To think I should have been godmother?

[ProbablyLate]

I’m usually 100% on board with it being the parents’ right to choose who are their children’s godparents but I’m curious whether people think my BIL and SIL have been weird about this.

They asked DH to be DN’s godfather a couple of months ago (he’s BILs brother). I would have loved to also be asked but didn’t think too much of not being.

Anyway, at the christening on Sunday it turns out the godparents are DH’s other brother and his wife, DH, and one of BILs school friends.

SIL is an only child at DH only has the two brothers so of all DN’s aunts/uncles I’m the only one not to have been asked.

Me and DH have been together slightly longer than other BIL and SIL, both sets of us are married, live a similar distance away, and see one another a similar amount.

I would have said I got on well with both BIL and SILs so this has thrown me a bit!

On the day FIL was a bit 🤔about it but MIL cut him off with a “I’m sure Probably understands it’s their choice” (admittedly that probably wasn’t the moment to discuss it)

So AIBU to think I should have been asked to be godmother here?

I agree there is no "should" about it, however I can see your point that it was a shock to see the other SIL included on the day and to feel left out.

You haven't mentioned it to anybody and I feel you're responding to comments here and generally taking it with good grace.

I think that's the right thing to do (the only thing to do, really).

There could be many reasons why this is what they've chosen, you may find out you may not. But it sounds like you all generally have a good relationship so I wouldn't dwell on it or let it upset you. X

shoulda, woulda, coulda - etc

It's only a 'title' - I enjoy being 'Auntie' Thing, for some dc, it gives them a sense that someone else cares too.

You are being ridiculous. And the fact that you think you should have been asked just because you are married to your DH is crazy. It's about the person, the relationship, the closeness, not who you're married to. My DH was asked both times for his niece and nephew, I wasn't asked for either and it literally didn't even remotely enter my head until seeing your post. I'm talking over 10 years ago for both. They asked their close friends, DB, people who you would expect. Not just people for the sake of it.

I was also thinking this, but then it would have been better to have just BIL/SIL and two friends this time, and the OP/DH and two other friends next time.

Abject apologies, but I forgot to mention that, in the CofE, godparents are normally christened and confirmed in that religion.

You're "supposed" to have 3 godparents 2 male and 1 female for a boy and 2 female for a girl

No idea why you are peeved tbh

Which is why I clearly said 'MY understanding of the role' and that 'other people will have a different understanding of it' Had I been labouring under the misapprehension that was the legal position I'd have said so.

If you hadn't mentioned it at all did your fil just bring it up on the day when his wife then said "I'm sure Probably understands." ?

I totally understand why you felt a little left out and especially as clearly everyone else knew apart from. you.

You are allowed your feelings and from what your PIL said - they had probably discussed it too.

Did your SIL chose for DN and this was bil choice.

I agree though it sounds more like he wanted his friend and in order to fit in one of the SIL had to go and for whatever reason or using Rock Paper Scissors you weren’t included

I can understand you feeling a little upset and left out, op. That's not unreasonable. However don't dwell on it.

I infuriated my mother when I declined to be Godmother to my niece because I felt that at the time I could not in all honesty make the promises that the Service demanded.

You are saying that you have been 'left out' as though you were the only possible choice and had a right to be godparent. You really don't.

Not at all odd. personally I find it very odd to ask Aunts and Uncles to be God parents as they are Aunt and uncles and already have a major role in the childs life. Why would they be a God Parent too? Bizarre.

Some people only want 4 Godparents.

You need to focus on being a great Aunt as that is a more important role than a Godparent. You responsibility is forever, Godparents tens to sign off at 18 or 21.

Have you considered that they may choose you to be a godparent for a 2nd or 3rd child?

I infuriated mine by saying I’d never have my children baptised as I was no longer (and probably never had been) a believer, I didn’t want to go through a religious ceremony just for the social gathering. She said she’d take any hypothetical children I had and get them baptised in secret (she probably would have tried, the nutter). I’d add that though my mother absolutely considered herself Christian, she only ever set foot in church at Christmas and her general behaviour was very unbecoming of a good Methodist woman 🤣.

The drama. No one has any right to be a godparent.

I’m a godparent despite being a staunch atheist. This is well known to my friends who asked me as someone who would be around for emotional and practical support. In their view, I was (still am!) a good person who could be relied upon.

My goddaughter is in her 20s and I am like another aunt. We have a good bond.

I always thought the whole point of godparents was that they would be outside the family. To extend the child’s family, type thing. We were shocked when SIL named my DH as the godfather to her third child (he really didn’t want the role either). Like you, I was also surprised when I wasn’t made godmother both because a) in my experience it has normally been couples (if they are in one); and b) the appointed godmother was a new neighbour of the PIL that the SIL had only known about a year and met about 15 times (all when visiting PIL, I don’t even think the GP had been to their house!).

Alas, that cemented what I already knew which is they really didn’t like me and I’ve since not gone out of my way to bother with them.

I agree with you, poor form and I understand why you would be hurt! Christenings become like weddings with family politics if you use relatives as god parents 🙈

💯

It's totally their choice. No-one is entitled to be a godparent.

Wikipedia

I was going to say that it’s normally one godmother and two godfathers for a boy, but I see they had two of each. Perhaps they decided two of each made more sense and were just a bit thoughtless about how you would view it. Don’t get offended until they don’t ask you for baby number two.

Christ you're on one tonight aren't you

Right, so they wanted four godparents and they already had the two brothers and the female school friend, so they needed one other woman. They couldn’t have you and the other brother’s wife, so they picked her. Could be for all sorts of reasons - is she older than you? Have they known for her longer? Does she have kids of her own? There’s umpteen reasons it could have been. It’s not unfair, it’s just one of those things.

It’s their choice. No “should” about it.

And traditionally a boy will have 2 godfathers and 1 godmother, while a girl will have 2 godmothers and one godfather.

Nope but corrective text seems to think so 😂