Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

[NatMoz]

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

Also to the person who keeps harping on about whether my mum has specifically said she doesn't want my brother there...she has said she is looking forward to a weekend away from all the hopeless men in her life!

This is all that counts, really.

Do you think DB is worried about having to pay for everyone's meals, now he knows you're paying for everyone on the trip?

But - surely women on a stag do doesn't change the dynamic?

We've already been told that men on a girls' weekend doesn't.

To most of us it's obvious how it changes the dynamic.

But let's leave aside his sex for a moment.

He's obviously an entitled, whiney little twat who can't take "No" for an answer.

Would you want him coming along with you for a weekend?

People have a right to choose whose company they spend time in. They don't have to justify or make excuses for their choices.

He isn't a frail little child being left alone to fend for himself - he's an adult man who just doesn't want anyone enjoying themselves without him.

Why shouldn't his mum, auntie and sister have a few days without his glorious manly presence? Just think how much they will appreciate him when they get back, after missing him all that time!

It's not a "family" trip.

There are other family member who aren't part of it.

It's a "GIRLS' " trip - the women only. how is that so difficult to understand.

OP - take your mum, and your auntie and leave this miserable whinging waste-of-skin brother with your dad and uncle. He'll survive.

And he three of you will have a great time.

In london? south east Certainly not a given

This

i was paying £915 for a flat share 12 years ago!

A "birthday" weekend away can also be a "girls'" weekend away. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

this his mum, aunt and sister.
And what do these WOMEN have in common with each other that they don't have with this MAN?

Curious, on how much organising he has done so far for the family dinner

Probably had a think about which restaurant he wants to go to, @phoenixrosehere - maybe thinking about a straight split of the bill which will allow him to have umpteen expensive courses and loads of drink, knowing that other people will be looking to pay for the two birthday girls shares*, and perhaps not ordering so expensively for themselves.

*Or is paying for their meals his birthday present to them - bet it's not!

He sounds very lazy and needy. If my brother was going away with my dad and uncle I wouldn't beg to come. He just fancies tagging on to a holiday someone else has organised. I hate people who ask "room for a little one?" as well so he gets minus points for manipulative language too. He needs to move out and grow up.

I honestly wonder if the posters that seem so angry about having a girls only weekend are genuine. Or maybe they don’t have close female friends. Or mums of boys only (even though the ones I know don’t seem to mind).

Anybody with a group of close woman friends will for sure have had girls only meetups at some point. The interactions are quite different usually, some topics can be shared that wouldn’t be shared if male were present (sex after giving birth, menopause, contraception, hair removal…). Relationships with MIL also.

On a more superficial level, let’s say you are out clothes shopping, with a man you will be looking at different aisles (floors) and going separately to the fitting rooms, not being able to give opinions on outfits. Going with women would be a different experience, way more enjoyable.
Same with make up and skin care. Or hair to a certain extend.

I have close female friends but that doesn't mean that I would have a holiday that was labeled "girls only". It would just be a holiday with my close friends and that wouldn't include men as none are "close friends". A holiday with family would include men though as men are in my family.

I don't want to go on holiday and discuss birth, menopause, contraception and hair removal anyway. Sounds very boring as does clothes shopping.

You sound very entitled!
no you can’t come to what I’m organising as you’ll spoil the dynamics but of course I still want to come to what you’re organising?! What??
Men can also enjoy the ballet too you know?

I think you should let your mum and aunty decide

@CoffeeMachineNewbie

do you really think women only discuss those things?

Well he should have organised a trip himself then shouldn’t he? @Noglitterallowed

Your brother is so completely in the wrong it’s ridiculous, and it’s become even clearer as the thread has gone on.

”Room for a little one” is a really horrible, manipulative turn of phrase too. He’s certainly not a “little one” in the sense of his demands and how much disruption he’d cause.

Does he expect to be paid for by you too?

Is it just the prospect of having to look after himself whilst your Mum is away that is bothering him?

How can he get away with “banning” you from the family meal? Surely your Mum and auntie want you there?

If the mum and aunt were coughing up the readies to cover the costs, I'd agree with you.
However, this is a trip of a couple of days that the OP is paying for to treat her mum and her aunt to a break away. It is NOT a family break away as only 3 are going on it and they are all women.

@NatMoz - Please go on this trip without your brother and enjoy your break away with your mother and your aunt.

Your brother will survive a weekend/week where his mother isn't cooking his meals or washing his clothes. In fact he may surprise everyone by being a fully active member of society and he can cook and clean for himself (joke).

You're very vitriolic about someone you haven't met. If the brother really is such an awful twat presumably your advice should be that OP and her relatives should go NC with him? Why even have him in their lives, let alone their holiday?

Or have you considered that he might not be such a hateful person, and that's why his mother hasn't actually chucked him on to the street yet?

the Op is misleading

Had the OP been

should I have invited my brother to the weekend away that I am treating my mum and aunt to as my birthday present to them”

it would have been “don’t be daft, of course you’re not”

for some reason.. she only threw in fact that this spa weekend is her present to her mum and aunt as one of last comments on the thread.

Instead the entire thread gone off on a tangent about girly weekends

@LuckySantangelo35 you've tagged the wrong person x

He might be a perfectly lovely bloke- that doesn’t mean his mum, her sister and daughter have to want him on a holiday that is planned for them to do the things they enjoy.

Also the mum lives with him, she may well fancy a break from him!

It isn’t a family holiday though, it’s a holiday for 3 women who have chosen to spend some time away together. Presumably they have interests in common that they are planning to share time doing. A totally normal thing to do.

You don’t have to invite the entire family every time a few people fancy a break, that would be mad. I’ve got 16 aunts and uncles, over 20 cousins who all have multiple children, 3 sibling, a wife, kids, 3 nephews, 2 nieces, 2 great nephews… plus all the husbands and wives of my cousins and my nieces etc. We all go on holidays in the combinations we want, like every other family I know.

I don't think all three women were involved in the choosing. OP has decided to spend the time with just her Aunt and Mother and not include her DB which is up to her but a bit much to then complain if he does the same thing when organising an event. As you say, people can invite who they want.

Given I am a women and wouldn't want to spend a weekend discussing those things obviously not. That keeps being given as a reason for having a "girls only" weekend though.

@coffeeaddict77 - but he agreed to the plan for her to take mum and aunt on holiday and he'd organise the meal.

He should have said in the beginning he wanted to go before things had been booked x

You can’t seriously be comparing inviting everyone/several in the family for a big meal and excluding his sister out of spite to OP treating two of her family who are celebrating milestone birthdays to a trip ?

The equivalent would more be if she invited everyone in the family on a trip but specifically left just her brother out. But that’s not what’s happening here.

And OP won’t be invited to the “men’s holiday” with her dad and brother - that is the equivalent of the girls trip , not the family meal.

As I understand it the brother is excluding his sister as tit for tat due to sour grapes that he isn’t getting a free holiday too.

Also you do know the mum said she’s happy it’s just the three of them going on this trip and she doesn’t have to deal with the “useless men”in her family ? So the decision was clearly welcomed. Do you think she’ll say she’s happy OP is absent from the family meal due to sour grapes from the brother ? I very much doubt that.