Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

[NatMoz]

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

There is very little comparison between 3 women deciding they would enjoy a weekend away in only each others company, and a grown man having an “it’s not fairrrrr” strop and saying ‘well you can’t come to the meal, that you suggested, and which is planned to involve the whole family, so there’.

Its no surprise the mum is looking forward to a weekend away from the useless men in her life.

Especially since the op is paying for the weekend away in its entirety, and the brother does not appear to be paying for the whole dinner.

Im sure the op could not go the dinner with the whole rest of her family, because her brother says she isn’t allowed, and their mum will be totally happy with it.

I think excluding a sibling from a family event is mean. Just invite him and your dad and make it for everyone?

Also I have close female friends, but this isn't a friends trip, it's a family trip. I certainly wouldn't go on holiday with my daughter but not invite my son.

Yeah, then her Mum and Aunt won't need to do the prep they were planning before their trip - they'll have the men they cater to with them, and they can do the work they were looking forward to escaping for a couple of days every day.

It’s a close female relatives trip. Women are not obligated to take men everywhere with them. If the brother and husband want to go on holiday they can plan and pay for it themselves.

No one is obligated to take anyone anywhere but that works both ways. Giving the trip a label to justify excluding someone and then complaining when they exclude you from something they are organising is not reasonable. Also, if he does organise something, why would it have to be with the husband?

Quite. Apparently that would be okay according to some posters though.

Again, the three women didn't decide who would go on the trip. OP decided and now is complaining that her brother doing the same thing. For all we know the mother might prefer the trip to include both her children. Many mothers would believe it or not. If you think she would prefer for her son to be excluded why do you think she would care about her daughter being excluded from something her son is organising?

I mentioned the husband because I was responding directly to another poster who said the the op should invite her brother and her dad (mums husband).

If you can’t see the difference between a small weekend away, organised and paid for by the op, and including the people the mum wants to have a holiday with (she has said she is looking forward to a break from the men she lives with)- and a big family meal where all the extended family are invited, then I can’t help you.

Normal 30 odd year old men don’t throw a strop because ‘it’s not fair’ their sister organises and pays for a nice trip for his mum and aunt. They say ‘happy birthday, have a nice holiday’ and get on with their day.

The mum has said she is looking forward to a trip away from the useless men- and given his behaviour I’m not at all surprised!

@Ludovik exactly. My son would look at me very strangely if I invited him on the next short break I’m having with my daughter (his sister) and my daughter in law (his wife).

No she hasn't specifically said brother can't come but she has said that she can't wait for a man free weekend.
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My mum spends almost every holiday with my brother and dad, washing their clothes, packing for them and organising. She has said how nice it is for someone else doing it for her for a change.

From the op. I think it’s safe to say the mum is happy with the brother not going.

@coffeeaddict77

Yep, and my mum would think I’d gone soft in the head if I announced I was taking my brother on our next trip together.

It’s not as if he has been banned from family Christmas dinner.

I have 4 brothers (no sisters) - pretty sure all of them would be delighted to not be invited! However, if they wanted to come I'd absolutely invite them.

Please RTT her mum said she would prefer just women and the OP is paying for everything, so it's her gift.

As far as the mum is concerned she seems to see it as a trip with her daughter and sister NOT a "family trip" for all family members.

She also spends her time at home doing all the cooking and cleaning for her husband and son.

Bit unfair to segregate him off, he wants to do something - I always organise meals out I would never think to do weekends away as too much money for most.

hope you have a lovely time, but I would open invite him to come too. Hope you are also invited to family holiday.

more the merrier.

i met three very old and close girlfriends for lunch today to celebrate my birthday. It was just girls and i wouldn’t have wanted a man there. So i suppose a much maligned “girly” lunch. We discussed work, our children, menopause symptoms, contraception, a new recipe one of us had tried, a superb book i’d read, Israel, who we plan to vote for, the post office scandal, a netflix series we all enjoy, a new hair product one of us high recommends…. and so on

Wonderful!!

I don't think he's hateful - just a PITA.

He didn’t want to do anything when the OP originally asked him and they discussed and agreed a plan (which was the girls weekend for OP, her mum and aunt and family meal for everyone). Have you read the thread??

Also it seems some posters are deliberately manipulating the concept of a girls weekend (which IS a thing for some people, whether you like it or not) into being a ‘family’ holiday where DB is the only one ‘segregated’. It’s just nonsensical.

I'm absolutely gobsmacked by the casual assumption that 'Fish and Chips' is

A. Something manly for men to have together on a men's weekend

B. That it's something special anyway. Like people don't have Fish and Chips reasonably regularly as a meal.

Yeah, it's shocking that the women haven't organised something better for them to do when they're off on their birthday holiday. Imagine how selfish. They might even have have to fetch their own plates. 😡

This!! You can exclude someone then moan at being excluded it’s madness

I would go on holiday with either my son or daughter without the other - especially when they are adults but also now, as children, I do things with them 121.

Also do plenty of things with my Mum and not brothers or my Dad, and sometimes just with my Dad. It depends on the situation!

He didn’t want to do it when the plans were being made though - just now it’s clear that the OP has paid and organised it all, and he wants to jump on coat tails.

He agreed to this plan from the beginning. If he was really that concerned, wouldn’t he be mentioning his father and uncle going too instead of just him?