Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

[NatMoz]

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

Included!

I do not know how the voting has gone your way. This is a family trip, why on earth would you not invite your brother, you know your mother’s son to her 70th birthday weekend away just because of his sex? It sounds full of spite and I expect there is really only you that will get some pleasure out of him being excluded. Why he wants to go and what other trip he has planned it completely irrelevant.

When I read the thread title, I thought you had invited your brother to a night out with your friends, in which case yes I would have said YABU. But this is just nasty. Shame on you.

Who is paying for what?

I think your brother is being a bit of a twat. In our family, some activities are done with everyone, and some were split by gender. That is perfectly normal. If I am away with my sister and mum, we are doing a lot more sitting in the sun, shopping, nice meals, manicures. If it's with my dad and brothers and husband too, there's more sight seeing, more activities etc.

It would be unfair if this was paid for say by your mum and he then gets to only celebrate her birthday with a meal down at Wetherspoons...

Didn't know you needed a vagina to enjoy sunbathing and nice food.

Also news to me that having one means I have to enjoy shopping and manicures, but apparently not sightseeing or whatever "activities" includes.

Threads like this make me so thankful I don't know anyone in real life who categorises interests and pastimes by gender so rigidly.

What do your mum and auntie say about your brother going?

I agree. I find the whole sex-divided activities thing really weird. I don’t know anyone in RL who socialises entirely in either single-sex groups or ‘couples situations’.

I agree with the OP that the brother could have been more proactive in booking trips if he’s keen to spend time with his aunt.

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

It's not a family trip as neither your dad, DH or any other family members are going along. It's one part of your mum and aunt celebrating their birthdays.
If your DB wanted a weekend away with the 3 of you, why didn't he organise it?

Tell him you'll cancel and he can research and book something for the 4 of you.

I guarantee you that he won't want to.

Oh for pity's sake, no, of course not. I'm just telling you how it tends to go down in MY family. And that we sometimes do thinks split by sex because in OUR family, there's a slightly different dynamic and group of activities if it's just women vs if it's a mixed group. And it's no big deal. And other times we split things by interest. And sometimes by age. And sometimes we all do things together.

I have sons and would be gutted if they weren’t invited on a trip in my honour because they happen to be boys.

Can’t you have a girls trip with your friends and keep gender out of family holidays?

Your brother is being a complete and utter div!

He does not get to attend a girls only weekend. End of story.

He gets to go on the boys only weekend, that you are not invited on because, well, it's a BOYS ONLY weekend and you're not kicking off about it.

Also - was his only involvement in his mum and auntie's birthday celebrations to only suggest a Chinese meal?? Really???
For that lack of enthusiasm he should be banned from organising anything more than his bedroom!!!! Complete lack of imagination.

Please don't back down and please DO show up for the wonderful Chinese restaurant meal that he will have planned.

Okay, and about your brother coming they said...??

if you mum and aunt want him to join… then why shouldn’t he?

Do they?

This is a family trip

It’s not, it’s a trip with 2 members of her family. They’re not the same and it’s odd that so many people think so.

It’s not like OP is going with her mum and dad and has said her brother cannot come. It’s not like OP is going with aunt’s husband and children and not inviting her brother.

who is paying for the three of you to go?

That a girls weekend would be great as it so rarely happens!

My mum spends almost every holiday with my brother and dad, washing their clothes, packing for them and organising. She has said how nice it is for someone else doing it for her for a change.

Because men change the dynamics of any women's only groups.

I don't understand all the faux "I don't get it, why would it be different if twas just women vs men and women" posts.

Of course it's different. Not better, not worse. But different. It's perfectly okay for groups of men or groups of women to want to celebrate together.

If your DB had an issue because he thinks it's inappropriate to have a celebration that is not inclusive, I could sympathise. But he isn't saying, "everyone should come". Just him. So I'm not that sympathetic.

it comes down to one question and one question only

would your aunt and mother like him to john or at least be happy for him to join

the fact that you haven’t included this important detail suggests you either haven’t even asked them OR they are happy with him coming and the problem is… you

It does drive me a bit mad when people can't be arsed to organise stuff and then throw a strop when they're not included.

and i think it’s the latter

Your mum washes his clothes for him?!
Yes she definitely deserves a holiday without him.

so… that still doesn’t mean she doesn’t wants him to come

the fact that someone else will be doing is irrelevant because even if he does job - she won’t need to do a thing

you are being very evasive about that point op!

I'm with you OP.
Time with just my sisters is very, very different than time with the wider family. I think people are being obtuse wondering what difference it makes.
There are loads of thread on here where people moan about friends brining their (male) partners along with them to 'girls' meals out etc.

If your brother enjoyed the same activities as the 3 of you and you all got on fine, and he was willing to pay his part, you would be U.

Doesn't sound like that's the case at all, your mum and aunt are looking forward for a trip the 3 of you, your mum has said your brother does change the dynamic of trips in a way that makes it stressful for her, and it's not a whole family thing that excludes him. He is very childish to uninvite you from the meal.