To think I should have been godmother?

[ProbablyLate]

I’m usually 100% on board with it being the parents’ right to choose who are their children’s godparents but I’m curious whether people think my BIL and SIL have been weird about this.

They asked DH to be DN’s godfather a couple of months ago (he’s BILs brother). I would have loved to also be asked but didn’t think too much of not being.

Anyway, at the christening on Sunday it turns out the godparents are DH’s other brother and his wife, DH, and one of BILs school friends.

SIL is an only child at DH only has the two brothers so of all DN’s aunts/uncles I’m the only one not to have been asked.

Me and DH have been together slightly longer than other BIL and SIL, both sets of us are married, live a similar distance away, and see one another a similar amount.

I would have said I got on well with both BIL and SILs so this has thrown me a bit!

On the day FIL was a bit 🤔about it but MIL cut him off with a “I’m sure Probably understands it’s their choice” (admittedly that probably wasn’t the moment to discuss it)

So AIBU to think I should have been asked to be godmother here?

We have an older DN who has all family friends as godparents who we are close to and being his aunt has always felt like enough of a connection. I never thought about godparenting.

I suppose it’s being the one left out of the obvious 4 that’s hurt me as opposed to not being godmother but really it’s wondering why BIL and PIL decided I was the one to axe.

Obviously it's their choice and they must have their reasons but I'm sure it is hurtful to be the one left out 😕 what does your DH think? Doesn't he think it's odd that you weren't asked?

This is a fair point. I think feeling it was sprung upon me on Sunday and not feeling I can really talk about it has made me dwell on it more than I would have otherwise

No you shouldn’t have been asked, HTH

It wasn't sprung on you on sunday, you knew a few months ago when your husband was asked and you weren't!

FOUR godparents? Fecking hell... if they're having four they might aswell have five and asked you too OP 😆 Ours have two each, I don't see the point of having more than one or two TBH 🤷🏻‍♀️

DH’s other brother and his wife, DH, and one of BILs school friends.
I am assuming three men and one woman. Was the child a boy?

And there is no should about it. Nobody is entitled to that position.

Maybe you'll be asked for a subsequent child. I wasn't asked for my bil first child although my husband was but we were both asked for the second one. There were other aunts and uncles so I think they were just being fair to everyone.

Assuming you have a good relationship with your DH, I would mention it in passing and then move on.

It's not as if you would have been personally instructing them anyway, so it's a bit of non-event really in the great scheme of things.

I've finally worked out my in-laws don't really like me, it's just meh but there's not a lot you can do about it.

Do you think maybe they're planning to have another child and wanted to save some relatives for the next child rather than using them all at once?

It's one of those things where rationally you know you should just respect the parents' choices but that doesn't stop you feeling left out.

Nope, two men and two women

I didn’t expect to be asked necessarily, but it was being left out of the group of us who I’d say are quite close, me and two SILs have a fairly active WhatsApp chat and meet up regularly with and without our husbands so I was surprised it hadn’t been mentioned they’d made this decision. I only found out about other BIL and SIL on the day. I hadn’t really given it much thought otherwise

Are you neurodiverse?

months ago your DH was asked

and in the intervening months it never came up who the other god parents were until the actual day of the ceremony?

You are not being unreasonable to be a bit upset / left out.

You are being unreasonable to say who should and shouldn't of been chosen.

generally OP… do you have good friends?

There are a lot of dickheads on this thread. Classic MN.
OP you're entitled to feel a bit hurt and wonder why you weren't asked. I would just keep it to myself and try not to dwell on it. Being left out hurts just as much as an adult as it would as a child, we're just expected to not care for some reason as adults.

They’re saving you for the next DC.

Meantime, keep schtumb. Not attractive.

People missing the point on this thread ,of course you would feel hurt being left out . Very odd behaviour and not very Christian behaviour.

It might have been nice for them to pick you, but they owe you no explanation as to why they chose someone else.
Perhaps one of both of the godmothers they did choose is commited Christian who they feel will provide excellent spiritual guidance. Perhaps they have been a tower of strength to one or both of your BIL/SIL. Perhaps they're just great friends and they wish to make her formally part of their child's life.
It doesn't matter how long you've been with your partner or how well you get on with your BIL and SIL, choosing godparents is extremely personal and you need to 100pc respect whatever the parents choose, even if you feel disappointed not to be the chosen one.
I've never been chosen as a godparent, but my DH has. I don't consider myself an inferior friend or relative to anyone as a result.

@WhyAmINotCleaning I’m ND and have been a bridesmaid and maid of honour, what a bloody ridiculous reason to suggest someone wouldn’t be asked.

Some mean replies here. OP I would feel hurt to be left out in that situation. I’m afraid you will probably never know why they made the decision they did and will have to try and put it behind you, but I would have felt exactly the same way you do.

There’s only so many god parents a child needs. You might be asked if they have another but remember:

Thou shalt not cover thy neighbours Ox

I think they just chose 4 people they wanted rather than excluding anyone. Do you have children, so you might be seen as already 'mothering' and the school friend and SiL are childless so have more time to commit?

I believe three is traditional, but no real reason why parents should chose more or fewer (within reason!)