To think I should have been godmother?

[ProbablyLate]

I’m usually 100% on board with it being the parents’ right to choose who are their children’s godparents but I’m curious whether people think my BIL and SIL have been weird about this.

They asked DH to be DN’s godfather a couple of months ago (he’s BILs brother). I would have loved to also be asked but didn’t think too much of not being.

Anyway, at the christening on Sunday it turns out the godparents are DH’s other brother and his wife, DH, and one of BILs school friends.

SIL is an only child at DH only has the two brothers so of all DN’s aunts/uncles I’m the only one not to have been asked.

Me and DH have been together slightly longer than other BIL and SIL, both sets of us are married, live a similar distance away, and see one another a similar amount.

I would have said I got on well with both BIL and SILs so this has thrown me a bit!

On the day FIL was a bit 🤔about it but MIL cut him off with a “I’m sure Probably understands it’s their choice” (admittedly that probably wasn’t the moment to discuss it)

So AIBU to think I should have been asked to be godmother here?

not if you want to go your children in to a kick ass local school where church attendance for min 2 years is required!

So fraud?

If your faking it the very least you can do is learn the bloody basics.

how so.

only fraud if you say on school form you have attended for two years and you haven’t

nothing in the admission form about believing 😂

I just went to Wikipedia to look up Godparents and it says

In the past, in some countries, the role carried some legal obligations as well as religious responsibilities.

So no wiki doesn't say that..

In the past

It's not a competition. They probably just like her more or feel she's better godmother material than you. She definitely should NOT have had to ask you just because her other SIL has been asked.

it's not a competition

At least not a close one 😝

@Mikimoto

😂😂😂

I don’t believe family members should be made godparents. The idea of godparents is to step up in the event of the parents death. Family SHOULD do that anyway. Godparents is a fun role to me, one that I gave to my 2 best friends and my partners 2 best friends. They’ll have better stories about the parents, and will know things that family members won’t necessarily.

Yes, that is exactly what happened, because it is a well-established concept that in a practising Christian family with no relatives who could step in as kinship carers the godparents are also likely to be intended guardians if needed. I’m not suggesting there is any legal status to it but it is an established practice.

I have never heard of this concept and I also grew up in the 80's. I wasn't baptized so didn't have godparents however.

I think that’s probably relevant, yes.

Haha. My daughter’s baptism certificate would give you conniptions: I am named as one of
her godparents! The parish priest was a stickler for the canon law of three godparents, but also insisted that each godparent must be baptised and confirmed. One of our chosen godparents is Quaker, so although she is a practising Christian she is not baptised and the parish secretary suggested putting me down to make up the three. Non-baptised godparents can be ‘supporters’, and there is no difference in the ceremony or their day-to-day role, but they can’t go on the baptism certificate if you have a strict priest.

Why did the baby need four godparents anyway?! One set would be enough surely?

My brother is one Godparent, my good friend is the other but not my lovely wonderful SIL. The friend was chosen first. My SIL is like a godparent anyway and would have raised my DC as her own if the worst had happened. They were probably a man short...

Canon law in the Church of England is a minimum of three godparents, two if you are really struggling.

I know where you’re coming from @ProbablyLate a while ago DPs old school friend was getting married and I had been looking at dresses, hotels etc. When the invitation came it was just for DH with no plus 1. I was okay with this until all the pics went on social media and I discovered all the other school friends had their spouses/partners with them! It stung a little to know I hadn’t made the cut!

Why? What makes you so special? It’s a bit of an entitled attitude isn’t it? Maybe that’s why you weren’t asked, they think your a bit up yourself & they don’t want that as a role model for their child !!

It is more usual to have only one godparent of the opposite gender from the child, isn’t it? So somebody was always going to be left out.

It's unreasonable to have chosen so many god parents! Are they only planning on having one child? Not much stock left to chose from, you will prob get a look in for the next one ! If it makes you feel Any better I was asked to be my nieces godmother years ago, and then unasked, and then asked to stand in as the godmother was late for the ceremony. I had to sit back down when she eventually arrived. She had 8 other godchildren at the time and I none. I just laughed. People know when they do awkward things just let them stew in it and laugh to yourself I say! Not worth any stress, let them stress.

I’m usually 100% on board with it being the parents’ right to choose who are their children’s godparents
Except when it affects you.

I agree with this. My siblings and I all had just one godparent growing up - but these days I think it's quite usual to have two or three - so we had three each for our DCs (2M 1F for DS and 2F 1M for DD). Some single and some couples.

It does seem odd that they went as far as to have four, yet still didn't ask you as the only aunt/uncle not involved. I'd have been hurt too, and would wonder why I had been excluded.

Could you ask PILs to discreetly find out? Or maybe it's just best left as it is, but YADNBU to be wondering why......

Read your comments. It's very clear why.

You made the whole thing about you. Repeatedly.

I’d feel a little weird about not being asked too but, now that you’ve had time to process the situation, let it go. Try not to feel bad.

This. You’re obviously a sensitive person and are naturally wondering why you weren’t asked. I would probably discuss it with my husband to see what he thought, but would leave it at that.

All relationships are there for a reason or a season. I might have got lost in the family relationships - but is OP not Aunt to the child? She's not some wandering stranger trying to claim a relationship?

DH has one brother. When we got married his brother was Best Man and when our son was born he was Godfather.

However when BIL got married his new wife's brother was Best Man and when their son was born wife's brother was again selected as godfather.

Folks are weird.

You expected them to follow what you did. And when they didn’t, you concluded they were “weird”

Nope. What is weird is thinking that someone is weird for not replicating your decision