Argh, look at this awful text from a date!

[londonisnotme]

AIBU to think it's just bloody awful?

'Hi L! How are you? Sorry I haven't replied , busy few days in the office. Listen, I really enjoyed our time together but I think your caring roles are a different world to mine. It just doesn't seem right for me to, and I thought you needed to know. You ARE beautiful (yes you are!) , but I can't get past this. I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work , but I'm sure there's a very nice guy out there just for you 😌'

I go from thinking it's cringe, to patronising. To maybe making for of me?!

For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh.

It does come across as patronising but I still think it's just as likely that's accidental and that he was trying to be nice. Maybe he's a total arse but I don't think that's a given.

I'd still be confused as to what was so awful about it and why it was being shown to me as a friend.

😂😂

I do the same thing 🤣

Why would you care if it was "nice to meet you" then.

I think you're nitpicking. It's not nice turning people down. Yes it was just a casual thing. But it's hard to know how to do it and also if they'd just gone no not for me ta other people might have felt miffed all they got was a short text. Online dating can be tough so if you're doing a lot of it it's best not to over analyse and assume the worst of every rejection you get. Some are real stinkers but this just sounds like someone who is nervous about rejecting someone and has said somethings that yeah aren't the best but I don't think you can assume just from those words that he is a wanker.

I actually don’t care if it’s “accidentally” patronising - this is what the patriarchy does, it normalises this sort of bullshit and makes women accept it - hell there are people on here describing it as “sweet” and “nice”.

If you’re not standing up against this sort of casual objectification and denigration of women, you’re part of the problem - even if he genuinely means what he said, and didn’t mean to treat the OP like a pet, he is perpetuating the status of men as the controller of situations and the giver of superficial compliments.

(yes you are!)

😄

This summarised it better than I did!

I genuinely can't see why it's such a horrendous text that you'd show it to your mates and mumsnet

Thanks to all the other comments for explaining what a parent carer is since op ignored all but one person asking 🤣

He sounds pretty full of himself. I think the text is annoying because the tone implies that you're going to be broken hearted and he's trying to cushion the blow with his 'compliment ' . The arrogant 'yes you are' suggests that he thinks he has some special insight into your psyche. What a twerp 🤣

I must be on a different planet, as I'm reading it thinking 'wtf is the OP's problem?'

Some men just don't know how to talk to women. He definitely doesn't. May be patronising but at least he's not ghosting.

Agree he's patronising and smug. But more to the point - presumably he knew you were a carer for your DC before you had sex - so it's funny how it wasn't a problem for him then?

Yes - it's good he bothered to message you rather than ghosting (not that you cared) but he's definitely a slimeball and you're well rid! I know some people are socially awkward or tactless or not great at expressing themselves - but he sounds perfectly capable and completely up his own backside!

Hope you meet someone decent going forwards - they are out there!

If he was aware that you was a carer first sampled the sex then wrote that he's a total dick. If you told him after cool.

He's saying he can't date somebody with a disabled child, which no matter how he tries to word it, is a horrible thing to say. The part about him not being in 'that world' just makes it worse. He doesn't have to be the type of man to take a disabled child on as his own (not that anybodies asked him to!) But he didnt have to say that. He'd have been better just saying 'I don't think we're compatible'
The rest of the text is pure cringe!

A parent with a disabled child.

i didn’t find it patronising. To me it sounded awkward, and almost apologetic that it hasn’t worked out, and he wishes her well for the future.

Same here. Probably wasn’t perfect but not worth getting het up about.

Vile comment. She has a disabled child so she can't date or have sex ever again.

Just respond

" Oh thanks, so relieved you text first, was tying myself in knots wondering how I could let you down after the disappointing sex without bruising your ego."

It comes across as he thinks of himself as very busy and important however I don't think it was nastily meant.

See this is one of the reasons why I don't date at present, I have elderly parent screaming their head off about suicide, constant illnesses, constant calls from ambulance and carers and it DOES send me haywire. 5 calls yesterday and today.

I've semi got it under control and they're going into residential care, looks like their place is now sold.

If I was sent that it would make me feel a bit ill. Surprised so many think it's fine!

For someone who isn’t that bothered, you do seem incredibly irate about it.

Agreed. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Your reaction actually sounds like you're embarrassed that he blew you off, AND told you why. So now you're trying to humiliate him. Please don't show this to your friends. It's not funny. He has had the respect to mention your caring roles (rather than lie) and compliment you so you didn't feel like it was because you weren't enough for him.

If someone who you weren’t invested in made a real show of patronising you and making out they thought you were desperate for their attention but sadly they had to let you down - wouldn’t you be a tiny bit irritated @Getthethrowonthesofa ?

Patronising twat. Lucky escape for you OP.