To think I should have been godmother?

[ProbablyLate]

I’m usually 100% on board with it being the parents’ right to choose who are their children’s godparents but I’m curious whether people think my BIL and SIL have been weird about this.

They asked DH to be DN’s godfather a couple of months ago (he’s BILs brother). I would have loved to also be asked but didn’t think too much of not being.

Anyway, at the christening on Sunday it turns out the godparents are DH’s other brother and his wife, DH, and one of BILs school friends.

SIL is an only child at DH only has the two brothers so of all DN’s aunts/uncles I’m the only one not to have been asked.

Me and DH have been together slightly longer than other BIL and SIL, both sets of us are married, live a similar distance away, and see one another a similar amount.

I would have said I got on well with both BIL and SILs so this has thrown me a bit!

On the day FIL was a bit 🤔about it but MIL cut him off with a “I’m sure Probably understands it’s their choice” (admittedly that probably wasn’t the moment to discuss it)

So AIBU to think I should have been asked to be godmother here?

@Spirallingdownwards. I didn't miss the joke I wasn't specifically quoting you.

I do find it worrisome when people are adamant x has been said when it is open to interpretation.

@plumberdrain. Personally I would argue the key part is "in some countries" not even mentioning what countries. However I think we are of the same agreement "this is not a current practice and Wikipedia is not claiming this happens right now in ANY country"

On a side note the Wikipedia entry is actually interesting.

I don't think she has. She thought nothing of it until it became very evident that she alone had been pointedly left out (and an even more pointed reference to it made on the day by her in-laws).

Of course, making an issue of this at this stage would be 'making it all about you'. This would be inadvisable.

But it's certainly one to file away for future reference.

Traditionally a boy has 2 godfathers has one godmother
A girl has 2 godmothers and 1 godfather
This isn't set in stone and it's possible to have more but pretty u usual, there's have to be a reason for it, you can have fewer too, my children have one of each

Just adding that when their only child was born they gave him the same name as my son. So now the grandparents have 2 grandchildren named “Bobby Smith”

Folks are weird……..

I don’t know if there is a “should” in matters of godparents/bridal parties/etc… YANBU to be hurt or miffed, but YWBU if you made a big deal of it or raised it with the parents.
I would reevaluate the relationship and ensure you are matching their energy level. I’m not saying cut them off or do anything drastic, I’m just saying that they have clearly identified their chosen people and I wouldn’t be going above and beyond in future.

Side story: my friend and her sister used to be super close, almost to the point of codependent. Best friends, maid of honor, daily phone calls, etc. Older sister got married, had baby and despite younger sister being asked to help (cook/clean/babysit) weekly, older sister chose married brother and wife to be godparents and told younger sister that it’s because she wanted married godparents and younger sister was single. Second child came, godparents were married school friend and husband (ironically nasty divorce now). Third child, single sister was asked and declined. Single sister is now married with kids and sees older sister once a year and there is almost no relationship.

My point is that parents can ask who they like, but they have zero control over how others feel about their choices.

@JoanneParish

I 100% agree with you. My husband was not annoyed or upset but his mother (and her family) were upset. None of them had even met the best man or the bridesmaids (the bride’s sisters).

@ProbablyLate i totally understand where you’re coming from.
I’ve been though similar. Was best friends, with someone I worked with, for well over 10 years.
When she had her first baby she asked school friend and family to be god parents (fair enough, she had known them longer) although she was asked to be my child’s god mother.
I spoke at her wedding, helped organise her surprise birthday party and we saw each other regularly (by this point we weren’t working together anymore) we sent the kids presents at birthdays etc.
She then ended up getting pregnant with twins, was really excited for her. She asked someone that she had worked with for 2 years at this point to be godmother to BOTH children. I was devastated when she told me. We still see each other but our relationship is nowhere near what it was.
She knew I’d never been asked to be a godparent to anyone’s child.

Could have written this post. Never been asked to be part of anyone's wedding or to be godparent for my nieces/nephews. Me and my husband are the longest relationship in the family. He has been usher twice, best man once, and godparent and I am just there feeling undeserving every time 😂