Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

[NatMoz]

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

it seems like the brother just wants a free holiday

yanbu op

The mum already said she is looking forward to time away from men.

@5128gap

I know you think you are being clever. But you aren’t and I am sure even you know the difference between a stag do and a 70 year old mothers birthday celebration.

i presume you don’t ever read, listen or watch any news relating to the UK economy nor the housing market

You’re here all week I take it? 🙄

You're right, I do! I was just teasing you because you were being a bit unnecessary over it, 'ive read it all now' about a perfectly normal everyday arrangement for women to go away without men. I thought you were being a bit silly so I was a bit silly back.

Suggest that you split the bill with your brother if he comes so the treat is from both of you…… 😉

or just tell him it’s all organised and he’s not invited. If he wants to provoke a massive row with your parents by excluding you from the family meal on their birthday, fire away.

I’m not old fashioned, have male friends and cousins who I am close to but I understand the dynamic with a girls trip can be changed and it should be ok to spend time with specific people in your life without including everyone. My sil isn’t allowed to go away with her daughter or have spa days as the husband feels left out, I think that’s sad

I object to all-male bonds and rituals as well because they've mostly served to exclude women from supposedly "masculine" activities like sport, and to keep women out of professional/political power.

"No girls allowed" is the core of misogyny, it's based on the idea that men are just more suited to certain roles and activities because men and women are so different. Women should be in the home, not in the sports club or the board room. "No boys allowed" is the same illogic, flipped.

I do think all-women groups in professional contexts are vital, especially in male-dominated industries. But "girly weekends" that are based on "men like these things, women like those things" are just absurd.

Oh dear op you have handed yourself on to a plate by using the word girls when you mean mature ladies 😬

of course it would change the dynamic, your brother is an adult who is quite capable of arranging his own trip

sounds like something my brother would do and sulk if he doesn’t get his own way 🙄

I’d have assumed girls weekend away was with mates. This is a family weekend away so I can’t see why you don’t wish him there. How does it change the dynamic as he’s male?

I'd imagine the mum would be grateful for a break from her 31 year old son who still lives with her 😂 you're not the arsehole OP.

i know on MN many posters are married to or the men in their lives that between them enjoy all the same activities, that feel there is no separation in what the sexes like and the men are always considerate to their needs

but many of us have men in our lives that have separate interests, that enjoy separate times between the men and women which we enjoy to, men that are not interested in going to the ballet and as already demonstrated will often act like a man child

Sounds like a lovely weekend op. Being surrounded by men/boys for most of my work and home life I often crave female only company

I’m sorry I think you misread, it’s not her husband, it’s her brother, and it’s a family weekend away.

Bit odd to exclude your brother from a family trip.

No I didn’t misread I mentioned my man child brother in previous post and mentioned married to or have men in their lives in post you quoted Getthethrowonthesofa

We do women only trips, friends, daughter, daughter in law at least once a year. My 70 something birthday this year will be at our favourite spa. DH would hate it, and DS and other male partners are looking after their children, dogs etc. They do their own thing too sometimes.

We have family get togethers too, and odd events that random family and friends might join forces for. I’m with you OP, it’ll be a relaxing break for your mum and that’s whats important. As others have said, your brother needs to grow up.

@plumberdrain

i do yes, I’m well aware.

if he can’t afford to buy or rent on his own, why can’t he move into a house share? The answer isn’t to just live with patents indefinitely.

It's not a family trip. The birthday ladies' husbands aren't going either.

This is OP 's gift to her mum and her aunt. She is taking them. She is paying. If she had to pay for the husbands and the brother, she wouldn't be able to afford the gift.

He’s 31
Whilst he sounds like a bit of a twat, it really isn’t all that unusual to still be at home aged 31 in london and south east. Really any hope of saving enough to buy somewhere for many

indefinitely

He is 31. Not 51!

@plumberdrain

he could move into a house share with other people in the same situation as himself 🤷‍♀️
yeah it won’t be as luxurious as living with parents but it’s all just part of adulting.

Your brother sounds as petty as my own. Good luck OP

Well yes… all the thousands of people in their thirties living at home could likely move in to a house share but the point of staying at home for these many many >30 plus adults to stay at home to save to buy.

It is very common place these days.

Adder to which, the OP doesn’t say her parents aren’t happy with him being at home. Whilst her mum does his washing and says she’s looking forward to a girlie weekend… it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like having her son at home and likes idea of him saving money

I’m stunned by some of the responses suggesting you are being unreasonable the whole point of a girls weekend is to be testosterone free something I suspect your mum at least has had few opportunities to be free of your brother needs to man up and if he feels that bad should book a weekend elsewhere