To wonder if anyone else struggles to know what to do with their child in the house?

[Notreallylookingforadvice]

As the username suggests I’m not exactly looking for advice on this but I really struggle, always have. Ds is now 3 and I don’t know how to play with him at all. Whenever he’s in the house the TV is inevitably on for him.

I read that throughout early human history there would be 6-10 adults helping to raise each child. It's no wonder we can't be the parents we thought we'd be when we're trying to do it on our own, plus also work, keep a house and care for any additional children. Impossible!

Yay! I don't know why I spent so much time and money buying stupid decorative baskets that never quite matched and never really worked 😂 The kallax shelf inserts / half size boxes were an absolute revelation. Now we have double the storage space for all the annoying little toys, and it all matches!

If you turn TV off they will find stuff to do. Children can't really be bored, they just need to learn how to entertain themselves

Cor, I wish that were true of my kids! Even now, at 8 and 12, they will come and find me just to whinge “what can I doooooooo?”

It’s actually a massive trigger for me because whatever I suggest gets shot down in flames. I just ignore them now and tell them I’m not their entertainment manager.

But can you believe they never, ever rummage in their bedrooms for toys/games/crafts and start playing with them? Pick up a book? Forget it.

If I want to have any adult convo at a restaurant, at all, then needs must for a little bit haha, especially if we’ve exhausted colouring and other table friendly activities.

Also there are some fantastic kids headphones available!!

But Peppa Pig, cocomelon, similar shows are basically trash and brain-melting, overstimulating, addictive nonsense for little ones. It may look like they are “learning” but they’re not. Studies have been done that were alarming, as well as my daughters behaviour changing drastically when we cut down and swapped out these kinds of shows. You could pop on something ‘better quality’, Give a mouse a cookie, TikTak, Puffin rock, even Bluey, depending on the age of your child - look up Jerrica Sannes on insta, she lists even more ‘better’ shows.

Do what you need to do to get through!

Puzzles
Blocks
Car and all kind of vehicles
We have a rug with the design of a city and we put vehicles and figurines on top and we make up situations
Drawing and colouring
Farms
Stickers
Tweezer and little balls
We simulate we are on a plane and on boats

Look on internet for plays and games

Look on internet for games with 3yo children ..

I work full time, and his dad works four days a week.

I used to only work four days a week for a bit after I returned from maternity leave, so it was the one weekday and two weekend days that were very TV heavy. Now it’s just the weekends and the evening. Still not ideal. I don’t take him out as much as I should or do interactive activities with him as much as I should. He’s very good at independent play, luckily.

While I was on maternity leave it was like that the whole time.

@Notreallylookingforadvice read to him. play jigsaws. cars. trains. anything.
if you don't want to play, get the art out to develop his fine motor skills. paint with him. it doesn't have to be play. get him physical puzzles to do.

just don't put the tv on!

Even though we've disagreed on this thread I actually agree with dolls (because contrary to your opinion on me I don't believe in girls and boys toys and never the 2 shall mix!) My son uses my daughters dolls and pushchair, toy cot etc and feeds the dolls etc so we got him his own baby doll for Christmas and he loves it and potters around with it in the pushchair etc. Very cute.

I really didn’t start the thread for advice to be honest. I know what to do, I just don’t do it!

@Notreallylookingforadvice and you're doing fine, really. I never had glitter or paints in the house with children or grandchildren - they got all that at playgroup. You carry on doing what you're comfortable with and that will make you a happy parent = happy child

I really don’t know why my post was deleted. If someone’s child is stuck in front of the tv the entire time they have them then obviously the nursery and grandparents who play with, engage and educate them are having the biggest and only contribution to that’s child’s upbringing. This child would be better off in full time nursery or grandparent care if their own parent can’t do anything except put them in front of the tv. I don’t know why you don’t see the issue with it ‘only’ being evenings and weekends - it’s ALL of the time that child spends with you - their actual parent - and it’s spent in front of the tv. It’s incredibly sad for that child. Thankfully nursery and grandparents are available to them.

I talk to him and read to him. He often brings me a book over to read. He likes to play with his toys in front of me, but I don’t normally join in. I just talk to him about it. Sometimes I lie on the floor and he loves to climb all over me, so there is that.

But the TV is mostly on, even if just in the background.

I am so bad at interactive play.

Your post was deleted because it was spiteful.

You could easily have said something like ‘It’s hard entertaining children in the house but have you thought about taking him to a rhyme time at a library? Or swimming lessons perhaps? It would help him develop and break the day up for you.’

It’s not actually hard entertaining children in the house - at least not for parents who knew that minding children means actually doing things with them, that having children means mess in the house and who have the ability to teach their children to help tidy up - parents who make an effort to actually parent their children in other words. TV all day is sheer laziness.

There’s a difference between having the TV on all day and forcing a child to watch the TV all day.

God knows CBeebies used to be on all day when my firstborn was little. That didn’t mean she was constantly watching. It was just background noise a lot of the time. And I was so bored and lonely it felt like company 😅 Fast forward ten years and the TV doesn’t get switched on until 9pm or later.

@Notreallylookingforadvice going to be honest- I wasn't much of a 'play' parent either - luckily he got lots of it at nursery and was good at occupying himself with his brio rail and garage and cars- this was pre iPads etc!! I did read with him a fair bit though

Be yourself - my son was much better at entertaining himself than many other children

Not sure why you posted if you are not looking for advice. Is it just that you can't be bothered to play with your child so it's easier to sit them in front of the telly

Yep it was always like that here too - it always seemed to lead to frustration all round too, when I tried. All I can say is DO try a few things as it doesn't get any better. DD is 9 now and TV / screen time is a CONSTANT battle, really wearing - and don't forget the stuff they see onscreen starts to get a lot more varied and sophisticated and its almost impossible to stop them seeing things you (and they!) wish they hadn't. Confusing adverts. Pictures of zombies. Whatever. Just turn the TV off for a bit, tell yourself just for half an hour at first (although our DD would literally just lie on the sofa and wait if she knew more screen time was coming so maybe keep the timing to yourself) and see what happens? Literally anything - balling socks and throwing them into a drawer, watching stuff out the window and discussing, filling the bathroom basin up and making a mess, looking at old photos, find 6 things to take to charity shop - doesn't have to be anything elaborate and you can take turns coming up with ideas for what to do next. I'm not suggesting you need to bake, craft, do jigsaws - I'm with you, I find it almost impossible to be that mum reliably (in my case a mixture of introversion and mild depression) and as for imaginative play I'm terrible at it she gave up on me quite young. But maybe if you think of it as helping them exist in the world without a screen, that might be a thing you could tackle? As you build up a block of TV-free time in the day they WILL get into other things and be increasingly able to do it themselves - and you'll learn something about who they are too. Keep on keeping on - I think most mums feel that 'I'm not the mum I thought I would be' thing quite a lot - but we're the best mums they have!

It seems like you are having a tough time imagining how people with different skills, talents, setups and situations can be having a different experience to you. That's ok - a lot of us for different reasons may have difficulty putting ourselves "in the shoes" of other people sometimes, and a common response to that can be to lash out at something we find very different. This is something you can work on, and having more open-minded empathy is also something we can teach our children.

I answered this earlier. I’m not sure why people post when they don’t even read the thread!

MN can provide advice but it doesn’t mean that’s the sole reason for its existence. It’s my thread and I’m finding it helpful.

Puzzles, reading, singing, den building, painting, sticker books, cooking, lego, housework (really), colouring, games using imagination - the list is endless!

You do have to sit and TEACH them how - that's your job as a parent.

Astounded people don't automatically do these things.

The TV has an off button.

You've let him break toys? You need to TEACH him how to play.

Get in the charity shops or ask on free sites online if anyone is giving any away.

It's all part of parenting - will you be happy with him doing that at school?

I get it OP. I am a hopeless at home parent. All this talk of art and Brio train sets, it's just such a faff getting it out and putting it away again and cleaning up all the chaos. I do not fucking bake either.

DS is 4 now and loves to do jigsaws and luckily he's at the point that he can do them buy himself because I absolutely HATE jigsaws.

I'm a great "adventure" parent but not much of a "play" parent.

I know I’m being a grouch but honestly it’s so fucking boring and tedious when people wade in with their dull suggestions. Sorry - I am sure some of you want to help but it’s really not helpful at all.

Breaking toys, yes. Things sometimes break. No, he doesn’t walk around habitually destroying things but things get underfoot and trodden on or mixed in with other things and unusable. A PP explains this better than I could.

School is almost two years away, anyway.