Argh, look at this awful text from a date!

[londonisnotme]

AIBU to think it's just bloody awful?

'Hi L! How are you? Sorry I haven't replied , busy few days in the office. Listen, I really enjoyed our time together but I think your caring roles are a different world to mine. It just doesn't seem right for me to, and I thought you needed to know. You ARE beautiful (yes you are!) , but I can't get past this. I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work , but I'm sure there's a very nice guy out there just for you 😌'

I go from thinking it's cringe, to patronising. To maybe making for of me?!

For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh.

Hearing various stories from people in the 18-30 age group & often much older if still single, makes me think there are far too many random dates leading to sexual encounters nowadays. The 'we are dating but not exclusive' behaviour has a lot to answer for. In my day & it wasn't that long ago, you dated one guy only until you decided if there was chemistry & potential for a long term relationship then stopped dating if it wasn't working. You wouldn't dream of what was known as two timing. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I was having regular sex with a guy in a 'not exclusive or in a relationship' scenario. How times have changed & not always for the better.

Not for the OP who was on a date when the message was received. Not judging and she’s clearly a modern woman.

The message doesn’t seem that bad. Bit wanky but still better than stringing along or ghosting.

I assume parent carer (a new term to me) means a parent to a child with additional needs. (Not clear from the explanation.) The man doesn’t feel able to deal with that so is being honest. Best to know before anything develops.

If he'd ghosted you, I bet you'd be moaning. That text seems absolutely fine to me. I'd be thankful I didn't have to waste any more time thinking about him. Men can't win can they!!

I'd send back a thumbs up

Am glad it’s not just me who struggles to understand some men!!! My friend and I are on the same dating site and we sometimes get the same messages from the same man!! It gives us a laugh anyhow!

Omg you're my spirit animal - this 100%

I wouldn’t mind that message. He has tried, in a cack handed way, to say that the OP is beautiful and interesting, but that he doesn’t want to take things further because they have different priorities and responsibilities. When I first read this I was going to suggest a sarcastic big thumbs up as a response, but actually now I’d reply with a gracious, ‘Thanks, Bob. Glad to have met you. Hope you find the woman of your dreams! All the best x

Given that apparently many men don't even bother contacting the woman (especially if they've already had sex) it seems quite polite.

🤦‍♀️

And this is OP's problem... why? Do we just accept a lot of men are crap in this situation, so women should be grateful to even be acknowledged?

The amount of adults who are baffled by the term "parent carer"... 🤦‍♀️ oh dear.
If it's really that baffling, Google has many clear explanations of this very common term.

Very patronising text, I’d respond with a thumbs up, it’s the ultimate disrespect but at the same time he can’t say anything about it.

I think he has been listening to too much James Blunt...you're beautiful, you're beautiful, (it's true).
But joking aside it's bloody awful that he is turned off by you having disabled kids and felt that you should know that.

I think he has been listening to too much James Blunt...you're beautiful, you're beautiful, (it's true).
But joking aside it's bloody awful that he is turned off by you having disabled kids and felt that you should know that.

I agree with you OP. Massive red flags from that message. I agree with another poster that it's almost like a form of negging he's trying, especially if you hadn't contacted him since last seeing him.

It's not a great result after a date, but I'd respect him for being honest and up front.

Anyway OP you were on another date when you got the text so obviously aren't that invested anyway.

I'd Pop a text back to thank him for his honesty and wish him well.

Don't share with your friends for a laugh, that would be shit and unnecessary.

This.

THIS is BY FAR the most superior and mature response back.
A very classy reply.

THIS!!!

maybe next time dont give up the goodies so quickly - if you want a partner that is. Some guys pass because it was too easy to get the meow meow so nothing to work for.

But If you're happy with just a bash and dash - do you OP.. Sex to me is sacred.. nothing 'casual' about it at all but each to their own.

Protect your feelings and your energy OP. Not just anyone is deserving of your jewel.

Good Luck

Ha ha ha good one!

This!

LMFAO

I don't understand the level of hate. He's trying to be honest and nice at the same time. Yes it's a bit cringey and awkward but is there an easy way dump someone?

I think his reply is humiliating.
When you have revealed your self as regards your responsibilities, and you have been on more than one date and have had sex…and then the guy had ghosts you, then felt guilty so thought he’d try and explain. Instead he condescended to tell her that (although it wasn’t obvious ?) that she WAS beautiful. That really is entitled. How dare he. And then to explain that your disabled child was the problem. You bet OP is annoyed
and perhaps she had gone on another date because he had ghosted her?.. which he starts off apologising for (for his guilt) because he knows he’s being a shit albeit an honest one. I think the only reply is no reply (which is very hard). Good luck OP x

For heaven’s sake. When you’re telling a man you don’t want to see him again after a few dates, by text, do you generally tell him consolingly that he’s good-looking and add ‘Oh, yes you ARE!’ as if you’re picturing him weeping into his beer because he must think he’s pug-ugly if you’re not interested? And tell him you’re sure there’s a nice girl out there somewhere for him?