Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

[NatMoz]

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

I genuinely don’t see why it’s an issue?? Would it still be an issue if it way say a niece or granddaughter? I’d imagine not!

His mum wants a break from him(and her husband). It's irrelevant what he wants. Even if that wasn't the case, since OP is the one paying for everything and organising it, what he wants is still irrelevant.

Yep. My mum, dad and brother go on holiday just the three of them 2/3 times a year… they enjoy various things that don’t interest me particularly, and they always go at a time when I couldn’t join them anyway.

It’s never occurred to me to get in a strop about it- they have a relationship with each other independent of me.

If it comes down to (a stupid and childish) ‘you get x time with mum and you are doing x activity with mum, it’s not faaaair’- then surely the op is the ‘wronged’ sibling since the brother gets to live with, go on holiday with, be cooked for, and have his washing done by the mum.

It’s an issue because OP and him discussed this before she planned and bought the tickets for them all and he agreed to it. He now wants in, yet has not offered to pay his way so if he’s not offering to even do that, who do you think he expects is going to?

Plus, his own mum has said she is already forward to the trip and not having to cater to her son and husband like she does at home seemingly on a daily basis.

It’s beside the point if it were a niece or granddaughter because it isn’t, and even if it were, they certainly likely wouldn’t be going unless they paid to do so after someone has already paid for everything.

Nothing wrong with going away on a ladies weekend. If he wanted to come, why did he not mention it when you were talking about it and before you booked it. Very petty not to invite you to the meal. Is he 12!

As I understand it the brother is excluding his sister as tit for tat due to sour grapes that he isn’t getting a free holiday too.

Indeed.

And anyone childish enough do this is going to be a pain on a weekend away.

She's excluded her father too

And her husband

And daughter

And uncle

A. Who are you to say what some men who you don't know would consider 'manly"? And anyway - I doubt it's "manliness" - more that they can have a "lads weekend", a few pints, a good laugh with the other blokes and eat what they want when they want.

B. The price of fish and chips from a fish and chip shop means it isn't a regular meal for many families now. Perhaps it is something they regard as a treat and they're looking forward to it.

OP didn't actually 'exclude' anyone. She gave two people the gift of a weekend break, which I imagine they wouldn't have wanted to take on their own. Their husbands seem happy for them. It's weird that her brother expects to basically be given the same gift.

Such an odd thread. People so invested in having a rather unsympathetic stranger included in a trip. Pretending that single sex activities are unheard of and harmful. Insisting that women should discuss periods and menopause with men, either because these are typical conversations in mixed sex groups anyway, or because women need to educate their male friends so they can support their wives.
Such an innocuous seeming OP that you'd think could only go one way, then out of nowhere it all goes as mad as a cupboard of brooms.

It is a weird thread by the sounds of it. What "single sex activities" are people pretending are unheard of and harmful? Has anyone insisted that women should discuss periods and menopause on a weekend?

The weirdness on this thread stems from posters who don't recognise and respect women's boundaries and think women should be dick pleasers at all times.

The segregation of the sexes is a bit of a red herring here. The point is your brother sounds immature, entitled and quite frankly irritating af. No, he should not come.

The general tone of outrage at the very idea women sometimes go away with just other women like it's an alien concept. The faux innocence about what could women possibly want to do without men when if you're a real proper feminist, and not stuck in the 1950s you'll know these days men and women have the very same interests.

The sneering that it must involve silly pink things for silly women who aren't interested in higher minded stuff or chatting up locals behind their husband's backs.

The false comparisons between three women going on holiday and the historic exclusion of women by men that has led to women's under representation in spheres of influence and the gatekeeping of sport and leisure.

One poster claiming that unless women are prepared to educate men about their biology by including them in social conversation sbout periods etc they can't complain if men are unsupportive. The implication that men are actually keen to sit and be educated and we're somehow keeping information from them....

Well sorry to disappoint some posters but NEWSFLASH! Women can do what they want! They don’t have to serve men anymore and martyr themselves to the wants of men. OP’s mum wants a break from the men in her life who she usually has to look after , wtf shouldn’t she be able to have that?!

Such an odd thread. People so invested in having a rather unsympathetic stranger included in a trip.

OP asked for opinions. Expressing an opinion, even if it’s not what the OP wants to hear, doesn’t make people “invested”.

That’s how I read it. Sounds like the brother wasn’t interested until he thought he might get a freebie then suddenly wants to get involved and is throwing his toys out the pram.

Beautifully expressed.

This is what it comes down to. What the Man wants, the Man should get.

Well - bugger that!

There's one thing giving an opinion, there's another turning the OPs brother into a (somewhat less than compelling given his personal flaws) poster child for the look how badly women treat men brigade.

Indeed.

Women spending time with other women in single sex groups has always been a)normal and b) important.

As a little girl I learned so much from my mum and my aunts and their female friends being independent. They earned their own money and travelled where they wanted, and taught me that women don’t need men with them to go to places or to do the things they want (which was handy really considering I turned out to be a dyke!).

Great typical textbook MN responses from the handmaidens who must include the menz in everything.

Op wants a girls holiday. Birthday auntie wants a girls holiday. Mum wants a girls holiday. The DH and DFather want the women to have a girls holiday.

But of course we must all pander to the 31 year old man baby and include him because having a female only holiday is some kind of weird personality trait.

And another textbook MN response full of hyperbole

@AyeRightYeAre

it’s not though. That poster is absolutely right

@LuckySantangelo35

Aye rightie 😂

I liked the idea that unless he goes on this holiday to find out about the menopause, he will be unable to support a partner through it so these women will have failed in their duty.