Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

443 replies

NatMoz · 10/01/2024 15:18

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

OP posts:
SausageAndEggSandwich · 10/01/2024 16:03

I imagine your mum would LOVE a weekend away from your brother tbh

He's so obviously in the wrong with this. If he wanted to go on a weekend away why didn't he organise it?

saraclara · 10/01/2024 16:05

I have daughters. Sometimes we have days out/family holidays all together, with my sons in law. Sometimes it's just me and my daughters.

Both types of event are lovely, but they can be quite different. I see nothing wrong with OP's mum choosing to have a weekend with her sister and daughter.

Of course the vibe is different. Not better or it worse, but different. My sons in law enjoy different types of activities, and sometimes it's just nice for me and the girls to relax into what we like and not have to consider them.

If her mum was having a hen trip, no-one would be defending the brother! She can do what she likes, and the dad is clearly planning his own lads event

plumberdrain · 10/01/2024 16:05

CharlotteBog · 10/01/2024 16:02

I'm with you OP.
Time with just my sisters is very, very different than time with the wider family. I think people are being obtuse wondering what difference it makes.
There are loads of thread on here where people moan about friends brining their (male) partners along with them to 'girls' meals out etc.

i know what I would prefer (just my mum and aunt)

but it’s not about the OP!!

CharmedCult · 10/01/2024 16:06

Your brother sounds like a huge bellend.

My guess is he hasn’t organised any family meal and wants to geg in on your weekend away so he can claim he was part of organising that.

Ponoka7 · 10/01/2024 16:07

Would he get 'treated' while with your Aunt and Mum? Waited on etc? Given that he's going away with your Dad and you aren't because your parents are happy to divide breaks by sex, he's being totally unreasonable. When he's booked it, phone up and add one more.

Original poster
NatMoz · 10/01/2024 16:08

SausageAndEggSandwich · 10/01/2024 16:03

I imagine your mum would LOVE a weekend away from your brother tbh

He's so obviously in the wrong with this. If he wanted to go on a weekend away why didn't he organise it?

It's sort of the point. Turning up to an already planned trip is easy. Organising a trip from scratch is less easy.

Also to the person who keeps harping on about whether my mum has specifically said she doesn't want my brother there...she has said she is looking forward to a weekend away from all the hopeless men in her life!

No she hasn't specifically said brother can't come but she has said that she can't wait for a man free weekend.

OP posts:
IAmAnIdiot123 · 10/01/2024 16:09

saraclara · 10/01/2024 16:05

I have daughters. Sometimes we have days out/family holidays all together, with my sons in law. Sometimes it's just me and my daughters.

Both types of event are lovely, but they can be quite different. I see nothing wrong with OP's mum choosing to have a weekend with her sister and daughter.

Of course the vibe is different. Not better or it worse, but different. My sons in law enjoy different types of activities, and sometimes it's just nice for me and the girls to relax into what we like and not have to consider them.

If her mum was having a hen trip, no-one would be defending the brother! She can do what she likes, and the dad is clearly planning his own lads event

Edited

Surely that's because you are actually related to your daughters and not your son in laws?

Rightsraptor · 10/01/2024 16:09

There's nothing wrong at all with you three women going away together with no men.

If your spoilt brother comes, what will happen to the bedroom allocation? Having an adult male in the mix changes that potentially. Maybe you'll need an extra room, extra expense?

You plan to go to the ballet - is that your brother's thing too? Or will he try to change the plan to something he'd like to do? Will he pack for himself and do the resulting laundry, or will that fall to your mum?

He's being a knob, OP.

spanishviola · 10/01/2024 16:10

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyHusband · 10/01/2024 15:22

I think it's a bit of a dick move, why not just a family weekend away ? Why should you be able to go to what he is organising if he's not allowed to come to what you have. I'm with your brother on this one.

So am I.

5128gap · 10/01/2024 16:10

SouthEastCoast · 10/01/2024 15:20

I cannot stand these girls and boys things, why is the dynamic ruined just because your brother is there?
I think you are being selfish

Mm. Now..why would the dynamic be ruined for three women by the presence of a lazy man with no ideas of his own, no motivation to organise anything, a strong sense of entitlement to be centred in plans made by other people and a petty tit for tat response to not getting his own way...? No.... its no good, I just can't think......!

ManateeFair · 10/01/2024 16:11

NatMoz · 10/01/2024 15:59

That a girls weekend would be great as it so rarely happens!

My mum spends almost every holiday with my brother and dad, washing their clothes, packing for them and organising. She has said how nice it is for someone else doing it for her for a change.

Show quote history

Is your entire family divided along some weird battle-of-the-sexes lines, whereby only men can eat fish and chips and only women can do the organising?

All I can say is I'm really glad my family's not like this. There is absolutely no way in which the presence of my brother would 'change the dynamic' if he came on a weekend away with me, my mum and sister.

phoenixrosehere · 10/01/2024 16:11

BlingLoving · 10/01/2024 16:00

I don't understand all the faux "I don't get it, why would it be different if twas just women vs men and women" posts.

Of course it's different. Not better, not worse. But different. It's perfectly okay for groups of men or groups of women to want to celebrate together.

If your DB had an issue because he thinks it's inappropriate to have a celebration that is not inclusive, I could sympathise. But he isn't saying, "everyone should come". Just him. So I'm not that sympathetic.

Agree with this. If he does come, it’s no longer a girls’ weekend unless he goes and does his own thing away from them. My guess he’s not going to do half the stuff he says he will considering him wanting to leave OP out of an inclusive dinner with everyone because he isn’t getting his way.

Dragonflyhelper · 10/01/2024 16:12

Have you, your mum and your auntie ever had a holiday just together? You and your mum are clearly doing a lot of caring for others in your own homes and your auntie is probably the same.

This is therefore a weekend where you prioritize yourselves and not the people (husbands, children) who live with you. No need to compromise and do things that the the 3 of you aren't interested in.

Your brother doing nothing to plan something similar in 10 years is a good example of who in the family is making it possible for others to enjoy themselves and celebrate by doing the planning and organizing.

That's one reason why a women only break can be great - no caretaking or prioritizing men and children.

HardHeartedHarbingerofHaggis · 10/01/2024 16:13

I agree with you OP, of course it changes the dynamic. It's not a "family trip" at all! Stick to your plan, your brother sounds petulant and it will be nice for your mum to be the one taken care of for a change and to enjoy that time with her own sister and daughter. If he's that bothered he can arrange to take your mum and aunty away himself, bet he won't though.

SallyWD · 10/01/2024 16:15

I can't stand the girls/boys weekends within families. I have two brothers and would arrange a girls holiday with my mum, excluding them. They would never arrange a boys holiday excluding me and my mum! Seems a weird concept to me.

Original poster
NatMoz · 10/01/2024 16:17

ManateeFair · 10/01/2024 16:11

Is your entire family divided along some weird battle-of-the-sexes lines, whereby only men can eat fish and chips and only women can do the organising?

All I can say is I'm really glad my family's not like this. There is absolutely no way in which the presence of my brother would 'change the dynamic' if he came on a weekend away with me, my mum and sister.

Show quote history

My husband is fabulous and will be caring for my 2 year old daughter. We are a 50:50 household.

Sadly my dad/Aunty's husband/brother do follow a more old fashioned approach where the women do the household chores. My brother lives at home so it's just what he's used to.

My mum will make sure there are enough precooked meals for them in the fridge before she leaves and will do all the washing so there isn't a mountain on her return.

It is a shame some of my family are divided in this way but it's not really what the thread is about.

OP posts:
plumberdrain · 10/01/2024 16:17

NatMoz · 10/01/2024 16:08

It's sort of the point. Turning up to an already planned trip is easy. Organising a trip from scratch is less easy.

Also to the person who keeps harping on about whether my mum has specifically said she doesn't want my brother there...she has said she is looking forward to a weekend away from all the hopeless men in her life!

No she hasn't specifically said brother can't come but she has said that she can't wait for a man free weekend.

Show quote history

ask her and your aunt “bro is keen to join, not quite what i had envisaged BUT if you both would like him there…. then i’ll let him know. If you’d prefer just us three, don’t worry i’ll sort”

and then stick with saying no to him.

I feel for the birthday girls though… now the dinner doesn’t have their daughter / niece there

phoenixrosehere · 10/01/2024 16:17

I think it's a bit of a dick move, why not just a family weekend away ? Why should you be able to go to what he is organising if he's not allowed to come to what you have. I'm with your brother on this one.

But neither is their father. He isn’t insisting on it being inclusive, he’s insisting only on himself coming so not the same thing.

SmellyKat10 · 10/01/2024 16:17

I dunno. I have sisters and a brother and I know if we booked a “girls weekend” away and my brother really wanted to come, my mum wouldn’t entertain the idea of leaving him out.

it seems a bit mean…

SallyWD · 10/01/2024 16:18

SallyWD · 10/01/2024 16:15

I can't stand the girls/boys weekends within families. I have two brothers and would arrange a girls holiday with my mum, excluding them. They would never arrange a boys holiday excluding me and my mum! Seems a weird concept to me.

That's meant to say I would never arrange a girls holiday and exclude my dad and brothers

ManateeFair · 10/01/2024 16:18

There are loads of thread on here where people moan about friends brining their (male) partners along with them to 'girls' meals out etc

But that's not because they're men - it's because the partners aren't actually the friends of the people going on the meal. I regularly meet up with three female friends from my old job, one of whom is gay, and I would feel just the same if she wanted to bring her girlfriend, because we barely know her girlfriend and it will feel awkward when we were all reminiscing and sharing in-jokes about people/things we all laugh about from ten years ago. If everyone brought their partner, male or female, it would be fine, but it's a bit weird when one person, regardless of whether the partner is a man or a woman, wants to bring along a partner who then sits there like a spare part all evening.

None of this applies to the OP's situation though because a brother is very different from a random partner of one of her mates.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 10/01/2024 16:19

It's a case of FOMO. Tell him to do one and that you're turning up to the family meal anyway.

BlingLoving · 10/01/2024 16:19

That's one reason why a women only break can be great - no caretaking or prioritizing men and children.

Yes, this.

And a men's weekend might have a similar feeling - they can take a break without having to think about how the women in their lives might feel about x or y.

Totally normal.

plumberdrain · 10/01/2024 16:19

It is a shame some of my family are divided in this way

What other family is divided on the issue?

JadziaD · 10/01/2024 16:21

Based on your latest update, your brother sounds even more like a twat. He is completely oblivious to the way your mum prioritise him and your dad on a day to day basis AND he seems to think that he wouldn't cope without her. Ick.