Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

[NatMoz]

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

Perhaps the time for your mum to challenge this mindset was many years ago, maybe even when she started having children.

Someone has perpetuated this strange, dated way of doing family. The men can't have done it just by themselves without your mum going along with it.

I am paying for everyone! A treat for both the big birthdays. They just need to bring Euros for food/souvenirs etc

My two adult sons might be surprised to hear that

Sorry by paying, i mean i have paid as it's all booked.

so this is entirely your present to your mother and aunt? Not from the family? completely separate?

I've been the only woman in male social groups plenty of times

And you have NO IDEA what the dynamic may have been had you not been there . . .

Nor do you you know whether at least some those times the men present were wishing you would just bugger off.

Ha- so your brother wants a free trip organised for him! He can get lost!

So this is your present

and he’s been tasked with the organising the all inclusive family dinner

I'm kinda sorry that your mum thinks she has to prepare meals for the menfolk she'll be leaving behind for the duration of this trip. Are they unable to cook/clean/look after themselves???

I think this is why your brother wants to go on the trip, because he'd be missing out on home cooked meal and having his clothes washed!

Shame on those menfolk!!!

I'm flabbergasted at some of the responses on this thread! What is wrong with single sex gatherings/holidays?! I have about a 50/50 mix of male/female friends and my various social activities are with a different mixture of those, but with some of the females I also sometimes do female-only things (like meals, or weekends away). I ALSO DO THOSE THINGS WITH MALES TOO but I absolutely LOVE the times spent in only female company - there's just something different, different conversations are had etc. Love it.

Just because someone enjoys a female-only activity, doesn't mean they don't also enjoy mixed company as some PPs have implied

OP, YANBU.

Dad and uncle are looking forward to it, it's just the pouter who's sulking

If your mom doesn't want your brother there so she can actually have a holiday then that's is. He'll organise the dinner and you won't attend. He lives with your patents who agree with you so what are the odds off him causing long term issues?

Seems to be less about girls trip and more about not having an adult child who acts like a child not there. The dynamic is not due to his gender but his relationship and expectations towards mom.

If you want! I'm treating them because i can!

You do amuse me with your spanish inquisition 🤣

Coming to this conversation late, but what kind of antics are you planning on getting up to with your mother and auntie that would be spoilt by a man being there? It honestly just sounds like you want the focus of the weekend to be on you spending time with them and you don't want to share, which does seem a bit mean.

Don't talk soft!

.Is he the type that will want to get up late when you all like being up and out early, or will he cause arguments about the restaurant or whether you spend the afternoon doing this rather than that?

Of course he will. If he is the type to harp on about coming along where he isn't invited, and petty enough to exclude his sister from a family meal that includes both sexes and all ages, then he is the type who will want to dictate what is being done and where.

My sister and I are taking my mum on holiday abroad for a week for an upcoming big birthday.

Our partners and Dad are not bothered in the slightest!

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with going on holiday with just women.

OP please don’t let your brother push his way on to it - he should be bloody embarrassed that he’s kicking up such a stink! Can’t you dad tell him to pack it in?

Good grief

THE PEOPLE WHOSE BIG BIRTHDAYS ARE THE REASON FOR THIS TRIP, WANT IT TO BE WOMEN ONLY!

What random mumsnetters would want and what they think of single sex trips, is by the by. This is what they want, and OP is paying.
Presumably brother expects OP to pay for him too.

Exactly- the poor mum waits on him hand and foot at home and I can imagine that he would expect her to do the same on holiday!

This is all the validation you need.

Enjoy your girls’ trip. I wish your mom has a lovely, labour free time.

Your brother will soon get over himself.

If the birthday girls want girls only then do girls only. Your brother can plan the men only trip for your dads 70th

I think this would be a good opportunity for your DM not to prepare meals for them or do their washing before she goes away. Let them sort themselves out.

For everyone saying poor brother he’s missing out, why didn’t he book the family holiday? He wants to go on holiday so he doesn’t have to fend for himself. His presence will change the dynamic as he will expect his mum to sort everything out for him, whereas for once mum will be able to do her own thing or be looked after by OP

Well, in my experience they behave sufficiently differently for me to find being in all female company different from being in a mixed sex group. It's not about stereotypical interests, it's more nuanced than that. Men and women's experiences of the world, how they're treated in the world, differ, and that effects their behaviour. If you haven't noticed that, fine. But those women who have noticed and want to enjoy the company of other women without a male presence are entitled to do so. Men really don't have to be present everywhere and be part of everything.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, OP. They way you tell it, you were clear with him when you were discussing what the two of you might do that you would organise a holiday for the three women and he didn't suggest any opposition or alternative holiday, so you went and organised something that the three of you would like. Your Mum and Aunt are pleased with your plans and excited for the trip, and now he wants to change it. Not on.

but that’s important .

It is your present to them. So anyone else’s opinion is irrelevant. It certainly came across in the OP that you’d were planning the gift from the family and he was planning the meal from the family.

But actually… this is your gift, paid for by you, from you!

You’ve booked and paid for a weekend away for your mum and aunt as a birthday treat. Yes, it’s cheeky for your brother to try to get in on it now. It’s not a family holiday where everyone is coming and organising and paying for themselves.

Presumably for the birthday meal that your brother is organising, he’s planning to pay for everyone? If so, yes, I think it’s fine for him to invite who he and your mum choose. And you can do a special meal on your trip together. My guess is though that he’s not offering to treat the family.

I think the ‘girls weekend’ thing is a red herring. He isn’t not invited because he’s a ‘boy’. He’s not invited because it’s not his present and your mum would enjoy a break from sorting out any of the people she currently has living with her, so she can relax and enjoy an adult weekend away. I think that’s fair enough.

This thread is full of the type of people who probably demanded their daughters be in boy scouts.
Geez, how come gender things are weird. People do it often (women going together to go and fit on wedding dresses, shopping for house stuff, men playing footie etc) and it use to be more of a thing. Many researchers think the invasion of men's only spaces has contributed to the steep increase in male suicide, mental health etc. The last men's club in the UK has closed. Now they're seeing it's weird to do girls trips?? Why???