” - like it’s in his remit to decide that, or that the OP cares what he thinks, or that her beauty (or otherwise) is the most important and noteworthy thing about her.

Listen, anyone who starts a sentence with “listen” should be deleted from your contacts.

At least he’s being honest.
Some would have strung you along then ghosted you.

Why the hilarity and sneery comments at a parent carer having a life? We can and do, do other things, you know.
MN at its worst.

Just say 'sorry I hadn't text, I think it's best we don't see each other'

Is that what you would have preferred him to say?

Obviously not you, but I think a lot of people would be a put-out by such a message.

You ARE beautiful (yes you are!)

Had you told him you were ugly or something?

Whether or not YABU depends on whether you spent the whole date waffling on about how disabled your child is and how hard it is and how lonely you are and how tiring it is and all the meltdowns/other drama or whether you mentioned in passing that you have a disabled child then moved on with your date.

Because if it was the first one I would very kindly let you down then run for the hills too but if it was the second then he's being honest but patronising.

The bit about being beautiful, if not a response to something you already said, is very odd.

Nice. Real nice.

Why should he have to want to be with someone who he thinks isn't right for him? Your name calling just tells me he's had a lucky escape. Grow up.

I shouldn’t have posted but can’t delete now

ive never done casual or online dating. Just ignore me. I don’t know how this stuff works.

Same. I'm amazed at the amount of pp's who don't know what parent carer means tbh, it's a widely used term.

God forbid a parent caring for their disabled child manages time for a few dates and some sex.

I’d assume the OP’s child has another parent who cares for them too at times, and if not they would perhaps be in respite occasionally too. Parent carers are more than entitled to shag as frequently as they wish!

No, never mentioned my looks. I am good looking, averagely attractive. I am still young

Couldn't give two hoots if he 'thinks' I'm beautiful (no I don't!) or why he feels the need to say he does

I don't see why I would care what someone I have no established relationship of any kind thinks

I think it’s quite a nice text. Better than one I received in my dating days, which was ‘I have met someone I really like so I won’t be able to see you any more’. These texts are gold to laugh at years later though.

I think it's ok. Bit clumsy but he doesn't want to see you again and he has let you know. It honestly sounds a bit bitchy to show people for a laugh.

Grim