To wonder if anyone else struggles to know what to do with their child in the house?

[Notreallylookingforadvice]

As the username suggests I’m not exactly looking for advice on this but I really struggle, always have. Ds is now 3 and I don’t know how to play with him at all. Whenever he’s in the house the TV is inevitably on for him.

Well only you can break the habit OP. But you sound as though you are getting out most days and he has nursery. It's blooming hard work. What are you doing when LO watches TV? Is it that important? 15-20 mins spent doing something together isn't much and that's probably enough for them at one time.

I know. I think the issue is mess. So for instance he has a doctor play set for Christmas, he loves playing with it but there are numerous parts to it. He gets it out and plays for twenty minutes and for the next week I am finding tweezers and scissors and stethoscopes under the sofas and TV and rugs.

It isn’t the playing so much as the tip it causes I think

Never really had to ‘play’ with youngest ds much. He has always entertained himself with his toys or imaginary play. I will sit and do craft and painting plus play board games.
Middle child was similar. DD20 wanted me to join in imaginary play frequently like shops, doctors etc. We also do a lot of jigsaws together.
I always let them have a chill time & TV with snack after school and any activities to wind down from the day.
I always read a lot of books with the older ones but DS5 has only just become interested in reading recently.
How about dot to dots - mine loved those, Lego and play do too.

What are you looking for, OP, if not advice? Genuine question.

I don't play with mine. I take them out, read with them, set up activities, watch tv and films but no playing.
Mine played with hot wheels, balls and dinosaurs for hours.
They also enjoyed cutting and sticking.
Get some magazines or flyers, give them some kids scissors, a pritt stick and paper.
And pound shop stickers were fun too.

I was an Early Years teacher for years before having DD (and a good one!) I hope to return to it again it’s just a rather more flexible and less stressful opportunity happened to crop up when I was on mat leave and I took it.

Anyway, the point is I had all the ideas, my own tuff tray, tons of craft resources etc I’d built up myself and was quite passionate about play. I really thought I’d be the mum who was doing all the messy play, sensory stuff, elaborate role play etc. I loved all that stuff at work.

Turns out I don’t really like it in my own home, and from the time when DD was tiny I far preferred being out of the house with her.

We DO play of course, and draw and colour and cook and even occasionally break the play dough out, but I’m certainly not the natural I thought I would be. I do it because it’s good for DD and a bit of structure helps us get through the days.

I know you didn’t want advice OP, but someone else has said they were following for ideas so to them I’d say maybe look up the 5 minute mum on Instagram/ she has relatively inexpensive books too. There’s more stuff on phonics/ learning type things these days but scroll back to find the relevant age of your child - she doesn’t do anything with elaborate set ups or that take too long to tidy away. There’s also ‘play hooray’ although she seems to be all about empowerment and coaching stuff these days, but you can scroll back to the more useful play ideas again.

OP - if you’re happy with how things are and DS seems happy, and it does sound like you’re spending lots of quality time with him in other ways then crack on.

Not just the clean up but the prep for a lot of activities too. I wouldn’t worry too much, sounds like you get out and about in general so it’s not like you plonk him in front of the tv all day long.

I think I get you. It gets me so bothered when my dc wants to paint. I don't let them know that but I really dislike messy things. Especially when it entertains them for 10 minutes but the clean up is longer before them making another mess. Many people can just ignore it all in the name of fun, I'm not one of those people.

Parenting has changed so much over the years that my way from the 70's and 80's will seem archaic. I just carried on doing household stuff during the mornings and they either helped/hindered or wandered off to do whatever interested them. They fitted in round me in other words until I was ready to go out - shopping, library, the park. I took them to mother and toddler groups a couple of mornings and that was about it. We'd look at books as the afternoon wore on or do a puzzle and then a long leisurely bath. I think a lot of parents find caring for young children hard work and a bit tedious tbh and we were all pleased when they started kindergarten. If we'd had children's TV during the day then that would have been on!

It’s helpful to know if others experience the same, or not.

If a lot of people admit to being the same it’s reassuring. If not I need to up my game! But tbh a lot of people have just listed things you can do outside which isn’t my question anyway.

But I do want to spend time with him teaching the alphabet and so on. I don’t want him to be behind in school. I just genuinely struggle with the mess it causes and then the next time it’s harder as even messier.

I'm SM to a 3yo for the last year and a half. My partner works a lot so he's with me. I just try to include him in what I need to be doing. Cooking etc. He loves it :)

An amount of mess is unavoidable.
But you can choose less messy sensory play - like water. DD used to love 'washing up' which was just a bunch of plastic plates and jugs in the sink. Or sticker books - no mess. Dens/dress up.
Add the cleaning up into the play?

I honestly wouldn't worry about the alphabet OP. A friend did loads with her LO so that they were reading when they started school. By the end of the first term everyone was around the same level - my DS was in her class. Nursery put pressure on me to up DS days so he could be ahead at school - I'm glad I resisted.

We used a tarpauline thing on the floor and cut up old DH shirts turned around as aprons. I understand how exhausting messy activities can be with clean up time taking longer than the actual activity time.

Hi OP, I'll admit to being the same, and I won't give you advice! I could have written a lot of what you wrote here.

In our case there's a fair bit of neurodiversity flying around in me and DC (both diagnosed and suspected) which means we all struggle with 'typical' play activities at times.

My DC were both in full time childcare from the age of 1, so I never used to sweat the screen time much on the evenings and weekends as the were out of the house so much more than they were in it.

I think lots of people feel this way ...it is monotonous I am by no means an earth mother and I would happily spend all my day reading walking on my own so kids were a big jolt even though I worked so wasn't trying to fill full time.
I wasn't into role play - neither were my kids with me .. they do with eachother for hours but I guess they could tell I wasn't very good!
Definitely get out first thing - playground/park / walk round the supermarket/shops / charity shops are ace as they can buy something for £1 that will occupy them.
In the house just go about your day and let them play with you. They will find their own games / bring you into them if they want.
Some things that do work and are a minimal mess / noise -
Duplo - mine are now 9 and 12 and we still aren't allowed to get rid of it massive drawstring bag - easy to clean up.
Throwing the sofa cushions off was probably my kids fave game for years and just lying on them / building stuff with them.
Playdough (which I made) just one colour it lived in a plastic bag which meant it didn't do my head in getting mixed up and dried out - they played with it when I cooked - made their own “meals.” They ignored the expensive play kitchen but would sit at our island while I cooked and do stuff with it.
Having my own music on!
Big and small boxes they drew on / got in
Never give them paint - crayons only - but at a push paint sticks they don’t made anywhere near as much mess and easy to clear up.

For me Loop earplugs cos but the end of the day the noise / chatter had got too much - they just cut it down to a manageable level

I found a new activity for the kids, it's called AI story creation. We create funny and educational stories using ChatGPT, real fun try it.

Throwing sofa cushions off is a mess, though … as are sticker books. I’m not trying to be awkward here, just pointing it out. I suppose the problem is when it’s mess on top of mess on top of mess.

I do know what people mean about the alphabet. I just mean that as an example I think. It isn’t even role play - just crap with toys generally.

Huh?

Leave true mess like painting for nursery.
Have a set place for doing things like playdough.

You are doing loads of active things so will be doing gross motor skills and 'learning about the world'. I bet you are also doing stories at bedtime too.

I'd look at whether fine motor skills are being developed, eg threading toys, maxi hamma beads, building towers out of blocks. That will really help with writing when the time comes.

If you do go down the literacy bit, then teach phonics not letter names, and make sure you are doing it right, better to not do it than do it wrong. However for school readiness, phonics isn't key, better to ensure he can put his own coat on, ask for help, take turns, wait for 2 minutes, go to the toilet wash hands etc.

We do have stories at bedtime and I’ve been trying to read a bit more during the day, but obviously preschool books are short so it’s a two minute job then back to the TV

It is definitely those motor skills as you say. I’m not too worried about painting but even things like crayons - walls are scribbled on and so on.

In terms of mess, I think you have to work out your own personal balance. I see it as a compromise: you can either have them watching TV all the time, or you can accept that you will be constantly involved in and supervising their play to avoid too much mess, or you can accept that they will be engaged in constructive/imaginative play without your constant supervision but that there will be some mess involved. You can also work out what types of mess are most tolerable for you personally : e.g. like you I didn't do painting very often until the activity actually took longer than the clear-up operation. Same with playdough, or baking, or any other crafts. (I did invest in paint sticks, which are less messy!) But I would accept clearing up a medical kit or Duplo etc at the end of the day if it meant that DC was happily engaged in independent play for a while. This is something my DH and I had to discuss a bit because his tolerance for mess and clearing up was a bit lower than mine, but he also wanted DC to learn to play independently and not watch TV constantly. I didn't think it was very realistic to try to achieve all three things simultaneously.

Do you have good toy storage? Very practical steps like ensuring that clearing up toys is easy also really help. I learnt from my Marie Kondo phase that it doesn't matter if things take longer to get out: what really matters is how easy they are to put away! So I sometimes find that a really fearsome looking mess actually only takes minutes to clear up. A cordless vacuum is also a godsend!

I do think you need to up your game quite frankly. When you have a child it sometimes/often means you have to put aside your own desires and feelings in order to do what's best for your child. At the moment it seems you aren't giving your son the best opportunity, you say you want him to learn, but children learn through play and it seems you aren't @giving him that experience, because of things like playing causes a mess which you don't like. That's a ridiculous excuse. Really you need to quickly accept that children are messy and get over it. Make tidying up part of the game and accept there will be mess, so what!
I think you're letting your son down by just letting him sit watching tv so much, people on here have given you so many good ideas for things to do in the house and ways to structure your day. Your son only gets one go at childhood, what's a bit of mess compared to that.

A 3yo won't have the attention span to spend long on jigsaws or colouring.

I always found DD liked doing what I was doing, so if I was washing up she'd have a bowl on the floor in the kitchen and wash up her play food stuff, if I was making food I'd give her a plastic knife and some mushrooms or something similarly soft and let her cut those up, she liked stirring and then eating the batter when I baked a cake, or smooshing icing onto digestive biscuits.

Baths were great because she'd happily spend ages splashing about in the water so I'd give her cups and jugs to move water and bubbles around or the bath crayons to colour herself in with, or let her give her dolls a bath.

We used to have a strict 'crayons at dining room table only rule'
Ditto painting, playdough, and eating.
Perhaps mine were unusually compliant!

My son is such an outdoors kid so I have to get quite creative to keep him entertained indoors! We've enjoyed lots of home days this winter though doing some of the following:

-Baking
-Helping cook/prep meals
-Give him a dusting cloth and ask to help you clean (ds loves this surprisingly😂)
-Activity/ sticker books and colouring
-Lego
-Magnetic tiles
-Keep cardboard toilet roll tubes and buy some crafty things like pipe cleaners, eyes etc and let them make a robot or something out of it
-make a den out of blankets etc
-where's Wally type books are great
-puzzles