Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

[NatMoz]

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

You should have invited him

They want to do things that a man would mostly likely not want to or be able to join in - spa treatments, afternoon tea, shopping, perhaps even talk and joke about men - they don't have to be throwing pink glitter about but you are seriously missing a good part of life if you don't get this. Does he not have his own partner?

Don’t be a dick, it’s his mum and she might not be here for her 80th - my mum didn’t make it

presuming your paying for your own break

but who’s paying for your mum and aunt?

Absolutely not unreasonable OP, you are right to protect your mum from having to skivi for your brother on her weekend away.

Your mum doesn't want any men. That's trumped everything

They are having a family meal also

Let the woman have a holiday where she doesn't have to pick up after anyone but herself ffs

I can't stand dividing activities by gender without good reason, and in my experience almost always results in one or more people who'd actually vastly prefer the activities/atmosphere/company of the other group but are denied it because of their genitals for some reason.

You've not spent decades looking after men though

OP you should cancel the hotel, book self catering and invite your brother so your mother can still cook for him and wash his pants on her holiday, anything less is not fair and some sort of -ism against blokes in their 30's who are still attached by umbilical cord.

If he doesn’t understand that his mother is a 24/7 service human, he won’t understand that his mother would like three days off.

Men and women don't behave that differently, though personally I'm not friends with any men who'd expect the holiday to revolve around him nor any women who'd cater to that.

99% of interests, pastimes and activities are gender-neutral, or is everyone stuck in the days when women who played sport were seen as masculine, and men who liked fashion got homophobic abuse even if they weren't gay?

A lot of posters saying "the dynamic would change" but I'd be interested to read their explanations of exactly how? I've been the only woman in male social groups plenty of times, and just as much have also been in groups which are all-female except for one man. Not deliberately, just how things worked out. And the dynamic was absolutely fine.

I can’t wait for my 60th, all my immediate family is male so they can hang out as ‘lads’ with fish & chips & I can twiddle my thumbs all weekend.

You sound a bit mean. He’s your brother, grow up.

I can see both sides,

I think the problem is that this is the 'main event' and you have excluded half the family. If there was a big family trip or a huge party and this was just a sideshow - then it would be more palatable. But you've basically decided who is allowed to be part of your mum's main present and that feels off.

It’s sex, not gender. Somethings men want to be with other men, sometimes women want to be with other women, sometimes they all like to mix it up. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The dynamic would change because the group would include a petulant, lazy, manbaby who's trying to make his mother's birthday all about him.

He's made himself look ridiculous and petty by banning you and I'm sure the meal won't portray him in a good light.

That said, YABU to lay it on thick about it being a girls weekend away, it's not really, you've simply invited two females with you. It could have easily been a weekend away.

I agree with this. His is a total over reaction. Nothing wrong with single gender events at all.

I agree with @SouthEastCoast. It isn't like a group of 18 - 20s girls on the pull, it's a specific family group, which your brother is part of. Excluding him because of his sex seems off.

separate to this Op, I am guessing you and your brother have a somewhat… fraught relationship?

Im still curious who’s paying for aunt and mum?!

So for you Mum & Aunt's bday you have organised a weekend away & invited yourself along.

Your brother is organising a meal & inviting who he wants there!

Edited to add-I hope the organising of their menfolk beforehand doesn't take the shine off the holiday!

Coming to this conversation late, but what kind of antics are you planning on getting up to with your mother and auntie that would be spoilt by a man being there? It honestly just sounds like you want the focus of the weekend to be on you spending time with them and you don't want to share, which does seem a bit mean.

Or is the real reason that your personalities are so different that you think that will spoil the dynamic of the weekend. Is he the type that will want to get up late when you all like being up and out early, or will he cause arguments about the restaurant or whether you spend the afternoon doing this rather than that? That I would actually understand much better than prejudice on the basis that he's a man. My two sisters and my adult neice are much more outgoing than me, so I think it is natural that they do things without including me, but I know I would always be welcome if I wanted to go along. Or have you already ordered the matching single entendre T-shirts for the three of you???

Maybe ask your mum and auntie what they think? They may love the idea of a girly weekend drinking cheap wine and flirting with the locals. Or they might love the idea of your brother coming along too.

OP, you have explained very clearly why this trip is going to be a brilliant treat for your mum and aunty. You don't need Mumsnet's input. Just stick with your plans, you're doing a lovely thing.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years

I've yet to holiday with my nephews, I'm curious when can I expect them to start planning trips like this for me 😁

Why does he want to come? Is he willing to pay his fair share and do the activities that has been planed?

A "girls weekend" just means that you haven't invited any men including your brother which isn't very nice. I get that he might not want to do the same things but can't you just say what you are specifically doing and then he can either do them too or go off by himself but join you for meals etc. Obviously he should be paying for half of your mum and aunts costs as well as his own.