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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argh, look at this awful text from a date!

564 replies

londonisnotme · 10/01/2024 21:00

AIBU to think it's just bloody awful?

'Hi L! How are you? Sorry I haven't replied , busy few days in the office. Listen, I really enjoyed our time together but I think your caring roles are a different world to mine. It just doesn't seem right for me to, and I thought you needed to know. You ARE beautiful (yes you are!) , but I can't get past this. I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work , but I'm sure there's a very nice guy out there just for you 😌'

I go from thinking it's cringe, to patronising. To maybe making for of me?!

For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night Grin

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh.

OP posts:
Merseymum992 · 10/01/2024 21:12

I don't see the problem here. He wasn't nasty - in fact he was very nice. I think the fact you're saving it to laugh at him with your friends shows that he's had a lucky escape. You're mean

FourLeggedBuckers · 10/01/2024 21:12

God I’d rather be ghosted than receive a message like that!

Original poster
londonisnotme · 10/01/2024 21:13

FourLeggedBuckers · 10/01/2024 21:11

🤢🤢🤢

  1. you don’t need him to tell you you’re beautiful - patronising wanker
  2. someone out there “just for you” 🤢

This is a man with an over-inflated sense of self-worth who thinks you’re waiting around for him to decide if he wants you or not, and thinks that his opinion on your value is important. That’s some arrogance after a few dates and some mediocre sex!

Haha, exactly!

I didn't text him either. Surely that must've given him a hint that I wasn't fussed about him

OP posts:
Original poster
londonisnotme · 10/01/2024 21:14

Comedycook · 10/01/2024 21:09

Message back

"Who dis?"

😆🤣

OP posts:
Cattenberg · 10/01/2024 21:14

This reminds me of the way I sometimes talk to my cats while I’m stroking them. “You’re a beautiful pussy cat. Yes you are. Oh, yes you are”.

VeganNugsNotDrugs · 10/01/2024 21:14

"Parent carer" in my county is used as a term for a parent who is a carer for a disabled child

Ginandjuice57884 · 10/01/2024 21:15

On the one hand it seems courteous if a bit clumsy. On the other, he sounds like he has lofty ideas of himself as if you'd be beaten up if he just said he wasn't interested/ghosted.

Nerurio · 10/01/2024 21:15

Merseymum992 · 10/01/2024 21:12

I don't see the problem here. He wasn't nasty - in fact he was very nice. I think the fact you're saving it to laugh at him with your friends shows that he's had a lucky escape. You're mean

He was extremely patronising.

Sceptre86 · 10/01/2024 21:15

It just goes to show you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. He didn't think you were compatible and instead of ghosting you sent a message. A message that was either clumsy or patronising (I think a bit of both) depending on which way you look at it. It's over, you aren't losing any sleep over him and are already back out on dates. I also agree with another poster that 'who diss?' would be a perfect reply.

EmmaEmerald · 10/01/2024 21:15

I also don’t know what parent carer means here

I have some care responsibilities for my mum and was careful to “protect” my boyfriend from it. And my friends. It’s so bloody awful I don’t want to discuss it anyway.

But my recent boyfriend (haven’t dated for years before him) used to say there was no need for that and he volunteered to help.

If this guy means he is mentally in a very different place, I think that’s understandable and he was very honest.

I wasn’t having anything serious either but ended up having a breakdown and my boyfriend of about 3 months looked after me.

It depends a lot what’s going on.

edit - we thought it wasn’t serious but it turned out it was. Probably comparing apples and oranges, sorry.

Original poster
londonisnotme · 10/01/2024 21:16

Cattenberg · 10/01/2024 21:14

This reminds me of the way I sometimes talk to my cats while I’m stroking them. “You’re a beautiful pussy cat. Yes you are. Oh, yes you are”.

This is what I thought! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
londonisnotme · 10/01/2024 21:16

But clearly the pussy wasn't up the the job

OP posts:
tennesseewhiskey1 · 10/01/2024 21:16

I mean - it seems fine maybe abit oddly worded and clumsy - over explained and I guess you don’t care that much so no great loss - i dont get the keeping of the message to show everyone to laugh at him though🫣

planetarynoodle · 10/01/2024 21:16

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night he text this on Saturday? And you're bringing it to mumsnet now?

Yes it's a tad cringe and patronising but he's trying. Got to give him points for that. He's not just ignored you.

Staygoldponyboystaygold · 10/01/2024 21:17

Really patronising. He thinks he’s one of the good guys, letting you down gently and probably feeling quite pleased with himself.

Saschka · 10/01/2024 21:17

Just text him the thumbs up emoji, and block. Not worth spending days thinking about him.

EmmaEmerald · 10/01/2024 21:18

tennesseewhiskey1 · 10/01/2024 21:16

I mean - it seems fine maybe abit oddly worded and clumsy - over explained and I guess you don’t care that much so no great loss - i dont get the keeping of the message to show everyone to laugh at him though🫣

me neither

planetarynoodle · 10/01/2024 21:18

tennesseewhiskey1 · 10/01/2024 21:16

I mean - it seems fine maybe abit oddly worded and clumsy - over explained and I guess you don’t care that much so no great loss - i dont get the keeping of the message to show everyone to laugh at him though🫣

Same. It sounds like he was nervous to text if I'm honest.

Never mind you clearly aren't compatible and you've had a good sneery laugh at him.. Nice..

OneFrenchEgg · 10/01/2024 21:18

Parent carer is a well established and nationally used term to refer to people who are parents (or in a parent role) of children with SEND (eg disabled children and/or those with special educational needs). It's used by the third sector and government.

winewine · 10/01/2024 21:19

What is a parent carer?
Are you a cater to elderly parents or are you a parent who is a carer to your children?

Tbh this would put me off sorry.

DappledThings · 10/01/2024 21:19

I don't think it's that bad. If you were a friend who showed it to me I wouldn't get why or what I was meant to be laughing at.

It's a bit clumsy but it's not unpleasant and it's honest.

Merseymum992 · 10/01/2024 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

planetarynoodle · 10/01/2024 21:20

DappledThings · 10/01/2024 21:19

I don't think it's that bad. If you were a friend who showed it to me I wouldn't get why or what I was meant to be laughing at.

It's a bit clumsy but it's not unpleasant and it's honest.

If I'm honest I would think OP was upset and protesting too much if she made a big thing out of that text.

Honeyroar · 10/01/2024 21:21

I had one bloke pop a letter through my door that was all patronising Robbie Williams lyrics to dump me.. Quite amusing really. I text him back saying, no worries, it was just a bit of fun, you were never marriage material. He got all offended - why wasn’t I marriage material??

But as people have said, at least he’s polite and hasn’t ghosted, and Ben if he is a bit full of himself.

UrsulaBelle · 10/01/2024 21:21

I’m a parent carer. I care for my disabled son, who is now an adult. It’s quite different to caring for a non-disabled child.